Here's Hoping

Hi Everyone-
Do you ever have one of those conversations with someone and afterwards you keep running through it in your mind thinking of all of the things you could have said or should have said but didn’t? Well, I feel a little bit like that tonight. We are so fortunate to live in DC and have the opportunity to be where decisions are made and things happen and this afternoon we got to be a part of something very dear to my heart. A delegation from Kazakhstan and Kyrgyzstan came to the US to talk about international adoption and we got the chance to meet with them. Yes, little old us. Included in this group were many officials from both countries, representatives from JCICS, as well as several adoptive families from both Kaz and Kyrgyz. We were honored to be one of those families to serve as an example of what it looks like when adoption goes right and besides getting to meet some really great people I was so happy to try and make a difference in the lives of children that are still without families in those countries. When I think about the fact that Rinat could have spent his entire childhood in an orphanage and then be tossed out to fend for himself at age 16, it just stirs up such a desire to make sure that no one even has to go through life without knowing that pure unwavering and supportive love of a family. I will spare you the blow by blow of every little detail but let me just say that if our going there made a difference in just one child’s life, I would be happy to do it a million times over. I was so nervous and I wasn’t actually prepared to make a speech but thankfully my sweet husband, as always, was able to step in and say pretty much everything I wish that I could have said if I had not been ready to pass out. It reminded me so much of when we went to court to petition to adopt Rinat but instead of just asking for one child to have a family, we were asking on behalf of all of them- and especially for those 65 caught in limbo in Kyrgyzstan and the 10 in Taraz, Kazakhstan. Although I wish that I could have done more, said more, I can only hope that it will at least help a little. Next time- and I am eager for there to be a next time- I will have to get up my courage to speak and write down some talking points to focus myself but I am hoping that just our presence meant something this time. Here’s hoping…-m

Happy Birthday Love Muffins!

So today is my sweet husband’s birthday and I am missing him because he is far far away working (aka playing golf in sunny AZ while it’s pouring rain here). One of the things I love about his job is that he’s here pretty much every night with us and when he’s not I get a little bit sad. Rin does too. But have you ever noticed how absence makes all of those annoying little quirks of your spouse fade to the background and you remember all the nice thoughtful things about them? It’s that way with me anyway and since he’s been gone I have been thinking of all of the things that make him a great husband to me and a wonderful father to Rin. So on this, Peter’s 38th birthday, here is just a small sampling of the many reasons I am very happy to be married to this thoughtful, hardworking, supportive, and loving man.

He…
Talks about me when I am not around (too much according to some people)
Lets me have the TV remote anytime I want it- even when the Masters is on
Knew the second we saw Rinat that he was our son
Calls on the way home every day to ask if I need anything from the store
He loves me fully and completely and loves our son even more
Lets me be whoever it is that I think I am
Went with me to every single fertility appt- the only man there every time
Gives me every bit of credit for keeping our family together even though it’s not true
Goes all out playing with his son and lets Rinat pound on him like a prize fighter
Is nice to me even when I don’t deserve it
Tells me I am beautiful every single day
Puts family ahead of income
Cleans up- sometimes
Gives into every crazy scheme I have- “Hey, lets adopt a baby from a country we’ve never heard of!”
Takes the night shift with Rinat without me having to ask
Grabs the phone out of my hand when Carson calls so he can chitchat with her
Loves to read my celeb gossip mags
Would drop anything to be by my side if I need him- even if it’s just for a hug when I get bad news
Is firm and loving with our son
Always believes the best about people
Will drive to MacDonald’s when I’m sick to get me a milkshake
Loves to shop more than I do
Tells me that things will work out even when he’s not sure they will
Is passionate
Is always willing to watch Rinat so I can have some girl time
Has been there for me more than anyone else for the last 17 years
Has every confidence we’ll make it another 50

I love you Peter! Happy birthday! You are a wonderful husband and father and we are so lucky to have you in our life. See you soon.
-m

"Did you know it my 'pecial day today?"

Hi Everyone!  We have known Rinat for 3 whole years now.  Yes, THREE years.  We are so unbelievable happy that this sweet, thoughtful, talkative little boy was able to join our family and I just can't imagine our life without him. I love his little face so much that sometimes I just don’t think I can stand it anymore. I am compelled to scoop him up (despite the “Mama, ‘top it!”) and give him kisses multiple times a day.  Even the days that he tries my patience to the very limits are good days.

So today was Rinat’s special day. I’ve been talking about it for the last week or so. Pretty much any time he tells that he simply MUST have some toy that he has found at Borders or the grocery store I just tell him to keep it in mind for his adoption day and if that’s what he wants when the time comes, then it is his. So we decided that for Rin’s day, we would trek it up to the Baltimore aquarium and it was worth every second in the car. We had an absolute blast. The look on his little face when he saw the giant rays or the teeth of the shark is better than any gift I could buy.

The highlight was, no surprise, the dolphin show. Rin was mesmerized by the dolphins as they jumped high into the air performing the tricks that they have undoubtedly done a million times before.

And after the dolphins had flipped their final flip and waved goodbye via splashing fins, he absolutely insisted that we go back to the amazon jungle where we found a tiny little poison frog and lots of very loud birds for him to imitate.

And then to the part that we all love- the sharks. For anyone who doesn’t know Peter, he is absolutely and ridiculously afraid of sharks. He will barely even step foot in the ocean though I have to say that he does put up a good front for Rinat.  I on the other hand am afraid of the jellyfish but I am still completely entranced by them at the same time. They are just so tranquil to watch. I could sit in the jellyfish area for hours just watching them do their slow undulating dance.  I get that same feeling I do late at night as I wait for the last little bit of fire to die down in the fireplace before I head up to bed.  It lulls me.

But then I was brought back to reality because, about an hour past his nap time, Rin was done for the day. And I mean DONE. He sat his little fanny down and screamed “NO PICTURES” at the top of his lungs which just made me laugh.

Check out this photo. I told him to give me ‘mean face’ and it of course made him laugh. If you look closely, you will find my two favorite people in the reflection on my glasses. My whole world reflected right back at the camera.  As long as I have my boys, the world is good. 

Post nap, we relaxed and played a little and then headed out for dinner at Rin’s fave Mexican place where he refused to eat his broccoli (therefore the return of ‘mean face’) but I thoroughly enjoyed my grown-up drink. Nothing better after sweating all day long in the DC heat. And when the waiter came and brought our little pumpkin some tortilla dough to play with he yelled “Did you know it my ‘pecial day today?” at the top of his lungs. I wish we could all celebrate each other so fully and so happily. Rin was so elated to be himself today.

And a little after-dinner treat. Can you believe that he picked ice cream over Georgetown Cupcake.  He's crazy.  But couldn’t you just melt into his little chocolate brown eyes?  All it takes is one look and I just want to give him anything he wants on a platter.  Spoiled little bugger.

I have to say that it was one fabulous and very special day for us all. The best part was that it was us, all day, just us enjoying each other.  I couldn't ask for anything more.  We have been up to lots lots more but I will save that for another epic post. I hope you all had a special day today. Love to all, -m

Discombobulated

Hi everyone- I know you all want to ask so let me just start out by saying that there’s no news from Kaz. OK, now that that’s done, thank you everyone for your sweet words about our trip falling through. It was actually a lot harder for me to deal with than I thought. After I emerged from my high fever and adrenaline induced haze, I was actually really sad about it for a little while and a little bit wacko too. Every time the phone would ring, I would completely freak out. One time it rang a day or so after the ‘no baby’ call and I leapt up from my chair to find the phone so fast that I banged my knee on the table leg, tripped over the computer cord, caught myself in time to go careening across the rug feet first like I was sliding into home plate and bash my toe in to the corner of the entry table, grab my purse, and start flinging things out in a frantic attempt to find the ringing phone. It was the handyman. Aargh. So Carson suggested that I change the ring tone of my agency- duh. That alone has helped my mental state immensely. But I still find myself wandering aimlessly, not really knowing what to do to help the time pass. I’m short tempered, I get sad unexpectedly, and I don’t know what to do about it. I even Googled ‘when are we going to Kazakhstan?’ the other day out of desperation. Sadly, no answers were to be found via Google (only, strangely enough, ads for bird watching trips). But I am not feeling sorry for myself or looking for sympathy. I know this will pass and there will be a happy ending and we will end up with a child that was absolutely meant to join our family. I just don’t know what to do in the meantime. Suggestions are most definitely welcome. Just keep in mind that I have to do them with a 3 year old, energy-filled boy in tow.

I didn’t sign Rinat up for anything at all this summer because I thought we’d be gone for a good portion of it and I didn’t want to waste the money ($500 for a week of half-day camp anyone?) and now I am really regretting it. He is once again a joy most of the time but it is close to impossible to get anything done. Yesterday I answered the phone and walked into the other room so I could hear what the other person was saying. He followed me in there and started playing with a noisy toy right at my feet so I went back in to the living room. He followed me in there and kept asking “Why you say dat, Mama?” about every word that came out of my mouth. So I finally informed him that I was going upstairs to my room and I was going to shut the door and he was not allowed in. So what did he do? He played right outside the door in the hallway. But he didn’t try to come in, sweet boy. Things could be worse, I know, but sometimes it’s just tiring to be so adored all day long.

We did not get to go to Kazapalooza since I foolishly cancelled all plans the second I heard about the baby and couldn’t afford to re-book it at the last minute (but as you can see from the photo, we were there in spirit!). We were so sad to miss it this year but are already looking forward to next year down in Florida. So instead of KP, we went to visit my brother and his family- including the new addition who is absolutely adorable. He’s just old enough to be smiley but it not yet on the move which is lots of fun. And Rinat just follows his older cousin around doing everything he does and repeating everything he says. And he got his fill of princesses from his middle cousin.  Most of his friends at school are girls so he knows about them all.  I’m so glad that they are close enough to visit fairly often. It's good to get a dose of family when I need it.  But I have to admit that the best part of it was that the whole way down (9&1/2 hours) and back (8 hours) there was not one second of whining, crying, or yelling from the backseat. He is getting to be a big boy after all. Instead, we spent a good part of the time in the car playing Guess That Instrument. I would hear a little voice from the backseat saying “Mommy? What intaments you hear in dis song?” and we would name them. I am not very good at this game and quite frankly neither is Rinat- he just insists that there are drums and a trumpet in every song- but it certainly kept him occupied. And he was nice and quiet while he was listening. I like that game. I could play it for hours. Oh wait, I did.

Other than the trip to see the new cousin, we have just been hanging out and trying to stay cool. It’s been in the high 90’s here and humid and even Rinat is not so keen on playing in the backyard. I am planning on many many trips to the pool this summer if we are stuck around here even thought it $15 every time. Rinat keeps insisting that he knows how to swim although I am doing my best to convince him that is not yet the case. That kid has no fear and I’m afraid he’ll jump in when I’m not looking. He really really really wants to jump off the diving board like the big kids but I tell him that he has to be able to jump in from the side without me catching him first. He will jump to me and I let his head go under now. He is not too fond of it, but he keeps right on jumping. So if you call and I don’t answer… we’re at the pool. Much love –m

Oh, and can you make out Rinat’s name in the photo on the left? There’s the ‘R’ ‘i’ ‘t’ and a very skinny ‘n’ at the end. And then he decided to start making the horizontal lines ‘so they can’t get up’ as I ran to get the camera (I don’t understand but whatever). He hasn’t shown any interest in writing the ‘a’ quite yet. Pretty good though for a 3&1/2 year old, huh? And he wanted me to show off his jellyfish too.

It Really Wasn't Set in Stone

Well, shit. I should have known better than to expect it would be this easy. The baby that we were told about on Friday is not the one for us. I didn’t ask our agency any details but what it boils down to is that it just didn’t work out for one reason or another so we are not heading to Kaz just yet. BUT I am OK with it. We’ll get there eventually. I’m just ready to GO already and having to wait all weekend to find this out was sort of torturous. But what it means is that we will have everything ready in time for the next possibility and won’t be running around like a crazy person at the last second. I knew I should have kept my big trap shut until it was a done deal. I guess I just jumped the gun. Oh well, that’s life in the adoption world. At least it didn’t happen after we got there, right? Alright, off to bed. I somehow managed to develop a massive cold over the weekend and I feel horrible. This news didn’t really help my mental state. More news when we find it out. Love, -m

One Quick Due Date

Hi Everyone-

Imagine you decide to start trying to have a baby. You get all your little ducks in a row- get the house baby-proofed, nursery decorated, get your job prepared, figure out how to get time off work and how to add a child to your insurance, buy all the bottles/clothes/monitors. You do all those things that people who have babies do. Then you find out you are suddenly pregnant. And that you’re due in 10 days. And you are going to give birth in a country located halfway around the world. You’d be a little stressed out, wouldn’t you? Please tell me it’s not just me but I am totally FREAKING OUT in a big way! I know that things are not set in stone or anything but I have been trying to go through the list of things we will need to bring with us and there is still so much I need to get done! The email that followed the phone call this morning said that we would need to be in the city where our child is by the 18th or maybe even the 17th, which means that we would have to leave here the 16th or maybe 15th. It’s now the 4th- holy smokes! And I found out that we have to get some letter from Peter’s work attesting to the fact that we have health insurance. It, of course, needs to be notarized/apostilled and his employer is based in Arizona which means that we will either be frantically FedEx-ing stuff back and forth from them after they type it up and get it notarized (hopefully correctly on the first try), to us in DC, back to AZ to the Sec of State’s office who we hope is not on vacation and will put the stamp on it really really fast and FedEx it back to us OR we are going to need to hire someone to pick up the letter from his work and personally take it over to the SOS office, wait for it, and then overnight it to us. How do we even do that? Is it possible? Aaargh! Peter offered to fly me to AZ to get it done- it’s insanity! And of course then there’s the passport visa to enter Kaz itself which will be totally last minute. I am wondering though if I can just bring it to the Kaz Embassy which is about a 15 minute drive from our house. Hmmm… And we have to get Rin’s passport which is going to have to be last minute and a giant pain in the rear. I guess I need to dig up all his original birth certificates and stuff. And we have to do this all while still taking care of our adorable but very attention-seeking preschooler. I am glad that it is last minute though. It gives me less time to worry about all the things that can go wrong. And there are things that can go wrong- but we’re not thinking about those right now. I am just keeping my eyes ahead and looking forward to seeing that sweet face for the first time. I just get the chills every time I think about it. I want to know what he/she will look like and what the little personality will be. If the powers that be are listening, I would like a calm one this time please. That’d be great thanks.

Love to all -m

When I got word about the possible upcoming trip, I was actually in the process of writing a blog post about how we hadn’t heard anything yet. I included it below just to show how your world can turn around with one phone call. I still can’t believe it. More news to come soon. We’re hoping it’s good.
Hi all-
I know. I haven’t blogged in forever. I have to be honest with you- I was waiting for news on the adoption front. I haven’t even bought plane tickets to Kazapalooza because I keep thinking we’ll get word soon. Still no word but we are hopeful it will be soon. Sometimes I have to remind myself that despite my best efforts, I am not actually able to mentally will it to happen by telekinesis. I am not one to sit around and wait for things to happen. I am lazy- this I admit- but once I decide to do something, it gets done. But in adoption it doesn’t really work that way. The fact that I am not in charge sort of hit home on the way to the lake this weekend. We left at Rinat’s bedtime on Thursday thinking it would be great to drive while he’s snoozing in the backseat so we don’t have to hear the inevitable “Are we there yet? I want a lollipop.” a million and a half times during our 5 hour drive. That was smart planning on our part- if only we had looked at the weather report. We hadn’t gotten even an hour outside of the city when it began to rain. OK, rain’s no big deal, I just figured it would just take a little longer to get there. Then it got heavier and then heavier as I leaned closer and closer to the windshield to try and see what lay ahead of us. People began to slow down from 70 to 40. As it got worse, they eventually slowed down to 20 and put on their hazard lights. Then we saw some people who had stopped underneath the overpasses to wait it out (how smart!), then people pulled to the side of the road. Then the ENTIRE highway- 4 lanes of traffic- came to a dead halt as we were unable to see further than 5 feet in front of our car. Peter eased the car over to the side of the road and put it in park to wait it out. Before we knew it, the rain got louder in a way that we knew it was no longer just rain. We looked out the windshield and hail the size of Skittles bounced off the car’s hood and piled up. I looked above to make sure the sunroof was covered in case it was shattered by the storm. The noise as it pummeled our car was so deafening that Peter and I could hardly hear each other talk. I had never been outside in the middle of anything like this (OK in the car, but still) and it was truly scary. There was literally nothing that we could do but sit there and wait while it raged around us. All of us people, sitting in our cars, given over to the amazing power of nature. It sort of makes me rethink the whole idea that I am in charge of anything. And then, miraculously, it cleared. The hail slowed and stopped, the rain lessened to a drizzle, cars began to tentatively creep back onto the road and into the travel lanes, my heart began to slow down its frantic beating, and all was back to normal. I then realized that I had heard not a peep from the back seat. I turned around and our sweet, exhausted boy had slept through the whole thing. Oh, to be young again…

Once we made it to the lake after 2 in the morning, all was well and we had a fantastically relaxing time. The weather was sunny, the lake water was warm, and the daiquiris were ice cold. It was fabulous. My cousin and his wife joined us with their 1 year old and I just spent the whole time thinking that hopefully soon we will have another little one of our own. A cute, sweet one like him, please.

Carson Has ESP

Hi Everybody!
Carson has been telling me for months that we would meet our new child on June 17.  Then a couple of weeks ago, she switched it to June 18.  Well, sistah was correct.  My phone rang minutes after I got out of the shower this morning.  I was still dripping wet and it showed an area code that I didn't recognize.  I wasn't going to answer it, thinking that it was a wrong number an not wanting to bother with it, but decided to anyway for some reason (maybe my subliminal took over?).  And I am so glad that I did.  It was the director of our agency.  It took me a second to figure out why he might be calling.  For some reason, I was thinking that maybe he was calling to ask me again about our requests in terms of age/etc because we were next in line or something but instead he told me that there was a baby available for us to meet (OMG!).  I told him I was getting goosebumps and he said "Now, don't get them quite yet, nothing's set in stone!"  I was trying really hard not to cry because I was afraid I wouldn't be able to talk and ask questions of him.  I did hold it together and ask a few questions, but as all adopters know, and he had just said, nothing is set in stone.  But important thing is...
There is a baby available June 20 and we'd have to leave on the 18th.  Craziness! 
Today is a really really really good day!
-m