Part 2- And then there was a play

Hi All- 

And then there was a play…

Our mischievous little man was an elf.  How fitting, right?  And he could not have been more excited about it.  He walked around singing all day every day- one of the five songs that they were to perform.  We made a sign,we got costumes, and he practiced practiced practiced.  He had volunteered us to make cookies (which thankfully his teacher filled me in on a day before) and so cookies were baked and decorated appropriately.

And then the big night was upon us.  And it did not disappoint.  The excitement ‘backstage’ was palpable as the kids got dressed up in their costume.  Everyone was on their best behavior for the big night.  Parents were told to take their seats- our Mr Bek was not to happy to leave the fun of all the kids- and we waited patiently for it to begin.  There was the parade of characters through the crowd- Santa of course, the Elves, Betty Beautiful dolls, soldiers and trains.  Rin put the “Shhh” sign to good use to hush the crowd and it began.  It was a succession of songs that we all knew but with different words.  “Jingle Bell Rock” became “Soldier boy, soldier boy, soldier boy march”.  That song that I can't think of the name of that says "Falalalala-la-la-la-la became “Chug-a chug-a chug, chug chug chug chug” and so on.  

And the kids- ranging in age from 3-5- did absolutely wonderful.  Miss Carla said it was the best performance in 15 years.  The only issue was when a couple of the trains crashed into each other as they attempted to chug in a circle and all the parents tried not to laugh at the cutest train wreck ever.  The whole play was just so stinkin’ cute I could barely stand it.  And Bek was entranced as well.  Every time one of the songs ended, he make frantic ‘more’ signs until the next one started.  When it was over we had to bribe him with cookies so he would stop crying that they were done.  And the boys played until we drug them home. 

All in all, it was a complete success and if there had been critic in the audience that night, I am confident that they would have given the play five stars.  Yes, I am biased- but aren't I allowed to be?  

Love to all,  -m

The Holiday Season- Part 1

Hi All-

Does it seem to anyone else as if the holidays start at Halloween and just never STOP?  Yes, this is a two (or three, or four/five/six) part-er.  What can I say?  We were busy the last couple of months.  In a good way.  It all started with a performance and a feast…

Rin’s class sang four sweet songs to celebrate Thanksgiving and what it means and had the parents come in and share food.  I just love Thanksgiving and the message that it sends.  It’s not about what you buy someone or what you get in return. There are no obligations aside from eating a few bites of each dish that someone made and telling them it’s delicious.  It’s all about appreciating what you have.  And boy do we appreciate things around here.  Especially these boys.  

I am so thankful every day for my boys, even on the more trying days.  As Rinat asks me sometimes in the middle of playing Lego’s or reading a book or just hanging out, “Mommy, do you still love me even when you are being mad at me?”  But he knows that I do.  He knows because I tell him about a hundred times a day.  Sometimes in the middle of 'being mad' at him even.  And so when I answer ‘yes’, he looks at me with a smile and says.  “Yeah, I know.”  It’s like he’s just sorta checking.  Just in case.  But really just cause he wanted to hear it for the hundred and first time that day.  But for every bit of aggravation that he brings to me at times, he also brings out the best.  He melts my heart on a daily basis- being so gentle and caring toward his little brother who sometimes hits him and steals his stuff, working so so hard to spell a word for one of the books that he’s written and illustrated, being so proud of himself when he cleans up his room all by himself during quiet time without being asked- I mean, sometimes I can hardly stand it.  He’s amazing.  And I am so thankful that he ended up in our family.

And as for the other boys in my life, what can I really say?  I am just as obsessed with them too.  Little BekMan just gets cuter and lovey-er every single day.  He is the highlight of my day every single day- even when he hits me in the face and laughs, even when he has a diaper blowout, even when he screams his head off when I put him to bed.  It’s still the best day possible because he’s there. 

And Peter too.  I have been in love with my sweet hubs for 18 years now.  EIGHTEEN.  I can hardly believe that I am 18 years old, much less that I have been with Peter for that long.  (And yes, I am way waaaay past 18 years old.  Don’t remind me.  Seriously, don’t.  I just want to live in LaLaLand and pretend I am NOT approaching 40.)  Just like my other boys, Peter can make me furious sometimes and I might still wake up with smoke coming out of my ears the next morning but then he does something like say, “No, Hon, you stay in bed.  I got the boys.“ and I am smitten once again.  I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to stroll downstairs at 8:30 and see all my boys around the table playing Lego’s or PlayDoh just as happy as three little clams.  It's absolute heaven.    

And I am so thankful that I have someone who truly appreciates what I do and doesn’t pressure me to earn money outside of the house at the expense of the kids.  I feel like time with them is so limited and I want to be there just as much as I possibly can.  And I am.  Day in, day out, I am there.  I know one day I’ll get a real job but for now, this is my work and I love it.  Every day I am so thankful I filled out that application for position of mother (literally!).  The pay is crappy, the hours long, and my coworkers sometimes annoying but the payback is beyond measure.  

Love to all, -m

A Happy Post

Hi all-
There is one thing that I left out of the September recap because it is so fabulous, so amazing, and so nerve wracking that it deserved a post all it’s own. 

Uncle MattMatt’s wedding.

Uncle MattMatt (aka, Peter’s younger brother, Matt) is one of those guys who always thought he’d never find his perfect woman.  For every girl he went out with, there was some little thing that he took exception to.  But in reality, it was just that he hadn’t met the one person who he wouldn’t care wasn’t perfect.  But finally, finally he did.  They met last year just as we were preparing to head off to the unknown in Kazakhstan.  We didn’t get too many details except for the fact that rather than asking our advice about whether we liked her and thought she was pretty/smart/funny, he just told us he really liked her.  For him, this was new and different.  But then we went off to Kazakhstan to deal with our own lives for a while.  Then we came back.  Then we went again.  Then we came back again and spent the holidays and most of January waiting.  Then I went and brought our new little guy into our lives and he took over our existence for a while. 

And once we got our feet under us and rejoined the world after a while, we knew that this girl was the one girl who was going to be perfect for him.  And we weren't surprised when he decided that, after 6 months of dating, he was going to ask her to marry him.   

And she said yes thank goodness.

And they asked the boys to be in the wedding. 

Awww CRAP. 

I mean, I love a cute kid in a wedding.  But mine being that cute kid?  It filled me with stress.  Would they wear the clothes, walk the aisle, behave themselves, or scream and ruin it all?  But of course we said yes.  So clothes were ordered, clothes were exchanged (imagine this- Bek was too fat for his size), clothes were altered (the size that fit his belly were inches too long for his chubby little arms), multiple shoe sizes were bought just in case.  And we packed our bags and headed out for the big weekend.

And it was a wonderful weekend.  There were fancy parties (and babysitters for us so we could attend the fancy parties!).  My wonderful Peter gave a heartfelt speech at the rehearsal dinner; we drank lots of wine and got to spend time with family and friends.  And then it was go time.  We got the kids all dressed in their fancy white silk suits (yeah, white silk- on a one year old- yikes!), put on their knee high little cotton socks, tied their cute little while oxford shoes, and hopped in the car hoping for good behavior and no rolling around on the floor getting dirty before the photos. 

At the church, there was a bagpipe player which was just what the doctor ordered.  Aibek was completely enthralled with him.  Every time he stopped for a minute, Bek made the ‘more’ sign.  He literally stood there, mouth open, watching.  And Rin was having a blast with the other two kids who were ring bearers (who, thank goodness were not perfect either but also two cute little boys who were doing what boys do) and behaving himself quite nicely.  I think it helped that I had shown him YouTube videos of ring bearers to prep him for the big event.  And then the time for the boys to perform was upon us.  Rin was very into the whole thing.  He knew exactly how to hold his pole with the flower ball on it (I’m sure it has a name, I just have no idea what it is), how fast or slow to walk down the aisle, and being the ham he is he was reveling in having all eyes on him.  But Bek… well, I wasn’t really sure he would make it.  At the rehearsal the previous day, Rin and Bek held hands going down the aisle but Bek wasn’t super excited at the prospect of being dragged down by his brother so instead he sat his little butt down and screamed.  So, for the real deal, I just decided to play it by ear.  The other three kids held hands and started to walk.  I- who was holding Bek since he wouldn’t hear of anyone else doing it in this room full of scary strangers- said, “Hey look, Bek, there goes RahRah!  Go follow him!” and set him down on the ground.  Little man started sorta strolling on down behind the big boys swinging his little arms, looking around at all the people but he seemed kinda like ‘alright, there’s all these people looking at me but I’m good with it, they seem nice enough and no one is touching me’ (he’s still scared of strangers at this point) and he kept on strolling without looking back.  So I booked it on up the side aisle to the front in my platform heels and whipped around the front aisle to see that Bek had tripped and fallen and someone he didn’t know was very nicely in the process of setting him back on his feet.  But I knew what would happen. Almost in slow motion I saw him get that look on his face that precedes a loud wail.  So I ran a grabbed him before he could get it out and sat down in the pew where he seemed still confused but pretty happy.  And he did well.  Until he saw, during the opening prayer, that his daddy was standing up at the front of the church and he proceeded to say, very loudly in that quiet church, “DADA! DAAADAAA!!”  So I ran out the side door and once again missed the wedding of a family member.

I seem to be cursed, you see, with missing family weddings.  I missed Kate’s last year because I was worshiping the porcelain god; missed Robby’s because we had just gotten home with Bek and I didn’t think I could face traveling again, this time alone, with both of my sometimes rambunctious boys (one, need I mention, with giardia and totally confused about what was going on in his world); missed Matt’s because I was outside sweating and getting bit by mosquitoes and holding Bek (but eventually gave up and sat in the car with the AC); and most recently I missed Emma’s because I was home with the boys because we couldn’t face the 9 hour drive a week after Big Pete’s funeral.  One of these days I’ll attend a wedding again.  Maybe Peter and I should get married again.  Certainly I couldn’t miss that one, right?  Oh wait, but that would mean I’d have to plan one.  Never mind.  Planning a wedding sucks.

But it was fun being outside as Matt and Melissa exited the church as husband and wife.  They just seemed so darn happy about it.  And then it was back to the club for the posed photos and I have to admit that my perfect little Rin had a moment.  I’m pretty sure there will be at least a few photos of my precious boy with a scowl on his pretty little face but I can’t complain.  Because it was off to another fancy party with a great band, dancing, food and drinks while the sitter gave the kids their own ice cream and cake of carried them off to bed.

All in all, a great weekend.  We had fun, the boys behaved, and Bek made it halfway down the aisle.  I have no complaints.  And, most importantly, our Uncle MattMatt got to marry the woman he loves.  And that, of course, is the only thing that matters anyway. 

 Love to all, -m

And no, I don’t have any photos.  I was such a stress ball about the wedding that it didn’t even occur to me to bring a camera. Oops.  Bad Mommy.    
No wait, here's one I poached off FaceBook after the fact.  Aren't they cute?

Loss

I have been trying to write this for a week but nothing I write seems… enough.  I sit down to write and nothing comes out.  Not because I have nothing to say but there is just too much.  I write and delete over and over again.  So now I am going to write and then post it before I can stop myself.  Here goes. 

I don’t even know how to write this.  It hurts my heart to even start.  But our world changed forever last week when I saw my strong, loving husband’s face crumble when he answered the phone.  A wife lost her husband, children lost their father, and my sweet sweet babies lost someone who loved them with all of his heart.  Last week they lost my husband's father, their Granddaddy.  My kids lost a future with him- someone who could have taught them about generosity, compassion, and selflessness.  How doing little things can make all the difference in someone’s life.  I know there are a lot of people who share this loss with us and it fills my heart to know that he was so loved.  How could he not have been?  He was one of the most open hearted and generous people I have known.  All he genuinely wanted out of life was for everyone else to be happy and he supported anything that would do that.  He gave and gave and all he wanted in return was our love.  When we told him that we were going to adopt our children- and from a place that he had never even heard of no less- he was nothing but supportive and excited.  The next time we saw him, he was full of facts about Kazakhstan- the population, the natural resources, the politics.  His excitement for us to fulfill our dreams of being parents was obvious.  It was pure and unselfish excitement.  And that was him in a nutshell.  He felt his happiness through the happiness of others. 

I will always feel like I wasn’t open enough in my love for him.  I wish I would have said it first, said it more often, said it every single day.  I wish I would have called him out of the blue just to say hi.  I wish I would have hugged him tighter and longer.  There is a black hole of woulda shoulda coulda and I could fall into it if I let myself, but I won’t.  Instead I will remember the look on his face as he saw my kids, Rinat especially, and let out a booming “Hey there, Big Boy!” in his sweet southern drawl, arms wide open, big smile on his face, as Rin ran into his bear hug and I will know that my babies gave him some pure and unquestioning happiness.  They hugged strong and tight, and with their whole hearts just as he did them, and I know they brought joy to his life in even his darkest of days. 

And I will remember the tears in his eyes as we said goodbye each time we got in the car to head home from a visit with him.  “Thank you so much for coming.  You don’t know how much it means to me that you were here,” he said every single time as he apologized unnecessarily for the show of emotion.  I too am a softie though I hide it well and I knew what he was saying- that he loved us, that we had made wonderful memories together, and that he was already looking forward to making more- because I was too.  And so, as I say goodbye for the last time, I am the one whose eyes are overflowing and I am the one saying,

Thank you, Pete, for spending time with us.  It meant the world to us that you were here.  I am so glad that Rinat got to spend 4 years knowing you and that you got to spend some time with our sweet little Aibek.  And most of all I am glad that you got to see your son become a father.  You taught him well and I know it made you so happy to see his dreams fulfilled.  We love you and will remember you with nothing but love, every day, for the rest of our lives.  I will give my family all of the hugs I should have given you.  I promise to hold them tight and long and with my whole heart in your stead.

All my love,
-m       

All Caught Up Now

Hi all-

So, here it is already October and I am still playing blog catch-up from this summer.  Let me give you the lowdown on August and September (which counts at summer ‘round here since it’s still in the 90’s and the mosquitoes swarm me the second I step outside).  Sometimes I hate VA.

August brought us our wonderful yearly journey to the beach.  It is one long trip, but the boys entertained themselves quite nicely for the 10 hours or whatever it was to get there this year.  Thank goodness for the dollar store is all I gotta say. 

A few little toys, a few little treats, a movie or two and then we were there- toes in sand, sun on bodies, smiles on faces.  Ahhh.  Well, for everyone except for our sweet high maintenance (when it comes to new textures) Bek that is.  The entire week, we spent trying to get him to tolerate the sand but it wasn’t until the very last morning that I had the brilliant idea (light bulb over my head) that I could leave his stinkin’ shoes on.  Duh.  And he walked around like he’d been doing it all week. 

Oh well, at least we know for next time.  But, as usual, the water was a big hit.  Rin boogie boarded, Bek floated, and a good time was had by all.  It was a week of castle building, bonding with extended family, puttputting, Bek falling asleep eating (not once, not twice, but THREE times), and lots and lots of fun.  I can’t believe it’s going to be another whole year before we get to do it again. 
Sigh.   

But back to reality and our own little part of the world because it was time for Rin to start his new school soon after we got back.  And he was so excited.  Already this year- I am writing this a month after the start of school after all- I am blown away by how much he is learning.  I mean really.  This is what my 4 year old is working on.  Can you believe my baby is writing words?  I mean, yes, I helped him sound them out and told him o+o says “oo” and s+h says "sh" but still.  He was so proud of himself.  And I was almost jumping up and down myself.  And, I have to admit, maybe a little bit sad that he’s growing up but that’s my job, right?  Raise him up right and then send him out into the world to live his life hoping that I've done all I can to prepare him.  My sweet baby (er, boy).   

And as for my other sweet boy, he just keeps getting sweeter and spunkier and more adorable every single day.  I am seriously obsessed with kissing him.  And he doesn't seem to mind too much.  At night, after their baths, the boys play upstairs rolling around on the floor being silly and just generally laughing nonstop.  It’s my favorite time of day.  And the other day, Bek decided to play the kissing game.  He would run to me and kiss my cheek, then to Peter and kiss his, and then to Rin and kiss him, and then back around to me again, Peter again and around and around.  He did this for a good 10 mintues or so while Rin continued to play 'jungle gym' with Daddy.  You would think that Rin would protest but I think he likes it just as much as we do. 

Our boys are amazingly close and I wish with all of my being that it stays that way.  They seem to have some sort of understanding between each other.  Some closeness that I can’t even begin to touch.  When I find myself losing my tempter and shouting at one of them (yes, it happens- don’t judge) the one always come to the other’s rescue from mean mommy with kisses and hugs and, on Rinat’s part, a toy offering to make our little guy stop crying.  It gets me every time.   

What a blessing these boys are.  They are full of energy and love and every single day I think about how different our lives would be if we have not ended up together.  All four of us were somehow put together by the universe and it couldn’t have turned out better.  I am counting my blessings each and every day. 

I hope you all find a reason to count your blessings today too.
Love to all, -m

The Days of Bek

Hi All-

It’s been a year.  An entire year since a little boy turned our world around.  There we were in on the other side of the world discussing how long we could wait it out before we gave up on three years of hoping and went home baby-less to start over. 

And then we met HIM. 

In a little room, filled with strangers, Rinat was playing quietly with toys from the baby house director’s shelves.  The adults were chit-chatting but I was silent, nerves taking over my body, brain going a million miles a minute, waiting to meet a boy- the boy who could be ours.  They warned us he would cry.  “He is not good with strangers,” they said.  But they brought him in, all tucked into the arms of his nanny and covered head to toe but for his little round face.  She turned him to face us and I prepared myself for the tears.  But they didn’t come.  From either of us.  I was too happy.  He was too scared.  They asked if I wanted to hold him and I reached up to hold this bundle of cloth with a face.  He looked down at me and I looked up at him and I took him gently and put him in my lap while they told us his life story.  In his short life he had already lived in two different cities and been taken care of by countless numbers of people.  I was hoping (if all the stars aligned) we would be the last in that long line.  That we would be the people he could call his family.  Time stopped as I tried my hardest to look at his little face with out jostling him, without pushing too hard to know him- so as not to scare him- and all of the other people in the room disappeared.  I looked into those beautiful dark eyes like deep pools and I just wanted to jump in.  I came back to reality and realized Peter couldn’t see his face and so before they could take him back to his room, I turned him to look at his beautiful Daddy who said “Hi there!” and it was too much for him.  His little face screwed up into the pre-cry face that I have now learned to know so well and they whisked him off before it became full blown.  But we were left with the afterglow of the promise that we would get to see this sweet little one again tomorrow.  And our life as a family of four began. 

Our little boys are lucky.  Not only do they have the day of their birthday to celebrate them but a whole series of days- the day we met, the day the court said yes, the day we took him from the Baby House, the day we brought him home.  And when the weather begins to change and the days turn colder, we begin The Days of Bek.  Days when we remember all of the steps along to way to becoming his family.  We have special treats, lots of telling and remembering the story, some gifts, and lots and lots of hugs and kisses.

The other day I asked Rinat, “What do you love the most about Bek?”  His immediate response was to pantomime and then say, “Hugs.  I love his hugs the most.”  I totally and completely agree.  He gives the kind of hugs that let you know that he loves you with all of his little being, tight squishy hugs full of love.  He’ll be getting a whole lot of them back from his Mama.  Each and every day.

I swear our little guy just knew it was his day today.  I went to get him up and the first thing he did was stick his little fingers up in the air and shake his hips from side to side in a celebration dance with a big smile on his face.  I hope you all find a reason to do a little dance today.  I have many- but one big reason in particular today.  I feel a dance party coming on.

Love to all, -m