Monday, November 5, 2007

Future Adopters Post

Here is a post for those of you reading our blog that might be adopting- especially those who are going to Astana to find your child. I hope it helps you feel a little more prepared! If there is anything that I left out, let me know by commenting and I will edit this post to include the info.


Groceries- You can basically get anything you want at one of the grocery stores in Astana. While there, we found PeanutButter, Peanut butter crackers, all kind of cheeses, tortilla chips and salsa, pringles, good chocolate, mac and cheese, spaghetti sauce, and pretty much everything else we wanted. And of course there are restaurants and takeout from the bakery too. Yum! Next time we'll save the room in our suitcases and just bring some spices or something instead of boxes of food and snacks. You can also get american cosmetics and shampoo like Pantene and Olay and stuff so don't bother bringing your own.
Cost of things- Restaurant cost was about the same as in the US. Baby toys are really really really expensive (like $100!)- bring them instead of buy them there. I would suggest bringing a pack of onesies and/or footies instead of buying them in Kaz. Also, you'll have cute clothes for those first photos of your baby. Just go to Target and buy a 5 pack or something- plan on some of them getting lost at the Baby House so buy cheap. Strollers are really expensive too ($70 for a cheapo foldup) so I will bring my own next time. And it was also nice to have a Bjorn (and Rinat loved it) but the stroller came in handy for our 8 hour layover at the Frankfurt airport. I couldn't find anywhere for Rinat to play or a quiet place for him to sleep but I could just throw a blanket over him in the stroller and he did alright.
Internet- We had highspeed installed at our apt and it was about $100 for a month. There are also tons of internet cafes around the city. Other people said their internet connection was not reliable and it only worked sometimes but they just had to make sure to take advantage of when it did work. They still managed to keep in touch with family.
Shopping- There are 'American' foods at the Ramstore (at the bottom of the big yellow building) but I really found more stuff at the Zhannur. They are also building a huge Ramstore that will be great but it's kind of off the beaten path so you may have to get your driver take you periodically. There are several shopping malls and they all have small shops so you will have to go to about a million to find what you are looking for. Mothercare is a baby store over by the cinema and they have really cute but expensive clothes (although the onsies and pjs are reasonable). Go there when you can't take it anymore at the Baby Mall.
BabyHouse- You will need some kind of bag to carry stuff to and from the BH. They also want you to have a blanket for the baby to play on, clothes for him/her to wear, fruit tea to give him (buy at any store), a bottle, a pacifier, warm stuff to take your baby outside (hat, socks, etc). A lot of this stuff will get lost so be prepared for that. You also might want to bring some washcloths for spitup and wipes to clean him/her up (I don't know how often they bathe them). Oh, and you can't buy washcloths in Kaz- I couldn't find them anyway- so bring them from home. They'll also come in handy for cleaning your apt and stuff. And as for what not to do at the BH- don't tell them how to take care of your baby. Remember that they have been taking care of your child and know him/her well. That's not to say that you shouldn't point out a runny nose or diaper rash, but then let them take care of it. When you take your child out, you can run the show- until then, defer to them.
Clothes to bring for you- Bring only enough so that you can wash it and then have something to wear for a day or two while the load you did dries. And only bring what you won't care about getting ruined- I somehow dyed an entire load purple (a black TShirt did it). And if you haven't seen those giant ziplocks, go find some. Put your clothes in those, close it most of the way, push out all the air, and then close it up. Your clothes/towels/whatever will take up a fourth of the space that way.
Nervous about meeting your child?- Everything will work out. The whole thing is weird and scary but also amazing. The one thing I would say is don't have a picture in your head of who your child will be (boy/girl, age, size, race, health). The child you get will never match that picture. Every single one of us said it took a little while to feel like this was our child after meeting him/her. It's completely normal. Also bonding is not immediate for the child. If you think of it, one month of visits equals only 2days of your child seeing you. It took a full month before Rinat saw us as more than playmates.
Stuff to do- We spent a lot of time reading, watching movies on the laptop, surfing the internet (and buying baby stuff online), and listening to our ipod. We also got together pretty often with the other families which was nice. We had potluck at someone's apt or we met at a restaurant. Or just went shopping together.
Getting around- Astana is really small and you'll be able to find your way around within days. Your driver should also be able to take you places. And there are cabs but you'll have to be able to communicate with them.
Phone- We downloaded Skype and it was fantastic and cheap. You will need highspeed internet and headphones/microphone. You can also rent a worldwide cell from your cellphone company.
Gifts- You will have to buy a ton of gifts. At the Baby House for the day you take your baby home, you need ones for 7 caretakers (they are in their 20's up to their 40's and not too expensive- we gave inexpensive jewelry), director of the baby house (something really nice for a woman in her late 50's- we went in with another couple and got her a purse), and your child's doctor (most of them are in their 30's and 40's). In court, you will ones for the judge (a very stern looking woman in her 50's- we got her a wallet, scarf, and bracelet- or it could be the man judge- I don't know anything about him except he's not nice), the prosecutor (a man in his 40's- wallet), court secretary (a cute girl around 30- scarf and bracelet), and the ministry of education representative who is there with you (ours was around 40- scarf and wallet). We also gave gifts to our coordinator (perfume), translator (purse), and driver (soccer ball and athletic bag for his sons). This part of things was really stressful for me because I didn't want to offend anyone by not getting the right thing. Or coordinator actually went through all of our gifts and figured out what to give to who which helped. We bought some of the gifts in the US and brought them with us and it made it a little easier but you will also have lots of time while you are there to shop. And I bought stuff for our driver, coordinator, translator, and BH director there so I would be sure to buy something they would like. But the gifts I brought with me were fine for those that I never got to know like the BH caretakers, and people at court.

After your get your little Sweetpea- First of all, you will have him/her/them for about 10 days before you get out of Kaz so bring what you'll need to take care of him in that time (I ran out of bottle DropIns and had to buy another bottle to use on the plane since they don't sell them in Kaz). There will be a lot of crying involved- both on your baby's part and proably you too will cry out of frustration. When in doubt, feed him or give him something to drink. Our guy ate way way more than we thought he would. The plane ride will be horrible so just expect it and tell yourself "It's only one day out of my life". And telling everyone around you that you just adopted seems to help too- people are really nice if you just admit you have no idea what you are doing. Same goes for when you get home. Have patience with both your little guy to get adjusted and with yourselves- you are new at this and you all have jetlag so it makes for a difficult transition. I kept having to remind myself that he would still love me even if I messed up and got frustrated or left him to scream while I calmed myself down. And most of all, know that this transtition time will one day be over and you will tell youself that it wasn't so bad. I haven't quite gotten there yet but I'm close. :-)

3 comments:

Susan said...

you are the best. Thank for for the tips.
Did you buy the gifts there or before you left? I have bought some things, but some things i think might be easier over there. It's hard buying for people you don't know.
THANK YOU!

Jennifer said...

Wow, this is perfect! We traveled this summer, and there's nothing that I can think to add. I really appreciate your honesty about the day we meet our children and the month following. There are too many blogs out there that depict it as a fairy tale wonderland, and don't touch upon the other realities of getting to know another little human being and letting them get to know you. There are wonderful moments, but there are challenging moments too.

Kudos to you- love the advice all around.

Oh yes- and congratulations!! :-)

Laura said...

AWESOME!! Thank you sooo very much for this info. We're adopting from Karaganda and waiting on our LOI... should be here any day now. You have great advice. How is Rinat feeling? I hope hope hope you haven't had any more scares after the hospital visit. Take care!!