Discombobulated

Hi everyone- I know you all want to ask so let me just start out by saying that there’s no news from Kaz. OK, now that that’s done, thank you everyone for your sweet words about our trip falling through. It was actually a lot harder for me to deal with than I thought. After I emerged from my high fever and adrenaline induced haze, I was actually really sad about it for a little while and a little bit wacko too. Every time the phone would ring, I would completely freak out. One time it rang a day or so after the ‘no baby’ call and I leapt up from my chair to find the phone so fast that I banged my knee on the table leg, tripped over the computer cord, caught myself in time to go careening across the rug feet first like I was sliding into home plate and bash my toe in to the corner of the entry table, grab my purse, and start flinging things out in a frantic attempt to find the ringing phone. It was the handyman. Aargh. So Carson suggested that I change the ring tone of my agency- duh. That alone has helped my mental state immensely. But I still find myself wandering aimlessly, not really knowing what to do to help the time pass. I’m short tempered, I get sad unexpectedly, and I don’t know what to do about it. I even Googled ‘when are we going to Kazakhstan?’ the other day out of desperation. Sadly, no answers were to be found via Google (only, strangely enough, ads for bird watching trips). But I am not feeling sorry for myself or looking for sympathy. I know this will pass and there will be a happy ending and we will end up with a child that was absolutely meant to join our family. I just don’t know what to do in the meantime. Suggestions are most definitely welcome. Just keep in mind that I have to do them with a 3 year old, energy-filled boy in tow.

I didn’t sign Rinat up for anything at all this summer because I thought we’d be gone for a good portion of it and I didn’t want to waste the money ($500 for a week of half-day camp anyone?) and now I am really regretting it. He is once again a joy most of the time but it is close to impossible to get anything done. Yesterday I answered the phone and walked into the other room so I could hear what the other person was saying. He followed me in there and started playing with a noisy toy right at my feet so I went back in to the living room. He followed me in there and kept asking “Why you say dat, Mama?” about every word that came out of my mouth. So I finally informed him that I was going upstairs to my room and I was going to shut the door and he was not allowed in. So what did he do? He played right outside the door in the hallway. But he didn’t try to come in, sweet boy. Things could be worse, I know, but sometimes it’s just tiring to be so adored all day long.

We did not get to go to Kazapalooza since I foolishly cancelled all plans the second I heard about the baby and couldn’t afford to re-book it at the last minute (but as you can see from the photo, we were there in spirit!). We were so sad to miss it this year but are already looking forward to next year down in Florida. So instead of KP, we went to visit my brother and his family- including the new addition who is absolutely adorable. He’s just old enough to be smiley but it not yet on the move which is lots of fun. And Rinat just follows his older cousin around doing everything he does and repeating everything he says. And he got his fill of princesses from his middle cousin.  Most of his friends at school are girls so he knows about them all.  I’m so glad that they are close enough to visit fairly often. It's good to get a dose of family when I need it.  But I have to admit that the best part of it was that the whole way down (9&1/2 hours) and back (8 hours) there was not one second of whining, crying, or yelling from the backseat. He is getting to be a big boy after all. Instead, we spent a good part of the time in the car playing Guess That Instrument. I would hear a little voice from the backseat saying “Mommy? What intaments you hear in dis song?” and we would name them. I am not very good at this game and quite frankly neither is Rinat- he just insists that there are drums and a trumpet in every song- but it certainly kept him occupied. And he was nice and quiet while he was listening. I like that game. I could play it for hours. Oh wait, I did.

Other than the trip to see the new cousin, we have just been hanging out and trying to stay cool. It’s been in the high 90’s here and humid and even Rinat is not so keen on playing in the backyard. I am planning on many many trips to the pool this summer if we are stuck around here even thought it $15 every time. Rinat keeps insisting that he knows how to swim although I am doing my best to convince him that is not yet the case. That kid has no fear and I’m afraid he’ll jump in when I’m not looking. He really really really wants to jump off the diving board like the big kids but I tell him that he has to be able to jump in from the side without me catching him first. He will jump to me and I let his head go under now. He is not too fond of it, but he keeps right on jumping. So if you call and I don’t answer… we’re at the pool. Much love –m

Oh, and can you make out Rinat’s name in the photo on the left? There’s the ‘R’ ‘i’ ‘t’ and a very skinny ‘n’ at the end. And then he decided to start making the horizontal lines ‘so they can’t get up’ as I ran to get the camera (I don’t understand but whatever). He hasn’t shown any interest in writing the ‘a’ quite yet. Pretty good though for a 3&1/2 year old, huh? And he wanted me to show off his jellyfish too.