Nov 2013- First Ever Tooth Fairy and a Kaz News Article

Hi all,

One of Rin’s assignments at school this week was to come up with an “artifact” or a family heirloom to bring and show everyone and talk about why it was special.  Rin chose to show everyone the Armstrong Desk that will one day be passed down to him.  It was built in 1882 I think (could be wrong) on his great great grandfather’s farm and has been passed down through 4 generations now and Rin is so excited that it will one day be his.  He loved the story behind it and the writing in it that was put there long ago.  And he has informed me that Hannah (my doll) will one day be Bek’s because he has Howard in his name.  Not sure it’s valuable to anyone but me but that’s alright.  He does actually love to play with her.  But Bek has never had a lovely that he depended on like I did with Hannah and Rin does with Bubby.  I think maybe it’s because I am the lovey.  Peter and me are the ones he seeks for comfort and consolation when he’s upset and that’s quite ok with me.     

(I’m going to try and find Rin’s project sheet and scan it here)

 

And our little Bek has been learning a lot too.  He told me he wants to play hockey so we signed him up for his first ice skating lessons and it was so cute.  They gave him training wheels (aka a bucket) to help him get across the ice and it was literally the cutest thing I have even seen.  But that sweet boy of mine is a teacher’s worst nightmare because he thinks he is HILARIOUS all the time.  He falls down once and laughs and it’s cute but then the 50^th time, it gets slightly annoying and the 500^th time is just plain aggravating.  He hasn’t figured that part out quite yet.  But so far he seems to like it and he wants to know when he gets a helmet with a face mask.  We will see where it leads.

 

Now, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday- what is there not to like about good food and spending time with good friends, and family?  This year was no different.  We took a trip to LBurg to visit with their new cousin for Tgiving and the boys were so good with her. Rinat took it very seriously as always, making sure she was safe and handing her toys and binkies if she was fussy. And our non-baby-loving Aibek actually warmed up to her too.  Maybe it’s because his big bro is such a good role model.  One night we were eating dinner after putting the kids down and he came out of his room to tell us, “Ann!  Ann!  Da baby cryin'!” and seemed very concerned.  I love that he’s looking out for his sweet baby cousin already and I hope they both continue to do so for her lifetime.    

And our little boys are just trucking along living their little boy lives.  Bek says thing daily that I just want to bottle up and keep with me forever.  He tells me all the time, “You my best mommy.  Mine lub you.”  And he constantly tells us that he missed us- whether it’s because Peter was out of town, or Bek was at school, or he was just sleeping.  I love it.  When we have pasta, the boys have dubbed parmesan to be either ‘rain’ or ‘snow’ cheese depending in the grater that I use.  Just for the record- if given a choice Bek always wants snow cheese.  Always.  And he’s very enthusiastic about it.  They make even the everyday things so much fun.   

And then there’s my big grown-up boy Rinat.  He wants to grow his hair out like the guy on his favorite show, Kickin’ It, and I sort of love the idea of him having it all shaggy.  So I told him that as long as he takes good care of it- keeps it clean and brushed- that he can grow it.  I don’t have a lot of faith that he will but we’ll see. 

Rin has started making breakfast a lot.  Complete with signs pointing us in the right direction and the name of the restaurant (Waffle House- guess what’s on the menu?) and menus and all of it.  We come downstairs and he has an entire buffet set out with plates, utensils, cups, drinks, and different food options.  Everything from fruit to waffles to cereal to milk and juice.  I love the entrepreneurial spirit that he has in him.  Have I mentioned he has also had stands selling the following- cookies (stolen from our pantry), paper airplanes, interesting rocks, golf balls (stolen from the garage), and a variety of other things.  

My big boy has also finally lost his first tooth too.  OK, so “lost” maybe isn’t the most accurate.  He had it pulled is how it came out but it came out nonetheless.  And I was informed by the dentist while it was being done that having it pulled means the Tooth Fairy brings twice as much money.  I think TF (or the dentist should have given a little advance notice) should have planned ahead a little bit better but I’m sure she has a few extra bills in her Tooth Fairy purse.  Or maybe Mister Tooth Fairy can stop by the ATM on the way home.  In any case, our big boy was super excited to find a $10 bill under his pillow in the morning and a toothless baby was excited to get a tooth.  Maybe it went to AG- who knows.   

Fall is my favorite time of year.  The leaves crunch underfoot and pool at the bottom of the slide and the world slows down and hunkers in for the winter.  It’s when the air gets crisp and Rin tells me he’s a dragon as he blows steam out of his mouth in the morning.  I just love the feeling of it.  I love the cozy days to come when we all gather around the fire and spend more time together in the same room. 

One of those cozy things I did this month was make some steaming hot lagman.  It’s so weird to have such strong emotions about a place that I only spent a few months in but there really is something about Kaz that feels like home to me.  Maybe it’s because it is where we actually turned our family into a family instead of just me and Peter.  In any case, I have very fond memories to eating lagman in Astana a lot- both the stew and the fried kind- across town from our apartment at the place by the highway.  And it is what we ate in Karaganda on the day we met Bek.  I remember I didn’t eat very much that day because I was so nervous but within that bowl of noodles are some wonderful memories. 

And this month we had the opportunity to show off our gorgeous kids. Not just here on this blog but on a real bonafide Kazakhstan news website. There were some people doing an article about outcomes of US adoption to show the people of Kaz that we are not awful people but rather that their little citizens have a good life and that they are thriving.  They came to our house and interviewed us for four hours and took photos of our boys.  I was nervous that we would come across wrong or that they would write unflattering things about us (don’t know why, there’s no reason they would, but I was still nervous) but when the article came out it was so wonderful.  It was great to read about the other families and hear their stories.  It was great to read in the comment section from people in Kaz that they (mostly) thought it was good that we had adopted their Kaz kids and were glad they are doing well.  I hope that any parents who had to place their children in baby homes were able to read it and find a little peace knowing that perhaps their children were in a loving family now.  And I especially hope my kids’ parents were among them.  I hope it with all my heart because although we have never had the chance to meet them, they mean the world to us. 

http://www.voxpopuli.kz/en/post/1601/kazakhs-adopted-by-americans

Love to all, -m

Oct 2013- Babies, Halloween and God

Hi all,

To start our October, we went down to hang out for a bit with Auntie Ann and new cousin AG. Now, anyone who knows me well know that I am not really a brand new baby person (They scare me with their floppy heads!) but Rin?  He’s a whole different story.  He just adores them and is constantly telling strangers that they have cute babies.  I just love that in him.  So of course my sweet boy just oooh-ed and aaah-ed over his new cousin during lunch.  She was asleep pretty much the entire time (as all good babies should be so moms get to eat) but every time she would move even the tiniest bit to take a deep breath or kick her little foot, he would say, “Aww, look Mom.  Isn’t she so cute!?!”  Bek was a bit indifferent (it’s tough sharing the spotlight) but I know he will love having a cousin close-ish in age to play with at family gatherings.  And boy is that little girl cute.  Even with my weird newborn aversion, I think she’s adorable.  Good luck, Ann, with this amazing, frustrating, heart wrenching, and exhilarating thing that is motherhood.  There will be days when all you can do is focus on getting to the end of it, putting your head on the pillow and shutting your eyes but those will be tempered by the perfect moments- the sunlight shining on her curls, the sound of her laughter heard from the other room, the look of pride on her face when she gets herself dressed for the first time.  It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before.  Cherish those moments and they will get you through the hard ones.  I promise. 

Our little visit with the new one brought all sorts of baby questions in our house from Rin. “What did I look like when I was born? Was I all bloody and gross?” and discussions about how some babies are adopted and some stay with the people they grew in (“That’s so weird, Mom”) And Aibek talking about “I from Kazatan.  Dat in Azuh” (Asia). My love Azuh.”  We are getting lots of talking out of our youngest these days actually.  Some of it is wonderful to hear like when he says “My lub you Mama.  You nice.  You my best mommy.  My miss you (when I get him from school, or when he wakes up in the morning).”  And sometimes not so wonderful- like when I tell him to put his shoes on and he loses his marbles, throws them across the room and yells “Never. Never ever again!  You fired from dis house!”  But really what can I do but laugh at his adorable version of a meltdown.  It’s funny. 

But the tradeoff with Bek’s meltdowns is that big brother is having fewer and fewer of them as he begins to mature.  Maybe it’s that we are keeping him so busy with after school classes like the clay class at Glen Echo where he makes dragons and other mythical beasts, the MSA street hockey and Mad Science he is doing at school, or the flag football on the weekends.  I swear he is just happier the more he has to do and the more he gets to hang out with his friends.  And they think he’s pretty great too.  I love when we are walking to the park and I hear in the distance, " Hey guys! Rinats here!"  It’s such a good feeling to know my child is liked. And by good kids with nice parents no less.   Rin informed me recently that his friend E is basically like a brother to him.  “I could put him on my family tree, Mom.”  I hated to inform him that he’s not an actual brother so he would not go on a family tree.  Rinat thought for a second and said “Well he could go on my friendtree then.”  I like the idea of a friend tree.  I feel like my friend tree just keeps right on growing new branches.  Every time we move to a new place or have a new adventure, there are a few more leaves that sprout.  I’m happy to report that our friend tree is pretty lush these days. 

This big boy of ours is getting truly big these days.  He has a loose tooth that is still going strong a month later.  Will it ever fall out?  When he first realized it was loose, he completely freaked out and started screaming and running upstairs to have me look at it and tell him it was OK.  I thought that something was on fire the way he screamed. We had talked many times about when his teeth might start falling out, but I think he was still afraid that maybe he was falling apart when it actually happened.  He’s still pulled between being a little boy and a big one these days.

And let’s talk about Halloween.  This place is insane.  I mean, it’s like a street party going on with the sheer number of kids around here.  And the thing is- they are all nice.  Like, really nice.  They all say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, wait their turn, and tell me they love my costume (we were superheroes this year).  There are some good kids around here.  The kind that I want my kids to be when they are older.  On Halloween, all the families meet up and start out at the Great Pumpkin in the triangle who hands out candy.  The neighbors all have decorations, flashing lights, music, a million blowup animals, and there was even a movie playing in the neighbors yard on a giant movie screen.  I love this place.  This is how Halloween SHOULD be. 

I always hoped that I had the kind of kids who behaved when I was watching them and even when I was not. I love to try and be sneaky and watch how my children treat people when they think I’m not there.  The other day, Rinat, two friends, and Bek were playing soccer in the backyard while I watched from inside.  One of the friends knocked Bek over as they ran past and he fell and started to cry.  They continued to play so I went to get my shoes to go out and make sure he was not hurt but by the time I got back to the backdoor, I saw that Rinat was hugging him and asking if he was alright.  Once Bek stopped crying, Rin helped him stand back up and got him his own ball.  It’s times like these that I know that the fact that Rin feels things strongly is a good thing because he has such a fierce love of his little brother.  It makes me so happy to know that he adores him and is there for him when I am not.  He’s such a good brother.  Just as Bek is to him. 

Rin asked me to hang out with him and talk while he took a bath and I said no because I just was ready to be done for the day.  In this nonstop job of motherhood you have to take the breaks when you can get them.  But… then I thought to myself that this might be the last time he asks and I just couldn't pass it up.  So I hung out in there with him and it reminded me so much of when he was just a tiny little boy.  We used to have so much fun in the bath playing with toys with nothing to distract us from each other.  Nowadays it’s hard to get his attention with all of the kids running in an out of our house to play, after school activities, birthdays and playdates on the weekends.  I want to make time for just us because I really truly do enjoy being with him at a time and place that we can focus just on each other.  I think it is so important.  My sweet oldest has been so sweet lately- holding my hand and talking to me when we’re walking places- and I am not sure where it's coming from but I like it.  He is finally not in such a hurry to get away from me and prove how grown up he is and is instead happy to talk to me and tell about what is going on in his life.  It's good and we've had some good talks about kids in his class and making good moral decisions.  And we’ve just had fun chatting about what he’s into these days- what the best Beyblade is and his favorite character on Kickin’ It.  I just love to know what’s going on in his head. He is such a deep thinker and I honestly do love to know how his brain works and what he thinks.  Let me give you an example…

We were out grocery shopping and picking up dry-cleaning and going to the beer store and whatnot one day and I had my kids in tow.  We were chitchatting along the way and, as always, my boys were full of questions.  They wanted to know what is for dinner and why some people are good at soccer while some aren’t and why people get named what they do and why people drink beer when it’s so gross and why do giraffes have long necks and a million other little questions that popped in their little curious heads.  Spurred, I think, by the new baby in our family, Rin asked, “So mom, after people go to heaven do they get reborn into a different person?” 

And I answer, “Well Hon, different people think different things about that.” I paused and then asked, “What do you think?” 

Without thinking (which makes me think he'd already been pondering this) he answered, “I think that when everyone in the whole world goes to heaven they all come together to make God.” 

And I literally stopped in my tracks. 

I stopped in the middle of the parking lot with a child on each hand and dry cleaning slung over one arm to ponder the deep thinking that went into that statement. 

*Everyone who dies comes together to make God.* 

It’s unbelievably profound. 

I mean, stop and think about it.  He’s like the wise man on the mountain or something.  I know some people think that kids are asking questions to get the answers but I don’t think that’s always true.  I think part of my job as a mom is to get them to wonder about things and to figure out the answers for themselves and let them be the problem solvers and the answer-givers in the world.  I want them to ask questions and think on it and I am so glad that instead of just telling him what he should think that I asked him to think about that one.   

And I like that he's thinking and trying to decide what he believes in rather than just going along with what we, his parents, think.  To be honest, I don’t know that I have ever really put that amount of thought into it.  When I was younger, I just sort of went along with what my parents told me was right and what the people at church taught me was right even though I wasn’t really sure I believed it.  I just thought that since everyone else did that I should too.  What can I say?  I was a follower.  But now this amazing little boy of mine- this leader- has me thinking.  What DO I believe?  I guess I better start figuring it out.  He’s keeping my on my toes, this one…

Love to all, -m   

September 2014- Ted and Texas

Hi all,

To start the month, Ted and family came in town for Liz’s sis’s wedding and they stayed with us which was tons of fun.  The boys made a big fort to sleep in in the basement and they were really excited to have a four day sleepover with their cousin. 

And we had fun just hanging out.  We went to the park, hung out at the house, and they just generally ran around like a bunch of maniacs.  On Sunday, we celebrated Oscar’s 3^rd birthday and all of Liz’s family who was in town came over to spend time and it was great.  It was really nice to be able to meet them all since not only have I known Liz for 20 years but we have traveled together to India, Thailand, Cambodia, and Turkey together.  Traveling just makes you get to know people in a way that you never would just seeing each other at work or going out to dinner.  Since she’s so much like a sister, I might as well meet her (and my by-proxy) parents. 

And when Ted/Liz/Osk left, it was sad.  Bek had fallen asleep in the car on the way to the airport and didn’t wake up until we were home and his first words when he woke were “Where everybody go?”  When I told him that they had to get on their plane and fly home he responded “My miss dem.  My luh dem.”  I feel the same way sweet boy.  I sure wish they were closer.  But the good news is that we will see them soon in Texas. 

Then it was the first days of school and getting back into the swing of things. It was hard to fill the after school hours before after school activities started. I always thought I would be a parent who didn’t over-schedule the kids and they could pick one thing to do and spend the rest of the time just hanging out. What I didn't take into account is that my kids (well, Rin) might actually want to be scheduled out the wazoo. I finally realized that while I am happier when I can just wake up and figure out what I want to do today, he thrives on action and social situations and wakes up each morning wondering what he is going to get to do and who he will get to see. Who knew this little man would end up in my life?  But I think we’ve I think we might have found something that Rin could really get into- clay class.  He went for the first time yesterday and was just incredibly excited about it.  It is all about dragons and mythical beasts and he gets to do things with his hands.  Right up his alley.   

I love this neighborhood where all the kids exit their houses all at the same time in the morning to walk to school and there are hordes of them heading off.  I overheard this morning Bek telling our across the street neighbor (girl, age 9), “My like you necklace.”  And sweet girl that she is, she responded, “Oh do you?  Well, I can make one just like for you after school today and then we can match.”  What is it about people who are nice to your kids- I would do anything for them just because they bring a little joy to the little boys that I love?  It just melts my heart when people are nice to them.  I feel so fortunate that my kids are so loved.  There are constant knocks on our door (actually shouts through the mail slot most often) from kids who want to play with one or both of them.  Sometimes it’s hard to fight them off when we have another obligation but it’s so nice to know that other kids enjoy being around them.  Because really, I don’t care if my kids are particularly successful in the work world, I just want them to be happy.  Don’t get me wrong- money helps make life easier- but really the most important thing to me is being happy with what and who you have in your life and being truly appreciative of it.  And we are.   

Peter, the sweet man that he is, takes the kids to school most mornings.  It is a godsend as I am too busy making breakfast, serving breakfast, cleaning up breakfast, vacuuming breakfast off the floor, making lunches, making snacks, brushing teeth and hair, helping Bek with going potty and getting dressed, making sure they all have notes about after school activities, making sure they have their sports stuff for after school, making sure they have fruit for Fruity Tuesday… to actually get out the door on time the days that he can’t.  My absolute favorite part of my morning when he takes them is watching those cute boys (all 3 of them) walk off to start their days.  The little guys have their backpacks on, their hair freshly combed and just look so darn cute.  After a quick hug for me, they head off down the sidewalk and there’s usually some “I’m so excited about PE today” or whatever Rin has going on that day or a “Daddy, when my come home my doing hockey!” or whatever it is Bek is excited about that day.  And then they walk their merry way down the sidewalk and I watch my sweet husband and excellent daddy get them safely strapped into the car and off they go.  There’s just something that happens between the front door and them driving away that gets me. 

I sometimes can’t believe that they have a life that takes them away from where I am all day long.  But it’s good.  Because when I get them from school, I get the rundown on their days.  Whether it’s that Rin got a WAVE sticker (showing good moral character) or that he got on yellow today (not so good).  Bek greets me with a running hug and almost always has a picture he’s made for me “Dat me, dat you, dat RahRah, dat Daddy” he explains as he shows it to me.  I just love it. 

And as we walk home Rin keeps trying to walk ahead of me and tell me he’s “Pretending to be a 4^th grader who doesn’t have to walk with his parents.”  It happens constantly as this little boy of ours tries to exert his independence.  But one day this show he put on was then followed by him walking down the middle of the street as a car came up behind him and scared the bejesus out of him.  Yup, he’s still a 1^st grader.  And yes he’ll be walking with me for the foreseeable future despite his protests.  That testing limits sure is annoying but I know it’s what’s supposed to happen so I try not to let it get to me too often.  

And then one night Carson came in town.  Remember her?  The most awesome friend in the world who literally flew around the world to help bring my baby home?  Yup, she brought her daughter in town and we got together to hang out.  I love that our group of girls is still going strong 22 years after we met each other and 18 years after we scattered to the winds.  And I love that our kids know each other even though we don’t get together often what with all the demands of our busy lives and kids and work and family crises.  All I’m going to say about Carson’s visit was that we had one crazy night.  At the Mayflower.  There were things that had to be put back in their rightful places.  Nuff said.  But it was so so good to see her and I hope it doesn’t take another trip to KStan to get together again.  

And we ended the month with our trip to Texas for Dad's service. We did it up Tejas style with Dickey’s BBQ for lunch at a gas station on the way from the airport to Hawkins, Shiner beer and chicken fried steak for dinner and pecan pie for dessert. Oh yeah.  The tastes of my youth.  All that was missing was some good TexMex.  What I didn’t remember however was that there are about a million donut shops in small town Texas- literally one every mile. It sort of blew my mind as we drove along.  Is that new?  Or do I just not remember?  It has been a while since I've been there.  We didn’t stop at any though.  Rinat’s brain might explode from the sugar content.  I also didn't get my fix of pralines or kolaches but maybe Santa will bring me some for Christmas (hint hint Peter). 

The purpose of this trip was of course to say goodbye to our father but we figured that since both of my brothers and I were going to be there, then we might as well bring the kids too so all of the cousins could be in the same place at the same time.  And it turned a potentially really difficult  trip into- dare I say it- tons of fun.  We rented a house together at Lake Hawkins and the kids played, went fishing, dug in the sand, swam, had races, picnic-ed, and just enjoyed each other’s company.  

The memorial at the cemetery was nice and low key. People said some very nice things about him and it was good to be able to send him off with some loving words (Did I speak?  No, of course not.  I get nervous speaking in front of more than one person.  Even considering it almost gave me a nervous breakdown.).  Dad worked very hard to make the world a better and happier place.  I would like to think that as we remembered he that he was looking down at his grandchildren, children, siblings and friends and was happy to give us a reason to spend the weekend together on his home soil. It’s been too long since we’ve all been together in this place with these people and I think it was a lovely sendoff for him.

He will be missed.     

 After the service, there was a reception and tables full of Texas food.  All sorts of potluck items I haven’t eaten in probably 20 years.  So good!  Then we all went over to Uncle Kim’s house to hang out afterward and swam and had food round #2.  I just have to say that I love this part of my family. They are just really good people- not a fake one in the bunch.  And although I hate the reason that we got together, I am really happy that there WAS a reason because it was so good to see all of my aunts and uncles and cousins.  I just love them and I had forgotten how much they felt like home and my childhood.  I knew my freshman year of college that I wanted to live on the East Coast but what I didn’t take into account was how far it would be from my Texas home once I had kids and a plethora of obligations that make it so hard to get away.  So I’ll be looking for an excuse to come back sometime.  Family reunion anyone?       

Our cousin Stacey was there among lots of other people that I wish I could see more often and we reminisced about all the plays we would put on and fun we had at the park and playing Capture the Flag during holidays spent together.  It brought back lots of memories and made me want to give those cousin experiences to my kids.  So be forewarned Walt and Ted that I am going to insist that your children entertain us from now on when we get together.  There shall be theatre and costumes and bad Saturday Night Live skits galore.  Prepare yourself.  Maybe at the beach this summer, Walt?          

And while we were in Texas, our adorable new niece arrived via Auntie Ann.  More on that next month when we meet her.  The circle of life, people, the circle of life…

Love to all, -m