JCICS Call to Action- We are the Truth

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard people- strangers and friends alike- tell me “Rinat is so lucky that you adopted him.” And I do agree (we’re pretty darn fantastic) but I never really know what to say in return. “No, we’re the lucky ones” doesn’t really seem to cover it. We were two people yearning for a child to love, who would make us a family, and the Republic of Kazakhstan put their faith in us and allowed us to be parents to Rinat. They trusted that we would take good care of him, raise him as a good and responsible person and, most of all, that we would love him with our whole hearts. And we feel so unbelievably honored that they did. I feel lucky to kiss away his tears when he wakes up crying from a nightmare. I feel lucky to hold his soft little hand in mine as we walk to school in the morning. And I feel lucky that, most of all, he has taught me what it is to be a mother. He is not perfect by any means but every single second of every single day I am so happy that he came into our lives. He is my life and my soul.

As a part of Kazakhstan adoption, we are required to send in yearly reports that tell about Rinat’s life with us. My friends always ask if it makes me mad that I have to jump through all these hoops just to have a child. But the answer, honestly, is no. In truth, I see it as a chance to brag about how well he’s doing. We have this smart, energetic, stubborn, loving, curious little boy in our family because they had faith in us and we owe them some reassurance. It is my chance to tell them, “Yes, you were right to trust us. He has a good life and he is happy.”

Sadly, there is now someone out there who has cast a shadow of doubt in the minds of people the world over. Someone did not take her responsibility as mother seriously and has made governments question whether US adoptive parents are capable. I am here to tell you that she does NOT represent American adoptive parents as a whole. She is not the norm, but rather a very rare aberration. In the US we are lucky. There are many many resources available to us should we have trouble shouldering any burden that we are carrying. All we have to do is ask. This woman did not do this and in my eyes, and the eyes of everyone I know, she is NOT a mother. A mother would never give up. A mother would never give her child away because he was not what she had in mind. She is heartless and no child deserves what she has done no matter how bad his behavior. It is a shame that she didn’t feel up to being a parent. It is a shame for all of those potential parents out there who would give loving and happy homes to a child and most of all it is sad for all those children who may never know a family because of her.

I remember the judge at Rinat’s court hearing asking “Do you think it will be hard to raise this child?” I responded that yes, I think it absolutely will be hard to raise him. But we are so lucky to be able to.

Love to all
-MAREN

Que Sera, Sera

Hi all-  Rinat has a relatively new obsession that I don’t think is shared by most other 3 year olds and it’s slightly bizarre. He is obsessed with dead people- the US presidents in particular. I know, random right? Here’s how it started: we were down at Peter’s brother’s house in Georgetown and Rinat asked who the man was in the painting over the fireplace. I explained that his name was George Washington and he was the president a long time ago like Barack is the president now. Noticing the crack in the paint he asked “He has a crack in his face, does that mean he’s really old?” “Well, he actually died a long time ago and he was a really nice man who did good things so people built a memorial to remember him by and that is the tall pointy building downtown.” This led to much discussion of the next several days about if he had a mommy and a daddy, if he ever used to be a boy, if he liked to play with toys when he was little, if he had a house, if he liked to play soccer, and on and on and on. Usually the questions would come out of nowhere as he was playing with trains, eating lunch, or reading a book. Then one day he was holding some coins to ‘pay’ at the grocery store and he noticed that there was good old George on one of them. “Mommy, dat George Washington on dis money!” Then he noticed that there were other men on the other coins and wanted to know all about them as well. The same questions were answered- Did ‘Hammerhead’ Lincoln have a mommy and a daddy? Is he really old? Did he have a baby brother? Did he ever ride on a train? And what about Roosevelt?- and I answered every one of them. Then I ran out of answers and dug around in my teaching books and found some kid friendly books about the presidents and we read all about them and went on the Internet and found photos of all of them. And then we decided to go downtown and visit the memorials and he wanted to know every little thing about them. I think it was in the process of looking for a bathroom that we went underneath the Lincoln Memorial and saw the exhibit about the Walk on Washington and Martin Luther King. So, books were bought, many more questions were asked- Did he like to go to his school? Why couldn’t he ride at the front of the bus? Why people not like him?- and answered. And as we were reading one of the MLK books, he noticed a photo on the wall in one of the illustrations and asked who it was. “Well, that is a very nice man named Ghandi.” “What did he do nice? Why didn’t he want to eat? Why did he live in India?...” And now we are off again on another famous person. Is it ever going to stop? Oh, and Rinat tells me that when he dies and they bury him, they will be building a memorial on top of him. Who knows? Maybe he’s right. He is most certainly devouring information rapidly. Sometimes I feel like I just can’t do enough. I give him my time, attention, and patience and sometimes I feel like it’s just not quite enough. That someone more patient, more giving could tell him absolutely everything he ever wanted to know. But then I have to remind myself that I am doing the best I can and that he is, after all, only 3 and he has a lifetime of learning ahead of him.  BTW- That Lego masterpiece above is a recreation of MLK giving his 'I have a dream' speech complete with the Lincoln statue, columns in front, microphones, and plenty of audience members.  Yup, he came up with it all on his own. 

And in that vein of complete and utter exhaustion (did I mention that he is also going through what I will call a ‘difficult’ phase?) Peter and I went on a proper vacation. Yup, we made reservations, packed up, dropped Rinat off with the grandparents, and 36 hours after booking it, hopped a plane and headed down to the sun, sand, palm trees, and Rum Runners of the Dominican Republic (“Mommy you know the ‘Minican ‘Pubbik right next to Haiti where the earth cracked?” “Um, no honey I didn’t know that actually”). We read, we lazed around, we took walks, and we missed Rinat- but just a little bit. It was fantastic and much much needed. The second day we were there, Peter said “I think we should do this once a year. It’s a necessity.” So there is our very hopeful resolution. Sometimes it’s just too easy to get caught up in the everyday and forget that we need some time to regroup and become better, happier people and better parents in the process so we are, especially now in light of the impending new addition in our family, going to try very hard to remember to pay attention to ourselves once in a while.

And, speaking of the new addition to our family, our dossier is officially logged into the system in Kaz! YAY! My agency didn’t give me timeframe but from what I can tell from other peoples’ experiences, it seems to be about 1-6 months before we'll be on the way. And our caseworker said it's likely we'll be assigned to the Akmola region which means it could be Astana or some other cities within a few hours of there. Very exciting! We just found this out earlier this week and I am already freaking out (in a good way!). So when I start to get all worked up, I just sing one of Rin’s songs from school- “Que sera, sera. Whatever will be, will be. The future’s not ours to see. Que sera, sera” and try to focus on right now instead of worrying about what the future holds.

And we definitely are having fun here in the present. Mom came in town for a visit over Easter and then went down to meet Rinat’s new cousin. The time she was here flew by and was so fun! Rinat was on Spring Break so there were trips to the dinosaur museum, the park, picnic with the cousins, cherry blossoms, and lots and lots of Easter eggs full of candy. I can’t believe that the Easter Bunny will be leaving eggs for another person next year. Yay!
And, I hate to do it, but I am going to have to stop allowing anonymous comments. Someone keeps leaving spam comments and it’s aggravating to have to go back and delete them. So now, you can read all you want but if you want to leave a comment, you just need to open an account (it’s free and easy) and comment to your hearts content.
I hope you are all enjoying Spring! I know we sure are. Much love, -m

A Party and Weekend of Peace

Hi Everyone!  So we finally got around to having Rinat’s 3rd birthday party. It was just about 2 months past his actual birthday but he didn’t really seem to care. We celebrated it first at school where they had a whole lesson on how the earth had gone around the sun 3 times since Rinat was born and we sang a song while he carried the globe and walked around the sun on the floor. Then I showed photos of him and we had some cinnamon apple cake for the class. Rinat was so darn cute. He gets this little smile on his face like he’s a little bit embarrassed and a little bit excited and a little bit proud- he’s not sure which to be more. I loved that Peter and I got to go to his school because we finally got to meet all of those kids that he talks about every day when he I pick him up. And I learned something new about my little Romeo too. He, at age 3, is already girl crazy. Miss B told me that he has a little girlfriend who he absolutely adores and he gets really upset if someone sits next to her on the rug or if she sits with someone else at snack time. And once I met her, I had to second his choice in playmates- she is totally adorable. After his teacher told me, I recalled that one time he came home sad from school and told me “X no want to sit next to me today. She say she sit next to me tomorrow” with the saddest puppy dog eyes on his face and his sweet head hanging down so far that his chin was touching his chest. It’s like his little world had ended- he barely even ate lunch that day. Oh what fun his teenage years are going to be- heartbreak city, just like it Daddy (or so I’ve heard). It was so much fun to see him in his classroom.

And then the official party was at the National Building Museum last week. How gorgeous is that place? There was a ton of blue icing consumed and then it was time to have playtime in the Construction Zone room. There truly is nothing that Rinat likes better than to be a ‘working man’ so this party was definitely up his alley.

And he really loved that he had friends both from school (yes, his girlfriend came) and from outside school (aka my friends’ kids) and Granddaddy and Nana, Uncle MattMatt, Auntie Ann, and they were all there just for him. He felt like it was a very big deal- which it was- and I am so glad that they all could come and celebrate with us.

Then the next day, we took GDaddy and Nana downtown to visit his friend Hammerhead Lincoln. He had a great time showing off his city and all that it has to offer.   

And this weekend…well… this weekend, I am sitting in my nice quiet house all by myself. I slept in for probably the first time in about 3 years and did whatever I felt like all weekend long. How did I manage that, you ask? Well, my darling husband has taken off for the entire weekend with Rinat and I am on my own. It has been fantastic but I have to admit that I’ve been just a little bit lost too. I have grown so used to the chaos that is life with a preschooler that I just keep thinking that something is missing or there is something that I forgot to do. I keep waiting for them to walk home from the park- his little face at the door yelling “Mama!! Mama!!  Open the door!  We home!” But, no, I am not forgetting something important. I am just forgetting about my responsibilities for a short while.

All will be back to normal tomorrow. And this may be my last chance for a while because once baby #2 comes, it’s back to day and night duty again for a couple years. I am looking forward to it, but I am also trying to soak up every second of our life as it is now since I know it will never be this simple again. Just as Rinat has made our lives more stressful, louder, chaotic, expensive, messy, and crazy, the new little one will just multiply what is already the insanity of our lives. And I know that just as Rinat has, he/she too will fill out hearts with more love than we thought possible. And now I am off to enjoy my last few hours of peace, there will be a sweet little face banging on the door soon yelling “Mama!! I home!!” Love to all -m

*SnowMageddon… SnowPocalypse… SnOhMyGod

Hi Everyone! So what do you do when you are stuck in the house with a 3 year old for almost 2 weeks with close to 4 feet of snow and the snowplows aren’t even trying anymore? Well, let’s see… you clean out every closet and have a fashion show trying to figure out what to give to GoodWill, cook everything you have in the fridge in case the power goes out (again), watch hours of YouTube videos of jellyfish and octopi, play the WowWowWubbzy Make a Robot Game at least 400 times, develop and appreciation of for Jazz music (Rin’s new fave), make use of every tub of Playdoh and every grain of Moon Sand, take at least 2 baths a day, drink 10 tons of hot chocolate (or really just eat all the marshmallows), order new cute boots for myself off the internet, use up every single piece of railroad to make the ultimate train track, line up every car that we own in one long line and see if it will reach all the way into the other room, eat an entire bag of Milano cookies by myself, and finally just give up and say “OK, you go upstairs and watch Finding Nemo while I stay down here and watch a dumb made for TV movie” just so we don’t kill each other. Yup, I gave in to the power of the idiot box for a little peace and quiet. I have to say though, that we have a pretty amazing little trooper here. He has been entertaining himself pretty well. It’s me, however, who is starved for some companionship. Peter was gone for a week of the snowstorm and all I wanted was a friendly voice to tell me that there is an end to this before I started losing my mind. There was the possibility of going outside to play but it never lasted long when it was blowing snow at 40 miles an hour and up to sweet little Rin’s waist so he couldn’t actually walk out there.

One of the days he decided that he absolutely HAD to go outside and I was so exasperated that I told him that he could go if he got himself dressed and then I walked upstairs to recompose myself. A few minutes later I heard him say “I all ready Mama!” and looked down the stairs thinking he may have put on his gloves or shoes and was claiming to be ready. Well, I never would have imagined that he would actually get it all on by himself - bibs, puffy coat, ski coat, snow boots, hat, and gloves. He had every single thing on the he needed to go outside. It’s crazy what you learn about your child when you are stuck with them for that long. He’s a determined little bugger. I tried to see this time with him as a flash forward as to how it will be in Kaz and it’s taught me that I think it will be a challenge and we will surely get sick of each other but that we will have a good time anyway because there was most definitely more laughing than fighting going on during the whole time. And, being as uncoordinated as I am, once the snow finally stopped I went out to shovel and ended up bashing myself in the face with the handle and putting my tooth through the inside of my lip and out the other side. My first thought as blood was running done my chin and dripping onto the snow was ‘oh my gosh, what if I need stitches? My car’s under 3 feet of snow!’ I was apparently cursing quite a bit because I realized I could hear Rinat’s little voice telling me ‘dat not a very nice word’. Oh well, sometimes it’s warranted I think. It turned out to be fine but I do look a bit like Mike Tyson at the moment. And sweet Rin kept asking if he could give me hugs and kisses and bringing me Blue Bunny to make me feel better. There are some times when I am with him that I am absolutely certain that I have done something right.

And I do have some news on the adoption front. We got our last piece of paper in our little hands right as the snowstorm hit and got it notarized literally when the notary was getting to walk out the door to go home as the snow began to fall. We then had to wait another week for the government to open back up before I could get it apostilled downtown. And, in typical adoption fashion, it wasn’t easy. A trip that should have taken 2 hours max took us almost 6. A derailed train, a shuttle bus that took and hour to go half a mile due to the snow, another train and we finally got home with all our stuff. BUT we got it done and now I am just waiting for Peter to get home to drive me to the shipping place to send in our big, fat packet of papers to the agency (I still haven’t dug my car out of the snow and now ice). And then it’s just a waiting game (well, that and we have to get our immigration stuff renewed, get Rin a US passport, buy gifts for everyone in Kaz…) But you all have to promise not to ask every day if we have heard anything because, believe me, you will know it when we do because I will be shouting it from the rooftops. Happy late Valentines Day! -m

3? Really?

Hi everyone! 

I can’t believe he’s 3. I mean, truly, has it been that long? Is he really that big? He must be because he has all of a sudden grown out of all of his clothes and is telling me the beginning sounds of words (B and T in particular). The other day he came up with literally 13 different words that start with the ‘buh’ sound just by looking around the room (‘bottom’ was the one he was most proud of). But there are also so many ways that he is still my baby. The hugs and kisses that he gives are the best. When he crawls into bed in the morning he gives me Wake Up Kisses.  And when I open my eyes, he puts his cute little face close to mine and says in a quiet voice “I luff you, Mama”. I melt. They tell me he’s the kissing bandit at school too. At least they know he comes from a loving home.  And I had the best compliment from one of the other mothers yesterday. She told me that aside from her own son (who is completely absolutely adorable) he’s her favorite kid. I agree. He’s pretty sweet. And he still runs to me, arms open, every single day when I pick him up. Sometimes I wonder at what age he will no longer want to hold my hand as we walk around the ‘dinosaur museum’ and I watch his little eyes light up at each new thing and I try to savor every second while he still does. I think it’s going to make me a little bit sad (and I know him too) when it’s not just us anymore- when I have to tell him that I can’t hold his hand because my arms are full from carrying his little brother/sister. But I know that having a sibling for him will be completely worth it. But seriously, how am I going to afford Christmas next year? I just can’t help from buying him all the things he wants and more. This year we spent Christmas Eve at our house and had friends over for dinner which was absolutely wonderful. Then on Christmas morning we got up and opened gifts. His favorites were from Santa- he got the jackhammer he asked Santa for way back in August along with some tools and a ‘working man’ outfit. And he also got a Duplo fire station that he played with for hours and hours until it was time to get in the car to head to GigiMar’s. I would periodically hear hear him in the backseat talking to himself and saying “I so happy my jackhammer” as he held it the whole 4 hours.  And, yes, he got his own tractor. He rode it around their yard for days in the freezing cold while hauling his friends, Blue Bubby and Puppy, in the trailer. Then off to visit Grandaddy and Nana and play with trains (what is the deal with trains anyway? what’s so darn exciting?) for a couple days. And then back home. Since then it’s just been life as usual. No exciting news quite yet, just everyday stuff. And that’s what we’ve been up to. Stay warm! -m

Oh, and we singed up for Kazapalooza in June (but are secretly hoping to be in Kaz instead) and are looking forward to seeing all those Kaz cuties and their parents!

Winter Wonderland

   

Every little boy's dream- waking up to our city blanketed in white. At Christmas time no less. I have to admit, I was pretty excited myself.  So much that I went upstairs and got him out of bed to show him the first flakes as they began to come down on Friday night.  I think he had been waiting up for it.  So had I.  Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

Paperchase and Conferences

             For most people who adopt, everyone seems to agree that the hardest part is the wait. What to do during the wait, what will go wrong, what they need to get done before baby comes home. Not for me, though. For me, the hardest part is the paper chase- so much to do, so little time, so many aggravating barriers in the way. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can barely function knowing that there is something out there that needs to be done and I can’t do it yet because it’s in someone else’s hands. It’s not that we haven’t gotten a lot done- we have. As a matter of fact, we passed a big hurdle last week when we turned in our home study packet. There’s still a whole lot to do, but that was one big thing to get done. So here’s our checklist of what we have done:

FBI, other FBI, Police, CPS, DMV, Doctor, other Doctor, Pediatrician, Net Worth Statement, other Net Worth Statement, tax return, letter from Rin’s teacher, Marriage Certificates, typed up and printed out are all 13 letters and copies of our passports.
And what we still need to do:
Meet with our social worker at our new house on Saturday, get her report and some other things from her agency, get the bank letter now that I tracked down the girl who did it last time, take photos of the house (once we finish unpacking), wait for all the clearances to come through (FBI, other FBI, CPS, Police) and get everything notarized, certified, and apostilled in DC, MD, AZ, and VA once we have it all.

Shall I go on? What- you mean you don’t want to hear the blow by blow of our lives? OK I’ve got it out of my system now. I will tell you about my sweet boy instead. He is just so darn cute. The other day I asked him if he was going to teach his brother or sister how to do something (draw I think?) and he said “No. I teach about Kazatan (Kazakhstan). I tell how to say PakaPaka and Davedanna (das vidanya)” My little sweetie. And he keeps putting toys in the baby room and telling me he wants to share it with his baby brother or sister. And speaking of his sweetness, as Rinat came running down the sidewalk toward school the other day his teacher said “My favorite part of the day- when Rinat comes running into school” with a big smile on her face. And she and I talked and she was asking if I knew of the debate between nature vs nurture. She told me that she now thinks it more nurture because he is so happy and excited about the new house and is always positive and sweet and she noticed that every single day when I drop him off, I have a smile on my face and am so calm even in the midst of moving and the adoption stuff and it most definitely has rubbed off on him. It just filled my heart to know that other people see the happiness just emanating from him because that is, of course, the main goal of any parent- to raise a happy and healthy child. Seems like Peter and I are doing a pretty good job so far. Yay us! And at his teacher conference, they talked about how curious he is and what a fantastic vocabulary he has and what great manners. The only problem they had was that he does Kung Fu in class sometimes. A pretty good report I think. Other than that, we have just been trying to get all settled into our new digs and we have been to visit the grandparents for TGiving and up to NYC for a weekend and Rin has loved every second of it. I hope you are all having a great holiday season and enjoying all the fun to be had this time of year! Love -m