April 2013- Some (love) Notes

Hi all,

So you know how sometimes I post photos but not really any writing?  Well, I haven’t been taking many photos lately but I have made lots of notes on my phone so here ya go- lots of thoughts, not so many photos. 

Apr 1

We went to the zoo and Bek was concerned about where all the animals lived.  “Where dey house?  Where dey go nitenite?” about every single animal that we saw.  He is so darn cute and I just can’t get over how in tune he is to other people (and animals).  It’s his gift. 

Apr 10

Spring in this part of the country is just gorgeous.  Cherry trees are raining blossoms like snow. I love them but I have to say my fave part is when the ‘snow’ gets tracked inside by little feet.  I don’t love the mess but I feel like nature is celebrating the coming of spring by making its own confetti.  And I agree that spring is most definitely cause for celebration.   There are so many cherry trees around there that on the way home from swim lessons the other day, Bek yelled from the backseat "Snow Mama!"  Can we have some hot chocolate?”  Love it love it love it.  And I love that when a friend of Rin’s was shaking the branches to try and get it to snow he yelled, “Don’t do that!  You’re killing the environment!”  I do wonder what he’s going to end up doing with his life.  I have a sneaking suspicious it might have to do with nature.  

April 15

It was one of those perfect mornings.  A morning when your 6 year old, instead of going downstairs to turn on the TV and tune out climbs into bed to snuggle on a dark and stormy spring morning.  He is then joined by your 3 year old who is uncharacteristically snuggly too.  They ask questions about the thunderstorm and lightening outside as we melt into each other arms and legs intertwined in the bed and just enjoy each other.  There is laughing and hugging and kissing and you know that there won’t be too many more mornings like this and you try to soak it in so it can be a part of you forever. And your heart is full.

Apr 5

Crying my eyes out as I take apart the crib.  I'm not sure I'm done with kids and it makes me sad that this part of my life might be over. But the main reason that I would want to do this whole thing again is because I can’t imagine my life with only Walt and me.  I mean, it would be great (Walt is great) but having another sibling just adds another dimension to a family.  I mean, I never would have traveled if it weren’t for my little brother- I sure wasn’t brave enough to do it alone.  I don’t know.  We talk about it but who knows what will happen.  Nothing seems to happen the way we plan it anyway.  Plans are for the naive.       

Apr 11

Aibek is starting to really get it. I pointed out letters a and b in a book and told him the sounds they make. Last night we read the book again and asked him what they said to see if he remembered and he actually did. And he's starting to count. So far, it goes 1, 2, 8, 11, 7. It goes consistently that way. And he can't really tell me what color something is but if I ask him to point to something red or blue or green. He generally can. But if it was up to him everything would be yellow. Everything. He could care less about the blooming cherry trees, but he's all about the bright yellow forsythia bushes. He loves them.  Having a second child is freeing in some ways.  If Rin hadn’t been able to tell the colors by now, I would be freaking out.  But now on kid number two, I get to relax and tell myself, “He’ll get it when he’s ready.”  Because as ahead of things as Rinat was at this age, things sort of even up over time.  It’s liberating not to have to worry so much.   

Apr 18

I am unpacking boxes still. They taunt me from the corners of the rooms but I am determined to not just shove them into the attic or a closet but to actually go through each one and give it some attention. We moved almost 3 months ago- the third time in two years and I am hoping it's our last.  Last week I unpacked the box of photo albums. I enjoyed looking through them a little bit and then I put them up in my room. Last night Rin noticed them there and picked up "Stanward Bound: The Story of Rinat" and started to read. Not just to look at the photos but to read the words that I had written.  And he went through each and every page looking at the photos and reading the story of his adoption and he asked questions. We talked about it but I had a hard time dealing with the fact that the tiny baby in the photo album was the actual 6 year old reading it.  I was just completely and utterly blown away.   I sat there with my mouth open watching this big boy who I still see as my little boy, read about his past.  

Sometimes I forget that our story is not normal. That our lives could have ended up differently, that we could have never even known each other. Adoption doesn't really have a huge day-to-day impact at this point and sometimes I forget how lucky we actually are to have found each other and I am glad that I am reminded by my sweet boy.  I really do hope that he keeps asking questions as the years go by. I may not be able to answer them all but I will sure try.  This time it was "Was my whole baby house really yellow?” And “Were the nannies sad when I left?" but I know one day the questions will get harder to answer and I am glad that I have something like our blog and photos to facilitate talking about it.  And I am very glad that we have the support of our amazing adoption friends to help us answers those tough questions that are sure to come. 

The only thing that threw me off during this interaction with my boys was when Bek asked "Where me?"  Guess I better get to making his book. Can't let the little bugger feel left out!  

Apr 23

Peter was taking the boys to school his morning and as he was getting Bek into the car, Rin threw me a kiss. Then another. And again. And for the entire time that Peter was buckling Bek in. And then when Peter got in the car he rolled down the window and they drove away to the sounds of "Love you Mama! " coming from the both of them with more kisses blown my way. What more could a mom want? 

Now- lest you think every morning is this movie perfect- the previous morning went like this: "Put your shoes on please.  Please put your shoes on now. Rin, Bek, put them on right now. Now.  I said ON. For the love of god- PUT THEM ON!” Yes, I did. I am not above losing my shit every once in a while. Call it a grown up tantrum if you want. Not my finest moment but with two rambunctious boys its bound to happen, right?  Please tell me yes.  Just thought we needed a little reality in the middle of the perfection so no one would think I was full of crap.  Our life isn’t perfect, but it’s perfectly wonderful. 

Love to all, -m