Bittersweet

Hi All-

So I told you all the outcome of court, but I thought a little rehash of our last day in Karaganda was in order so here goes…

The day started when the phone rang at 8am. My first thought was that it was Oxana calling and there was a problem with our court and what in the world was going to happen because we were leaving the next morning to go home? Thoughts were flying through my head about how we were going to have to make yet another trip- ugh. But my fears were soon set aside when I heard Peter saying it was our friend, Diane, calling to wish us good luck at court. What a great way to start a really stressful day. It was so sweet of her to call us all of the way from Canada where she has been waiting patiently to come pick up her little sweetie, Tienna, from Sumo’s room. Tienna is Rinat’s absolute favorite baby in there (yes, even more so than Sumo) and we hope to all get together again sometime soon. We chatted for a while and then I realized that we only had an hour before Oxana picked us up for court and I still had to shower- aagghh! My stomach turned to butterflies and I said I quick thank you for calling, jumped in the shower, and frantically tried to make myself look presentable. Suit, makeup, dry hair, speech. Done. And I had 10 minutes to sit down and have a cup of coffee before we left.

Oxana picked us up and we headed over to the courthouse to wait for our turn with the judge at 10:00. The courthouse is a little past its prime and was under construction so the only place to wait was the lobby right where you entered the building. It would not have been such a big deal to wait by the door if it hadn’t been so darn cold. And when I say cold, I mean like negative degrees Farenheit cold, blowing smoke cold, frozen nose cold. Not kidding. Rinat was hungry and wanted to have a snack but he couldn’t eat because his hands were too cold to take his gloves off. That cold. We were waiting downstairs with all of the other people (our entourage alone was made up of 9 people) and every single time the door opened, a blast of freezing cold air came blowing in. Nothing like worrying about frostbite to take the edge off my nerves. All of the comings and going were actually quite comical after a while because every 3rd or 4th time someone would come in or go out, the doorknob would fall off the door and fall on the floor and the poor person would have to find all of the pieces and try to stick it back on. That happened a few times and then the door started locking every time it closed. People would be pounding and pounding for us to let them in but of course we couldn’t open it from our side either. I wonder how many of them just left thinking court was closed for the day? There was even a big group of police that got locked inside with us. And then the doorknob to the old court room (now an office) fell off and literally everyone in the lobby started snickering. It was funny. And it helped the time pass. And before we knew it, we were told to come upstairs to see the judge. But I didn’t have time for nerves because I was more worried about Rin being good. We left him with Natasha and some toys to play with in the hallway and walked into the judge’s office. Since the courthouse is under construction, they are making do with the space they have and so we met with the judge in his tiny little office. So there were now 10 people stuffed in there- judge, prosecutor, our lawyer, secretary, social worker, someone else that I still don’t know who they were, Dr Ludmila, me, Peter, Oxana. It wouldn’t have been a huge deal but Oxana had promised me that I didn’t need to change out of my giant arctic snow boots and into heels because he would never see my feet because we would be standing behind a large wooden half wall. Not so, Oxana, not so. But really it didn’t seem to matter to anyone but me.

The court process began by the judge asking if we trusted the court to make a decision to which we responded “Da.” Then one of the people spoke that the purpose of our case was our petition to adopt our little Sumo. Peter and I then stood and Peter gave his speech- always eloquent, always confident (although he did stumble a couple of times), no crying this time- then the serious looking prosecutor asked some questions, and then they told us to sit down. No speech for me- WOOOHOOOO!!!!! After that, the nerves were gone. Dr Ludmila spoke for us and I felt myself smiling when she talked about the change in him already and that she was sure he would have a good life with us, the social worker spoke for us and attested that all of his papers were in order and that there was a letter of refusal signed by his biological mother, the prosecutor asked some questions that were very easily answered, the judge asked some questions none of which threw us. Then the prosecutor made a speech saying that she could find no reason that he should rule against us and she proposed that he rule in our favor, and we were told to wait in the hallway. We came out and were just hanging out and talking, the nervous laughter coming out of me no matter how hard I tried to be calm. All of the people, prosecutor, secretary, lawyer, social worker all came out to check out our cute little Rin and say hi. And then, in just a few minutes, we were called back into the little office and his verdict read. He, as you know, ruled in our favor and said that as long as there are no appeals in the next few weeks, we can adopt our sweet Sumo. I had been pretty upbeat and relatively calm during the proceedings, but as Oxana translated his words, I found my eyes welling up with tears. I am not one of those people who can easily hide it and so I got a funny look from Oxana and then Peter looked at me and put his hand on my back and I got myself together again before I started sobbing in front of our entourage. And then we got to go out in the hallway and tell Rin that he was going to have a little brother. It was one of those moments that I will remember as one of my happiest until I am old and grey.

We were finished relatively early and so we hopped into the car to go see our son. Almost officially our son, just a couple more weeks. He, of course, had no idea whatsoever what was going on but he was happy to see us. One of the French ladies, I, said that he was sobbing this morning when we weren’t there and she had given him some love and played with him and he stopped. Rip my heart out. I have a feeling he’s going to be doing a whole lot of crying in the next month while we’re gone. Poor nannies. The nanny who just came back from vacation told us that she remembered him as the big cry-er of the room. He was the youngest in the room at that time too (a month ago). She said that he had the crib by the door into the sleeping room and they had to move him because he cried any time someone walked in or out or even when someone walked past the door when it was open. Now he is all the way over at the end of the row, tucked away from the comings and goings. And right next to three of my fave babies, P, Ch and Tienna, so I always gave them a little love at naptime or found them a toy to play with in the morning while they waited for BFast. But I think it’s so funny that the nanny said what a big cryer he used to be because he really doesn’t cry all that much anymore. I mean he does cry sometimes but it’s not every second thank goodness- well, until I get home. Dr Ludmila had told me that she had seen a big change in him since we came but I thought she was just being nice. But no, it’s true, he loves us already. Yay us. Anyway, we had about 30 minutes with him before it was time to put him to bed and it was a wonderful way to celebrate.

Since we still had gift bags to make, things to pack, cleaning to do, we ate lunch at home. Then it was time to come for our... sniff... very last… sniffsniff… visit with our boy before leaving him for a month. It was a good visit and I was OK. I thought I would start crying a few times when I got lost in thought but I held it together. It was really hard to say goodbye to our little guy. But, to be honest, it was almost harder to say goodbye to some of the other kids. I know that Sumo will have a good life with us and I will do my best to take care of him. But I will never know what happened to them and never know if they found happiness, if they are alive and well, it they have love in their lives and it just made me so sad. It was really really hard. I gave them all a kiss and a toy to play with and then walked out. I didn’t actually start crying until I was in the car driving out of the Baby House gates. And yes, it was not tearing up, it was full-on, tears coming down my face, crying. Not just for our little Sumo, but for all of the babies. Rin is used to it by now and just sort of patted me and gave me a kiss without saying a word. I love my sweet boy. Peter was in the front seat, chatting it up with Oxana so he didn’t see me. He, of course, was fine as always.

And so for our last hurrah (and to keep me from dwelling), we decided to walk over to City Mall and have one last meal at Assorti and one last go at the Jungle Park. As I said before, it is ridiculously cold there. I mean, I had Rin in so many layers it was like that movie A Christmas Story. He could barely move. But let me tell you, it was 100% necessary. It was so cold that I would just start coughing the second I went outside. I swear my lung muscles were cramping up. And as we walked over, Peter kept telling me that his boogers were frozen but after a while I realized it wasn’t boogers, it was our nostril hairs. And I had tucked my face into my coat and so all of my hair that was not covered in hat or coat was also frozen by my breath. And my knees were hurting like an old lady’s. And the eyebrow muscles were cramping too. I have never been cold like that before. The walk home was not quite as bad, as we were helped along by a giant beer and I actually stopped to marvel at the teeny tiny little spakly bits of snow that were falling that looked like someone was throwing glitter from the sky as they drifted down through the streetlights. What a great way to end our trip. It was a long, sometimes hectic, sometimes frustrating, but nonetheless amazing time in our lives and I am so happy that I got to experience it- especially with the two (almost three) people I love the most.

Love love love to all,

-m

Oh, and I will be putting up all the cute photos of him that I have been saving up when he is officially, no take-backs, legally ours in a couple of weeks. Believe me, he’ll be worth the wait. And then some.