StanwardBound: February 2011

Hi All!

I think I have selective memory. Somehow in the last few years, I had forgotten just how messy babies are. And how exhausting. And how much stuff you need just to leave the house. And how, no matter what you do, sometimes they still cry. But having a new little one in the house is, of course, worth every second of work you put into them because you get back every bit of it in drooly smiles and sweet comfy snuggles.

It’s been four weeks now (four already?) and things are going well so far. Our little Aibek is a super easy baby in almost all respects. Literally the only issue we have been having with him are the blow-out diapers. And when I say blow out, I mean up the back almost to his shoulders, out the sides, and up and out the front. I have no idea what is going on with this little guy. Usually the morning one will occur about 5 minutes before I am supposed to walk out the door to take Rin to school. So it is off with the clothes, wipe off the majority of it, run his little bum under the bath faucet to get the little bits off that the wipes couldn’t, get him to stop screaming because I won’t let him play in the water, new diaper, new clothes, snowsuit, and out the door. A little chaotic but at least he doesn’t have the diaper issues that Rinat had.

So we went to the doctor about the boys both being a little off (Strep was going around Rin’s school) and told the doctor about the stomach issues that Aibek had been having. She ordered a bunch of tests on him at the lab but asked if there was any way I could go ahead and get the Giardia one done today (it was 4pm on a Friday). Thankfully Peter had gone with me to the doctor’s office to help out and so he took the boys home and I hopped in the car and floored it to the lab with one of Bek’s dirty diapers (triple bagged) in my hand. It was one of my all time most revolting experiences ever. I talked to the front desk lady and made it clear to her that the doctor wanted me to turn in the Giardia sample before they closed the office and could I please go ahead and get the container and fill it (and dispose of the nasty thing in my bag?). “Sure, you can fill it,” she said as she tapped her four inch, lighting bolt painted, rhinestone covered fingernails on the counter and handed me a bag with two little vials in it. “Instructions in here. Hope you have enough.” Clearly this woman had no idea of the magnitude of the issues we were facing at our house. She was not the best listener and when I asked her which vial to fill, without even looking up she mumbled something about the pink one and added “Bathroom’s out the door, down the hall,” and turned and walked out of the room. So off I went, poo-filled diaper in hand to find the bathroom. Which was nowhere to be found. So I went round and round the office building hallway until I found one. And, I might add, it was locked. I knocked and no one answered. I looked at the time- 4:43. “OK, I’ll wait a minute,” I thought. And I waited. And I knocked. And I waited. And I banged. And no one answered. So off I went in search of an alternative (again, holding a smelly diaper in a public place as people passed me by in their business suits and high heels wondering what that horrendous smell was) and after wandering for a minute, I found a handicap bathroom down another hallway, around another corner. And also locked. But this time someone answered my knock at least. So I waited until they were done and then walked in to see…a toilet and a pedestal sink. Hmm… OK, I have been carrying this diaper around with me for quite a while now and I just decide to get over myself so I put on the florescent purple plastic gloves that the bitchy nurse gave me, cop a squat, and start digging the nastiness out of my sweet son’s diaper with the teeny tiny little spork provided by the vial full of foul smelling liquid that I was required to put the poo into and shake it up. I had more than enough to fill it all the way to the red line as the directions said. Mission accomplished. I packed back up the nasty diaper but couldn’t quite make myself put it in their trash. I felt bad. It stank worse than anything coming out of my son should stink. So I stuffed it back in the three bags I had tied around it, put it in my bag and off I trotted back to the office, a smile of relief on my face that I got it back to her 5 minutes before they left for the weekend. “So do I just fill up the gray one and bring it back on Monday for the rest of the testing?” I asked the ornery nurse. “Uh, NO. You gotta fill that one up too. With the same batch as the pink one.” Groan, huff, and I made her promise not to lock the doors before I was back (and didn’t trust her when she reluctantly agreed). So back I went to the bathroom, back on with a new set of purple gloves, back out with the diaper, unwrap it. This time, however, I was having a much harder time getting the stuff out with the tiny spork as it had been mushed into the diaper in my rush to cram it back into the bag. So what would any desperate mother do in this situation? Yup, I pulled a plastic Take&Toss spoon out of my diaper bag and scraped that sucker clean. This time diaper went in the trash, as did the spoon, and I dropped it at the office right on time. Done. And she handed me the other 7 vials to fill over the weekend. Sigh. Having children requires relinquishing all dignity at the door.

But truly I can’t complain. He is an absolute dream. The only time he cries is when he has a reason to. There was one day in particular that gave me Rinat flashbacks (sorry Rin, but you were not exactly an easy baby). He cried for two hours in the morning rather than napping and then two hours in the afternoon rather than napping. I tried everything to make him stop and the only thing that worked was food. So at dinnertime, I sat there and fed him and fed him and fed him and fed him…for more than an hour. I’m not kidding. I think he clocked in at 1 hour 10 minutes. Any time he did his ‘more’ grunt, I fed him more. I had been feeding him only the amount that I thought his belly could hold without him barfing but I guess that just wasn’t enough. Who knew? So I fed him until I was afraid there might be intestinal damage and he was all smiles and happy once again. Lesson learned- feed him about 10 times the amount I think I should and he might barf but at least he doesn’t cry. I can deal with the barfing. The screaming? Not so much.

And, like with Rinat, I have been teaching him a little bit of sign language- just enough to make our lives easier. And after only a week, little man did the sign for ‘more’ unprompted. Yeah, it was brought on by cookies for breakfast but whatever works, right? ‘Milk’ came soon after. And ‘all done’ and ‘sleep’ are the latest. He gets confused sometimes but overall it makes our life easier and it makes him really happy to know that he can tell us something. He’s so proud.

I want to get this on record because I know it won’t last forever but Aibek and Rinat are playing together absolutely amazingly. It’s wonderful. They just roll around on the floor like puppies and laugh. Every time Aibek wakes up from nap, Rinat screams “Don’t get him yet! I wanna come too!” and we go and make faces at him and Rinat tickles him while I change his diaper. It’s sweet. At bath time, Rin wants to ‘scrub-a-dub him’ and for some reason, Aibek thinks it’s really funny when Rinat comes running and yells “BOO!” right in his face. Whatever floats their boat I guess. Rinat is so proud to show him off too. The first day that I brought him to school, he was so so excited. He asked “Will you bring him to school and put him on your hip like this?” and pantomimed it “and I can tell everyone what his name is?” It was really sweet. And everyone was very excited to see him finally home with us.

We haven’t had a million people come and visit like when we brought Rin home but we have had some visitors and it’s really interesting to see him with them. He is getting more and more active and vocal at home but the second we step outside or someone comes here he just freezes and stares. He’s not afraid really- he always wants new people to hold him and wants to see everything- but it’s just like he’s a little bit overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do. Deer in the headlights syndrome I guess. But it sure makes shopping easy. He just sits in the stroller and stares. It’s awesome.

There have been many wonderful moments on this journey to bring another child into our family- meeting him for the first time after resigning ourselves to going home empty handed, the first time he reached out his chubby little hands for me to pick him up, his little finger curled around mine as I fed him his bottle on the plane to Almaty- but the moments I have found that I love the most are those that are unremarkable except for the fact that they are mine. Hearing Peter read him books at night, watching my two boys in the bath as they climb over each other and laugh and laugh and laugh, his little head on my shoulder and hands tucked under when he’s sleepy, Rinat begging me to let him sleep on the floor in Bek’s room so he can tell him it’s OK when he cries at night. They are not anything unexpected except for the fact that I felt like at times it was never going to happen for us. But it finally did. And it is so worth all of the tears and headaches of the last few years. Unbelievably worth it. Each and every day I feel blessed to have these boys of mine. All three of them. I may not mention Peter as much at I do the two little ones but he is enmeshed in our lives like very few of my friends’ husbands are able to be. He is there for each and every important part of our lives, both the exciting (arriving home from Kaz) and the mundane (poo scraping). I don’t know how I would do it without him. I am so lucky to have the life that I do. It may not have been the life I planned but it is so much better than I could have hoped for.