Exhaustion is an understatement. But the new Mama hormones I have coursing through my body are completely making up for it. My friend Carson and I went and had a visit with my little Sumo this morning and I was so afraid that he was going to cry or that he wouldn’t want to be held by me. But he didn’t at all. Not even when Carson held him (and cried). I could hardly put him down because I just wanted to hold his sweet soft little body in my arms and feel that fuzzy head on my cheek. And it was bliss, pure bliss. And when I did put him down, I saw that he’s crawling now. No more of the flop and puke, he’s really truly crawling across the room and it is so good to see. And he’s making some sounds too. I heard him say some consonants and I mirrored them back to him and he looked at me like “Wait a minute, you heard that?” I think he’s going to start babbling soon after we get Mr. Cuteness home. I told Peter I was going to teach him to say “Dada” before we get home. As you can see, I did take a couple of photos today but mostly I really just wanted to hold him. I want to hold him until my arms go numb and I have made up for them being Aibek-less for the last seven weeks. But most of all, I want to hold him until he knows that I will hold him forever.
There have been a few changes around the Baby House since we last were here. The big room downstairs is under construction so we had to go in the main door (which I had never been through before). The carpets were ripped up and everything was a little chaotic with the changes. There were new babies in Aibek’s room and some of my favorite ones that I was hoping to see had moved on to other rooms. But I did get to see some of my other little baby friends. And, as is typical for anyone who comes to Kazakhstan, Carson wanted to know why most of them were not able to be adopted because, really, shouldn’t they all have homes? But there are things here (and in the US too of course) that just don’t seem right and there’s not much you can do about it. Rules are rules and it makes me feel better to know that at least they are taken care of as well as possible in the Baby House. It’s no family, but they are healthy and mostly happy and it could be worse.
After the visit, we ran a couple of errands and then headed back to the Cosmonaut Hotel for lunch and a big fat nap. As we ate lunch, Carson saw that it was beginning to snow. It was those big fat flakes that drift down slowly and land so gently on top of each other just blanketing every branch with gorgeousness. It was beautiful and so cozy. The only thing missing was a big fluffy chair by a crackling fire, a good book, and a cup of hot cocoa. But it made for good napping too. I kept having dreams of picking Aibek up from the baby house and doing stuff like dropping him on his head, or forgetting him somewhere, or them stopping us at immigration and I felt so sick to my stomach and slept a bit fitfully. But I woke up excited and glad to have gotten at least a little bit of sleep considering what’s ahead.
We picked my sweet Sumo up at 9pm from the baby house on our way to the airport and I felt like we were doing it on the sly, like we were stealing him or something. They had let Murat know not to lock the gates to the driveway and to wait for us by the door to let us in. When we came in Bek’s room, it was eerily quiet. The lights were off and one of my favorite nannies, the one who whispers Kazakh in Aibek’s ear, was there to see him off. She had changed him and put on a fresh diaper so all we had to do was bundle him in his puffy snowsuit and we were ready to go. But for some reason, I just couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to. I have such mixed emotions about taking him away from the only home he’s ever known and the only ‘mommies’ he’s ever known. I know it’s his chance to have a family and our chance to have a child and it’s a really good thing but still I feel guilty. There were tears- from Carson and from me and from his nanny- and we walked out into the wintery outside world and he was gone forever from the Botakoz baby house. It was a little bit sad but mostly happy. And off we were.
When we went to check in at the airport, it turned out there was no reservation for him on the plane- oops. But we got it all figured out, paid our overweight charges, and then we headed straight onto the plane. He was so good. Amazingly good. I gave him his first non Baby House bottle, some little bits of bread; he played with toys, looked out the window, saw TV for the first time, watched the big fat moon out the window, chuckled at silly Auntie Carson, and stared at the people. The air steward greeted us as we were sitting down and I noticed that his name was Aibek. I told him, ‘Oh, this is Aibek too!” Such a happy coincidence. He helped me get him all strapped onto me and said “We need to keep little Aibek safe” and asked if he was mine. I guess I should expect that question a lot now. I mean, it was not so obvious with Rinat but with Aibek, there it’s sort of in-your-face that we do not share any of the same genes. But we got lots of smiles, the airport ladies made cute baby talk to him, people asked how old he is. I did not notice a single unhappy face directed our way despite the fact that some people here are not so keen on international adoption. It was all smiles. And so was I.
He didn’t actually cry until we got in the car with Sasha. And then he wailed. It is times like that that I am so happy to have Carson with me because she, of course, made him an extra bottle which did the trick. Actually two bottles finally put him under. And his little eyes went to half mast, and then finally closed, fingers in mouth, smacking in his sleep. Aaaahhhh. Nothing like a sleeping baby to remind you the world is good.
And nothing like sleeping on a box spring to wake you up at 5:30 after going to bed at 3:00. But what an amazing sound I woke up to. I could hear my little man sucking his fingers and sighing a contented little sigh. I looked down into the nest we had fashioned between two suitcases, the wall, and the bed and he is all curled up in his little jammies just snoozing away. No better sight in the world. If I know my sweet sweet husband, there will be lots of ‘checking on the baby’ when we get home so he can see our little man safe and sound, happy and healthy, in our very own house. What a wonderful thing that will be. But for now, an apartment in Almaty’s pretty great too.
Love to all, more when I can, -m
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