StanwardBound

And I'm Done with Christmas (whew!)- the rest of the family, a couple of birthdays, long drives, and a game

2012-02-12T09:28:00.000-05:00

Hi all-

So after opening Christmas gifts at home, we drove down to spend time with family. Rinat was barely in the door from our trip when he asked, “So what did you get me?” Now I had practiced what to do when you open a gift that you don’t like or one that you have already but I had apparently neglected the lesson on asking for stuff. But GigiMar were happy to oblige at least. So there was more unwrapping (Bek’s starting to get the hang of it at this point) and more toys to play with. And that night a holiday party to attend.

And then the next day came and it was Rin’s 5^th birthday. He woke up before the sun that morning asking, “Am I five yet?” “Yes, Honey, you’re five.” And as I rolled back over to snooze a bit longer, I realized he was undressing and he asked, “Where are my size 5 clothes?” like he’d magically grown overnight. How did I not notice? And he also decided that, “I’m five and I can do anything I want now.” This apparently includes making his own snack of cookies and candy and crossing the street on his own. Um, NO buddy. Not gonna happen but good try. There was more family who arrived in town that day, more gifts (both Christmas AND Birthday of course), a fancy dinner, and a cake with candles to blow out.

The following day (yes, it keeps going), Nana came in town with auntC/uncleA and the cousins so there were yet MORE gifts and people showering our boys with love. And yet ANOTHER party at the house that night to celebrate Ann passing her NP boards (anyone hiring? She's good stuff!).

The next day was pretty quiet thank goodness because the one after that was now our sweet Bek’s BDay. Is anyone else exhausted just reading this? It’s making me tired just to write it. It started off with Rin wanting to know the exact status of his brother at 6 in the morning. “Mom, is Bek two yet?” “Yes Rin, Bek is two.” And then he turned to his adoring little bro and said, “Oh my gosh, Boo, you are two years old! You can talk now! Say Water, Boo!” to which Bek answered, “WaWa.” And he turned back to me and said, “Look Mommy, he can talk now!” Now, I don’t love being woken up at the ass crack of down but hearing that little interaction definitely makes it a little more bearable. This was the first birthday that we have spent with our sweet cuddly little Bek and it filled my heart to know that he finally had us to spend it with. No more of just the nannies at the baby house giving him a kiss or two on his special day. He was absolutely covered in kisses. And cake icing too. When I tell you that this boy knows cake, I mean he knows EXACTLY what to do with cake at this point. So he dove right on in when he had his birthday cake at lunch. And then we got in the car for a 6 hour drive…

We were on our way down to Atlanta for a UVa game. The trip down was pretty uneventful. But there was much excitement about the boys’ birthdays. I would hear these little conversations coming from the back seat about how big they were. One of them went like this:

Rin would say, “BooBoo! I’m so happy that you’re 2 now! Can you say ‘water’?

“WaWa”

“Can you say ‘pillow’?

“Mo” (that is ‘no’ for anyone who doesn’t know Bek)

“Can you say ‘restaurant’?

“Mo.”

“Can you say ‘dinosaur’?

“Mo”

‘computer’?

“Mo”

‘sippy cup’?

“Mo”

and on and on

..pause..

“OK. Can you say ‘no’?

“Mo”

“Very good Boo! You’re such a big boy!” as I laughed in the front seat. I know I must be doing something right when I hear my Rin being so patient and encouraging with his little brother. I’d like to think that he learned from my example but maybe that just my big head.

A stop at Cracker Barrel along the way made the drive a bit easier to take and before we knew it we were checking into the hotel at 11:29 at night. Have you ever tried to get a couple of super excited boys down to bed at almost midnight? Yeah, not an easy feat. But they went down eventually and the next day were just soooo excited to be there. We have been talking about taking Rin to the Hotlanta aquarium for years now and it did not disappoint. There were touch pools where Rin got to touch different kinds of rays (Bek, Mr. Doesn’t-want-his-hands-dirty was having none of it of course), a hammerhead shark, starfish and anemones and Amazonian rivers that flowed overhead. But the coolest thing by far for me was the ocean exhibit. There is a moving walkway that takes you under the most amazing tunnel of water ever. Now I’ve seen fish before, and rays, and sharks, and the whole deal but at the Atlanta aquarium they have not just one but a couple of huge whale sharks. They just glide slowly through the water above and around you and it is simply jaw dropping. I highly recommend it to anyone who finds themselves in downtown Atlanta. And both of the boys really enjoyed the dolphin show. It was a little too Disney/Vegas for me lots of flashing lights and spraying water but they loved it and that’s all that matters. Anything that keeps my little Bek making the sign for ‘more’ over and over again and puts a gigantic smile on Rinat’s face is a winner in my book.

That night was the big game and the boys could not have been any more pumped up for it. And by boys, I mean Rinat and Peter of course. Bek just sort of went with the flow as always looking around totally confused but just happy to be there. When bother and daddy started pumping their fists and yelling, he followed right along. UVa lost but Rin could have cared less. He spent half of the game yelling for the other team anyway- just for kicks.

We got to our hotel room at 11:45 at night so we thought “what the hell,” got the kids in their pj’s and watched the ball drop in Times Square. I can’t believe that they made it that long. It was probably 12:30 in the morning by the time we got them down but really they were great. And if you have a 10&1/2 hour drive coming up the next day, I highly recommend letting your kids stay up past midnight because then they spend a large amount of time sleeping in the car the next day. Even when the trip turns out to be 12 hours due to a record number of bathroom stops.

And here we are in 2012. Can you believe it? Here’s wishing you a year full of adventures and lots and lots of love.

Love to all, -m

Part 4- A holiday with our family of four

2012-02-03T09:19:00.000-05:00

Hi all-

I don’t know if anyone else is crazy enough to do this, but I feel like every Christmas holiday we are running a marathon. I mean, that's what the holidays are about, right? Seeing everyone you love? And it IS tons of fun. But it involves different people in different cities and lots and lots of driving. This year was no exception. We clocked in at 21 hours of driving, 6 bathroom breaks, 5 movies, 4 drive-thru windows, 2 stops at Cracker Barrel, 1 600 page book read by me while Peter drove, and thousands of calories consumed by eating candy to stave off the boredom in the car. It’s always 100% worth it when we get there but I always feel like we’ve been on tour or something. By the end I am having physical cravings for my own bed in my own house with my own family. Not that I don’t have a ton of fun along the way but home is gooood. Let me rephrase- not having to sleep in the same room as your kids is good. What is it with the noises that they make in the middle of the night? Whoever came up with the whole ‘sleep like a baby thing’ obviously didn’t have a baby. Or maybe they were just trying to mess with the rest of us.

This holiday was a little weird though. It was our first Christmas without Big Pete but it was our first Christmas with our sweet Aibek so it was sadness and happiness flip-flopping back and forth the whole time. There was one particularly psychotic episode on my part when Peter was gone and I was taking out Christmas stuff for Rin. I couldn’t get this bear that Pete had given us who reads The Night Before Christmas to read the frigging story for Aibek and I flipped out and pretty much took the thing apart trying to make it work. I stopped when I realized that both of my kids were sitting there looking at me like I had lost my mind. I guess I might have gone crazy for just a short minute. It just seems to hit at unexpected times when I have my guard down and comes out of nowhere to smack me around for a bit and the retreats again. But I digress.

As I mentioned before, it took me a little while to get into the spirit at all. It wasn’t until I got harassed by our little RinCakes who was drilling me relentlessly about when exactly we were going to get our tree and how long until Santa came and if the reindeer would come in the house too on and on and on and we finally gave in and went to get a tree and it finally hit me that this was all new to our little Bekerpies. And from then on I decided to be excited for his sake (and Rin’s) no matter how I was feeling myself. And with each stocking that we hung and each little Christmas tchotchke that Rin found a place for in our new house I felt myself getting more and more excited about it. Rin was an old hat at the whole thing but for Bek it was an entirely new experience and it was fun to be there for his first one. He was excited about the tree, the decorating, the train ride, the random fun stuff placed around the house, and even a little bit about Santa even though you’d never know it.

We had our fancy Christmas Eve dinner as our family of four (first one!), we left cookies for Santa, and then it was time for our little men to rest their sleepy heads. And finally after a month of Rin asking "How many more days?", we got to the big day when the kids get to rush downstairs to see what Santa brought them. I thought Rin's head was going to explode with excitement about the whole thing. It’s only this year that he’s started to care about getting stuff. It’s always been fun but it was sort of a surprise when people gave him things before. This is the first year that he expected it. And it did not necessarily lead to the best behavior. No worries, I’m working on it. It doesn’t help that there is not just Christmas but also both his AND Bek’s birthdays during our holiday tour. It’s a gift-getting extravaganza with three times the amount of toys.

But I have to say that Rin was exceedingly patient on Christmas morning and waited a whole 10 minutes after waking us up to absolutely insist that it was time to wake Bek up and go downstairs. How could I resist my sweet excited little boy? His excitement was the best Christmas gift I got this year (last year, just for the record, it was Bek. Bek is the best gift of all time). Rin raced downstairs and was in a gift opening frenzy. He got more and more excited with each gift that he tore into. He did however slow down enough to make sure everyone had something to open before he began and he was incredibly patient with confused little Bek who spent most of the morning trying to figure out what in the world was going on. Sweet big brother Rin showed him how to rip the paper off and get at the good stuff and it was pretty much the only time he sat still all morning. And once he was done opening the gifts under the tree, he asked, “Alright, when are we going to see GigiMar?” And it was off to pack and hop in the car to head a few hours down south to see the fam. And thus started the East Coast Christmas Tour.

More to come. Love to all, -m

Part 3- Christmas Prep

2012-01-29T10:53:00.000-05:00

Hi All-

I'm not gonna lie. I was not super excited about Christmas this year. Maybe it was the loss of Big Pete, maybe it was the unseasonably warm weather, but I just really wasn't into it for some reason. Our neighbors put up their decorations literally the day after T'Giving (I guess you do that here in the 'burbs) and Rin was pestering me to pull all of the decorations our of our garage as soon as the first ones were up at our neighbors. I tried to fend him off with gingerbread house making that lasted for a couple of days. Rin's decoration of the gingerbread house this year was meticulous. The house stood proudly on top of the desk in the living room for the duration of the season until I let Rin and Bek destroy it after New Years. I think that was the best part actually- my little destructors liked wrecking it better than making it.

But Rin finally wore us out a few days after Thanksgiving. There’s a strong possibility I might have gotten aggravated and said, "FINE! We'll go get a frigging tree for G's sake!" I'm not saying I'm proud of it. But off we went to the tree place, me grumbling just a bit (I hate hate HATE putting the stinking lights on) and trying to not quell Rin's excitement. In short, I was being a total Grinch.

It wasn't until we were shopping for a tree at our favorite roadside veg stand (Potomac Vegetable Farms- love 'em) that it hit me. This is Bek's first real Christmas. Don't know why it hadn't occurred to me before then. But as of that moment I decided that I had to make up for his first. I had to make up for the Christmas when he sat in a room full of babies and ate the same food, sat on the same teeny tiny potty while tied to the side of the playpen, played with the same broken toys, no one gave him hugs or kisses or even looked him in the eye most likely, and there was nothing special about the day. I wanted to make up for him not even knowing it existed at all. I wanted him to experience all of those things that I loved most about Christmas when I was little. I wanted him to smell the tree when he woke up in the morning, spend time looking and each ornament and finding just the right spot on the tree to hang it, listen to all the holiday music that Pandora can provide (Nat King Cole with a little Bing Crosby thrown in), open a ridiculous number of presents, and feel the excitement of it all. And so, as our boys were running around the tree place like lunatics set free from the asylum, I finally got excited. I got really excited.

There are very few times when I feel like I 'saved' my children but every once in a while it hits me that the experiences that we provide for them are not ones that their Baby House friends will ever get to have. Ever. And I am so happy that we can bring happiness and love into their lives. My Grinchy little heart melted and we picked out the best, prettiest, most Christmassy tree we could find. And I even let Rin pick out a $14 pie to take home for a special tree decorating dinner (those pies are so friggin good- all crumbly on top with nuts mixed in- mmmmm).

Bek, of course, was confused by the whole thing. The look on his face through the whole process was hilarious. But, truly, it is a strange thing when you stop and think about it. You go to this place with a bunch of trees and find one that you like, take it down and chain-saw the end of it, strap it to the top of your car, drive it home, and then bring it INTO your house. Such a bizarre thing to do. I mean, I won't even let my kids wear their shoes in the house because they might get dirt all over the place and we have a special place to keep sticks and rocks so they don’t come in either. The first few days we had the tree, I would carry our little Beksters downstairs in the morning, he would shout, "LOOK!" and point at it and struggle to get out of my arms to go and try to pull off all the ornaments. Can't blame him really. It IS super fun.

I get the boys an ornament every year representing something about them that year so for this year I got a chicken for Bek because his favorite thing to do is look at photos of chickens on the computer. He stands next to me as I check email or whatever and says "BokBok!" and flaps his little arms. So cute. And I got a pencil for Rin because he learned to write words this year. Can you believe he's writing words? Big stuff!

And after we got the tree up, it was on to other things. I could barely hold Rin back from pulling the 14 tubs of Christmas decor out from the garage himself. His number one thing that he wanted to get out was the little (very breakable) Christmas village but with Bek around it wasn't really such a great idea to have it out I didn't think. So our compromise was that Peter took him to the Hallmark store to buy him his own little unbreakable village. And he played with it for hours. And after about a week of that, he let Bek have a turn too. He's such a good big brother. Seriously, he is. And he has taught Bek well. The other day, I gave Bek a few jelly beans and then turned around to get Rin a dinner treat and I hear, "Thanks, Little BooBoo!" Bek had shared his precious treat with his big brother just like Rin always shares with him. I just can't get enough of them.

But the most hilarious part of the preChristmas hoopla was our visit to see Santa. We went to Richmond for a charity party that some friends throw (we were hoping to win some money for SPOON- no luck this year) and the following morning (post many mixed drinks and more than one jello shot- how old so I think I am? 20?) we hopped in the car and headed out to the mall and Auntie Ann met up with us. I had been trying to prep our little emotional mess for the Santa thing but really there's only so much prep work you can do with a two year old so we just had to go and see how he would do. I sorta thought it wouldn't go so great and I was TOTALLY right.

We sat and watched kids sit on Santa's lap while we ate lunch and he had his little eyes glued to the scene. I asked him several times if he wanted to go do it too and I always got an emphatic shake of the head. And he didn't budge on it. But finally it was our turn to get in line and wait for Santa, we couldn't put it off any longer. Rin was super excited about the whole thing and tried his best to be the best big brother ever and encourage Bek that it would be fun but just as I anticipated, our little Sweet Chunks balked. Rin hopped right on up on Santa's lap and I attempted to put Bek on his other knee but he clung to me like a little spider monkey, his nails cutting into my arm. Finally Santa suggested that I sit on his lap and hold Bek (kinda creepy but OK) and I did but poor Aibek just kept right on screaming, this time reaching out for Auntie Ann to rescue him since Mean Mommy wouldn’t. Peter was off to the side trying to get some photos with our camera and I was really hoping that he could capture the hilarity of it. This is the best we could do. Poor Rin is smiling and looking angelic while Bek is having a nervous breakdown. Too funny.

But then we were done and the boys got a lollipop and all was good in the world. A train ride around the mall later and it was time to head back to DC. Tired boys and tired parents but Rin got his Christmas requests in to Santa so mission accomplished.

More about Christmas to come soon. Still trying to figure out my awesome new computer. Love to all, -m

Part 2- And then there was a play

2012-01-10T14:35:00.000-05:00

Hi All-

And then there was a play…

Our mischievous little man was an elf. How fitting, right? And he could not have been more excited about it. He walked around singing all day every day- one of the five songs that they were to perform. We made a sign,we got costumes, and he practiced practiced practiced. He had volunteered us to make cookies (which thankfully his teacher filled me in on a day before) and so cookies were baked and decorated appropriately.

And then the big night was upon us. And it did not disappoint. The excitement ‘backstage’ was palpable as the kids got dressed up in their costume. Everyone was on their best behavior for the big night. Parents were told to take their seats- our Mr Bek was not to happy to leave the fun of all the kids- and we waited patiently for it to begin. There was the parade of characters through the crowd- Santa of course, the Elves, Betty Beautiful dolls, soldiers and trains. Rin put the “Shhh” sign to good use to hush the crowd and it began. It was a succession of songs that we all knew but with different words. “Jingle Bell Rock” became “Soldier boy, soldier boy, soldier boy march”. That song that I can't think of the name of that says "Falalalala-la-la-la-la became “Chug-a chug-a chug, chug chug chug chug” and so on.

And the kids- ranging in age from 3-5- did absolutely wonderful. Miss Carla said it was the best performance in 15 years. The only issue was when a couple of the trains crashed into each other as they attempted to chug in a circle and all the parents tried not to laugh at the cutest train wreck ever. The whole play was just so stinkin’ cute I could barely stand it. And Bek was entranced as well. Every time one of the songs ended, he make frantic ‘more’ signs until the next one started. When it was over we had to bribe him with cookies so he would stop crying that they were done. And the boys played until we drug them home.

All in all, it was a complete success and if there had been critic in the audience that night, I am confident that they would have given the play five stars. Yes, I am biased- but aren't I allowed to be?

Love to all, -m

The Holiday Season- Part 1

2012-01-05T13:23:00.000-05:00

Hi All-

Does it seem to anyone else as if the holidays start at Halloween and just never STOP? Yes, this is a two (or three, or four/five/six) part-er. What can I say? We were busy the last couple of months. In a good way. It all started with a performance and a feast…

Rin’s class sang four sweet songs to celebrate Thanksgiving and what it means and had the parents come in and share food. I just love Thanksgiving and the message that it sends. It’s not about what you buy someone or what you get in return. There are no obligations aside from eating a few bites of each dish that someone made and telling them it’s delicious. It’s all about appreciating what you have. And boy do we appreciate things around here. Especially these boys.

I am so thankful every day for my boys, even on the more trying days. As Rinat asks me sometimes in the middle of playing Lego’s or reading a book or just hanging out, “Mommy, do you still love me even when you are being mad at me?” But he knows that I do. He knows because I tell him about a hundred times a day. Sometimes in the middle of 'being mad' at him even. And so when I answer ‘yes’, he looks at me with a smile and says. “Yeah, I know.” It’s like he’s just sorta checking. Just in case. But really just cause he wanted to hear it for the hundred and first time that day. But for every bit of aggravation that he brings to me at times, he also brings out the best. He melts my heart on a daily basis- being so gentle and caring toward his little brother who sometimes hits him and steals his stuff, working so so hard to spell a word for one of the books that he’s written and illustrated, being so proud of himself when he cleans up his room all by himself during quiet time without being asked- I mean, sometimes I can hardly stand it. He’s amazing. And I am so thankful that he ended up in our family.

And as for the other boys in my life, what can I really say? I am just as obsessed with them too. Little BekMan just gets cuter and lovey-er every single day. He is the highlight of my day every single day- even when he hits me in the face and laughs, even when he has a diaper blowout, even when he screams his head off when I put him to bed. It’s still the best day possible because he’s there.

And Peter too. I have been in love with my sweet hubs for 18 years now. EIGHTEEN. I can hardly believe that I am 18 years old, much less that I have been with Peter for that long. (And yes, I am way waaaay past 18 years old. Don’t remind me. Seriously, don’t. I just want to live in LaLaLand and pretend I am NOT approaching 40.) Just like my other boys, Peter can make me furious sometimes and I might still wake up with smoke coming out of my ears the next morning but then he does something like say, “No, Hon, you stay in bed. I got the boys.“ and I am smitten once again. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to stroll downstairs at 8:30 and see all my boys around the table playing Lego’s or PlayDoh just as happy as three little clams. It's absolute heaven.

And I am so thankful that I have someone who truly appreciates what I do and doesn’t pressure me to earn money outside of the house at the expense of the kids. I feel like time with them is so limited and I want to be there just as much as I possibly can. And I am. Day in, day out, I am there. I know one day I’ll get a real job but for now, this is my work and I love it. Every day I am so thankful I filled out that application for position of mother (literally!). The pay is crappy, the hours long, and my coworkers sometimes annoying but the payback is beyond measure.

Love to all, -m

A Happy Post

2011-12-18T09:49:00.001-05:00

Hi all-
There is one thing that I left out of the September recap because it is so fabulous, so amazing, and so nerve wracking that it deserved a post all it’s own.

Uncle MattMatt’s wedding.

Uncle MattMatt (aka, Peter’s younger brother, Matt) is one of those guys who always thought he’d never find his perfect woman. For every girl he went out with, there was some little thing that he took exception to. But in reality, it was just that he hadn’t met the one person who he wouldn’t care wasn’t perfect. But finally, finally he did. They met last year just as we were preparing to head off to the unknown in Kazakhstan. We didn’t get too many details except for the fact that rather than asking our advice about whether we liked her and thought she was pretty/smart/funny, he just told us he really liked her. For him, this was new and different. But then we went off to Kazakhstan to deal with our own lives for a while. Then we came back. Then we went again. Then we came back again and spent the holidays and most of January waiting. Then I went and brought our new little guy into our lives and he took over our existence for a while.

And once we got our feet under us and rejoined the world after a while, we knew that this girl was the one girl who was going to be perfect for him. And we weren't surprised when he decided that, after 6 months of dating, he was going to ask her to marry him.

And she said yes thank goodness.

And they asked the boys to be in the wedding- awww CRAP.

I mean, I love a cute kid in a wedding. But mine being that cute kid? It filled me with stress. Would they wear the clothes, walk the aisle, behave themselves, or scream and ruin it all? But of course we said yes. So clothes were ordered, clothes were exchanged (imagine this- Bek was too fat for his size), clothes were altered (the size that fit his belly were inches too long for his chubby little arms), multiple shoe sizes were bought just in case. And we packed our bags and headed out for the big weekend.

And it was a wonderful weekend. There were fancy parties (and babysitters for us so we could attend the fancy parties!). My wonderful Peter gave a heartfelt speech at the rehearsal dinner; we drank lots of wine and got to spend time with family and friends. And then it was go time. We got the kids all dressed in their fancy white silk suits (yeah, white silk- on a one year old- yikes!), put on their knee high little cotton socks, tied their cute little while oxford shoes, and hopped in the car hoping for good behavior and no rolling around on the floor getting dirty before the photos.

At the church, there was a bagpipe player which was just what the doctor ordered. Aibek was completely enthralled with him. Every time he stopped for a minute, Bek made the ‘more’ sign. He literally stood there, mouth open, watching. And Rin was having a blast with the other two kids who were ring bearers (who, thank goodness were not perfect either but also two cute little boys who were doing what boys do) and behaving himself quite nicely. I think it helped that I had shown him YouTube videos of ring bearers to prep him for the big event. And then the time for the boys to perform was upon us. Rin was very into the whole thing. He knew exactly how to hold his pole with the flower ball on it (I’m sure it has a name, I just have no idea what it is), how fast or slow to walk down the aisle, and being the ham he is he was reveling in having all eyes on him. But Bek… well, I wasn’t really sure he would make it. At the rehearsal the previous day, Rin and Bek held hands going down the aisle but Bek wasn’t super excited at the prospect of being dragged down by his brother so instead he sat his little butt down and screamed. So, for the real deal, I just decided to play it by ear. The other three kids held hands and started to walk. I- who was holding Bek since he wouldn’t hear of anyone else doing it in this room full of scary strangers- said, “Hey look, Bek, there goes RahRah! Go follow him!” and set him down on the ground. Little man started sorta strolling on down behind the big boys swinging his little arms, looking around at all the people but he seemed kinda like ‘alright, there’s all these people looking at me but I’m good with it, they seem nice enough and no one is touching me’ (he’s still scared of strangers at this point) and he kept on strolling without looking back. So I booked it on up the side aisle to the front in my platform heels and whipped around the front aisle to see that Bek had tripped and fallen and someone he didn’t know was very nicely in the process of setting him back on his feet. But I knew what would happen. Almost in slow motion I saw him get that look on his face that precedes a loud wail. So I ran a grabbed him before he could get it out and sat down in the pew where he seemed still confused but pretty happy. And he did well. Until he saw, during the opening prayer, that his daddy was standing up at the front of the church and he proceeded to say, very loudly in that quiet church, “DADA! DAAADAAA!!” So I ran out the side door and once again missed the wedding of a family member.

I seem to be cursed, you see, with missing family weddings. I missed Kate’s last year because I was worshiping the porcelain god; missed Robby’s because we had just gotten home with Bek and I didn’t think I could face traveling again, this time alone, with both of my sometimes rambunctious boys (one, need I mention, with giardia and totally confused about what was going on in his world); missed Matt’s because I was outside sweating and getting bit by mosquitoes and holding Bek (but eventually gave up and sat in the car with the AC); and most recently I missed Emma’s because I was home with the boys because we couldn’t face the 9 hour drive a week after Big Pete’s funeral. One of these days I’ll attend a wedding again. Maybe Peter and I should get married again. Certainly I couldn’t miss that one, right? Oh wait, but that would mean I’d have to plan one. Never mind. Planning a wedding sucks.

But it was fun being outside as Matt and Melissa exited the church as husband and wife. They just seemed so darn happy about it. And then it was back to the club for the posed photos and I have to admit that my perfect little Rin had a moment. I’m pretty sure there will be at least a few photos of my precious boy with a scowl on his pretty little face but I can’t complain. Because it was off to another fancy party with a great band, dancing, food and drinks while the sitter gave the kids their own ice cream and cake of carried them off to bed.

All in all, a great weekend. We had fun, the boys behaved, and Bek made it halfway down the aisle. I have no complaints. And, most importantly, our Uncle MattMatt got to marry the woman he loves. And that, of course, is the only thing that matters anyway.

Love to all, -m

And no, I don’t have any photos. I was such a stress ball about the wedding that it didn’t even occur to me to bring a camera. Oops. Bad Mommy.

Loss

2011-11-05T20:56:00.000-04:00

I have been trying to write this for a week but nothing I write seems… enough. I sit down to write and nothing comes out. Not because I have nothing to say but there is just too much. I write and delete over and over again. So now I am going to write and then post it before I can stop myself. Here goes.

I don’t even know how to write this. It hurts my heart to even start. But our world changed forever last week when I saw my strong, loving husband’s face crumble when he answered the phone. A wife lost her husband, children lost their father, and my sweet sweet babies lost someone who loved them with all of his heart. Last week they lost my husband's father, their Granddaddy. My kids lost a future with him- someone who could have taught them about generosity, compassion, and selflessness. How doing little things can make all the difference in someone’s life. I know there are a lot of people who share this loss with us and it fills my heart to know that he was so loved. How could he not have been? He was one of the most open hearted and generous people I have known. All he genuinely wanted out of life was for everyone else to be happy and he supported anything that would do that. He gave and gave and all he wanted in return was our love. When we told him that we were going to adopt our children- and from a place that he had never even heard of no less- he was nothing but supportive and excited. The next time we saw him, he was full of facts about Kazakhstan- the population, the natural resources, the politics. His excitement for us to fulfill our dreams of being parents was obvious. It was pure and unselfish excitement. And that was him in a nutshell. He felt his happiness through the happiness of others.

I will always feel like I wasn’t open enough in my love for him. I wish I would have said it first, said it more often, said it every single day. I wish I would have called him out of the blue just to say hi. I wish I would have hugged him tighter and longer. There is a black hole of woulda shoulda coulda and I could fall into it if I let myself, but I won’t. Instead I will remember the look on his face as he saw my kids, Rinat especially, and let out a booming “Hey there, Big Boy!” in his sweet southern drawl, arms wide open, big smile on his face, as Rin ran into his bear hug and I will know that my babies gave him some pure and unquestioning happiness. They hugged strong and tight, and with their whole hearts just as he did them, and I know they brought joy to his life in even his darkest of days.

And I will remember the tears in his eyes as we said goodbye each time we got in the car to head home from a visit with him. “Thank you so much for coming. You don’t know how much it means to me that you were here,” he said every single time as he apologized unnecessarily for the show of emotion. I too am a softie though I hide it well and I knew what he was saying- that he loved us, that we had made wonderful memories together, and that he was already looking forward to making more- because I was too. And so, as I say goodbye for the last time, I am the one whose eyes are overflowing and I am the one saying,

Thank you, Pete, for spending time with us. It meant the world to us that you were here. I am so glad that Rinat got to spend 4 years knowing you and that you got to spend some time with our sweet little Aibek. And most of all I am glad that you got to see your son become a father. You taught him well and I know it made you so happy to see his dreams fulfilled. We love you and will remember you with nothing but love, every day, for the rest of our lives. I will give my family all of the hugs I should have given you. I promise to hold them tight and long and with my whole heart in your stead.

All my love,
-m

All Caught Up Now

2011-10-19T22:37:00.000-04:00

Hi all-

So, here it is already October and I am still playing blog catch-up from this summer. Let me give you the lowdown on August and September (which counts at summer ‘round here since it’s still in the 90’s and the mosquitoes swarm me the second I step outside). Sometimes I hate VA.

August brought us our wonderful yearly journey to the beach. It is one long trip, but the boys entertained themselves quite nicely for the 10 hours or whatever it was to get there this year. Thank goodness for the dollar store is all I gotta say.

A few little toys, a few little treats, a movie or two and then we were there- toes in sand, sun on bodies, smiles on faces. Ahhh. Well, for everyone except for our sweet high maintenance (when it comes to new textures) Bek that is. The entire week, we spent trying to get him to tolerate the sand but it wasn’t until the very last morning that I had the brilliant idea (light bulb over my head) that I could leave his stinkin’ shoes on. Duh. And he walked around like he’d been doing it all week.

Oh well, at least we know for next time. But, as usual, the water was a big hit. Rin boogie boarded, Bek floated, and a good time was had by all. It was a week of castle building, bonding with extended family, puttputting, Bek falling asleep eating (not once, not twice, but THREE times), and lots and lots of fun. I can’t believe it’s going to be another whole year before we get to do it again.
Sigh.

But back to reality and our own little part of the world because it was time for Rin to start his new school soon after we got back. And he was so excited. Already this year- I am writing this a month after the start of school after all- I am blown away by how much he is learning. I mean really. This is what my 4 year old is working on. Can you believe my baby is writing words? I mean, yes, I helped him sound them out and told him o+o says “oo” and s+h says "sh" but still. He was so proud of himself. And I was almost jumping up and down myself. And, I have to admit, maybe a little bit sad that he’s growing up but that’s my job, right? Raise him up right and then send him out into the world to live his life hoping that I've done all I can to prepare him. My sweet baby (er, boy).

And as for my other sweet boy, he just keeps getting sweeter and spunkier and more adorable every single day. I am seriously obsessed with kissing him. And he doesn't seem to mind too much. At night, after their baths, the boys play upstairs rolling around on the floor being silly and just generally laughing nonstop. It’s my favorite time of day. And the other day, Bek decided to play the kissing game. He would run to me and kiss my cheek, then to Peter and kiss his, and then to Rin and kiss him, and then back around to me again, Peter again and around and around. He did this for a good 10 mintues or so while Rin continued to play 'jungle gym' with Daddy. You would think that Rin would protest but I think he likes it just as much as we do.

Our boys are amazingly close and I wish with all of my being that it stays that way. They seem to have some sort of understanding between each other. Some closeness that I can’t even begin to touch. When I find myself losing my tempter and shouting at one of them (yes, it happens- don’t judge) the one always come to the other’s rescue from mean mommy with kisses and hugs and, on Rinat’s part, a toy offering to make our little guy stop crying. It gets me every time.

What a blessing these boys are. They are full of energy and love and every single day I think about how different our lives would be if we have not ended up together. All four of us were somehow put together by the universe and it couldn’t have turned out better. I am counting my blessings each and every day.

I hope you all find a reason to count your blessings today too.
Love to all, -m

The Days of Bek

2011-10-14T14:13:00.000-04:00

Hi All-

It’s been a year. An entire year since a little boy turned our world around. There we were in on the other side of the world discussing how long we could wait it out before we gave up on three years of hoping and went home baby-less to start over.

And then we met HIM.

In a little room, filled with strangers, Rinat was playing quietly with toys from the baby house director’s shelves. The adults were chit-chatting but I was silent, nerves taking over my body, brain going a million miles a minute, waiting to meet a boy- the boy who could be ours. They warned us he would cry. “He is not good with strangers,” they said. But they brought him in, all tucked into the arms of his nanny and covered head to toe but for his little round face. She turned him to face us and I prepared myself for the tears. But they didn’t come. From either of us. I was too happy. He was too scared. They asked if I wanted to hold him and I reached up to hold this bundle of cloth with a face. He looked down at me and I looked up at him and I took him gently and put him in my lap while they told us his life story. In his short life he had already lived in two different cities and been taken care of by countless numbers of people. I was hoping (if all the stars aligned) we would be the last in that long line. That we would be the people he could call his family. Time stopped as I tried my hardest to look at his little face with out jostling him, without pushing too hard to know him- so as not to scare him- and all of the other people in the room disappeared. I looked into those beautiful dark eyes like deep pools and I just wanted to jump in. I came back to reality and realized Peter couldn’t see his face and so before they could take him back to his room, I turned him to look at his beautiful Daddy who said “Hi there!” and it was too much for him. His little face screwed up into the pre-cry face that I have now learned to know so well and they whisked him off before it became full blown. But we were left with the afterglow of the promise that we would get to see this sweet little one again tomorrow. And our life as a family of four began.

Our little boys are lucky. Not only do they have the day of their birthday to celebrate them but a whole series of days- the day we met, the day the court said yes, the day we took him from the Baby House, the day we brought him home. And when the weather begins to change and the days turn colder, we begin The Days of Bek. Days when we remember all of the steps along to way to becoming his family. We have special treats, lots of telling and remembering the story, some gifts, and lots and lots of hugs and kisses.

The other day I asked Rinat, “What do you love the most about Bek?” His immediate response was to pantomime and then say, “Hugs. I love his hugs the most.” I totally and completely agree. He gives the kind of hugs that let you know that he loves you with all of his little being, tight squishy hugs full of love. He’ll be getting a whole lot of them back from his Mama. Each and every day.

I swear our little guy just knew it was his day today. I went to get him up and the first thing he did was stick his little fingers up in the air and shake his hips from side to side in a celebration dance with a big smile on his face. I hope you all find a reason to do a little dance today. I have many- but one big reason in particular today. I feel a dance party coming on.

Love to all, -m

And Life Continues...

2011-10-02T17:29:00.000-04:00

Hi all- You know how sometimes in a movie, there is a calendar on the wall with today’s date on it and a breeze comes along and starts to blow the numbers off? It blows off Aug 5, then the 6th, then 7th…and it blows harder and blows Sept 13, 17, 19 and keeps blowing to Jan 24, March 3, May 10 and ends up some time later and the story continues? Well, so goes our blog. A lot of time has passed but it is not for lack of subject matter that I haven’t written. It’s lack of time and, honestly, lack of energy. Once Bek started walking it sort of sped up my day by about 1000 times what it was before. I’m so tired at the end of the day all I want to do is sit and stare at a wall and re-boot. And before I knew it, it had been weeks since I have written anything about my sweet little bumpkins. And they deserve to be written about because- lets be honest here- they are amazing and I adore them and I don’t want to forget any first anything or any cute story about them. I’m not like my friend Carson who remembers literally every second of her life. Nope, I am more of the ‘once it happens, it is forgotten’ kind of person. So I write it down. And I have been writing. It’s on little scraps of paper around the house that I have been collecting in my desk. So let me organize a bit and just start writing. Let’s start way back in July...

As you know, we moved out of our beloved DC and into the suburbs and life is just a bit easier out here. No mile long lines at the grocery store, no driving around the block twice before finding a parking spot to drop Rin at preschool, no drunk people walking home from Metro at 2am in front of our house. Like I said, pretty easy compared to our life in DC. One of the things that we loved about this house was proximity to the jogging paths that run throughout the city. Most are wooded and it is heaven for a couple of nature loving boys.

And there is festival after festival out here. I think we’ve been to four this summer and it just keeps coming. Can you say scary face painting? Yeah, no butterflies or unicorns here, it’s green faced superheroes. And now we are into Fall festivals. It is festival insanity! There was a Taste of Reston Festival, Reston Festival, Asian Festival, International Festival, and those are just the ones I know of. It’s so kid friendly out here. We have made several trips out to Woody’s Putt Putt with Rin. He doesn’t exactly play it but more like he gives it a go and if he makes it, fine, and if not, that’s fine too. It’s all about the experience rather than the number on the scorecard when you’re four. And should be when you’re 34 as far as I’m concerned.

We celebrated knowing Rin for four whole years with cupcakes this year. A little more subdued than last year but full of love nonetheless. And what could be better than cupcakes with the people you love the most?

This has been a blazing hot summer and so when Rinat asked one day “Hey Mommy? Can we go explore a cave one day?” my answer was an enthusiastic ‘yes!’ We headed up to Luray Caverns and it was a wonderful day excursion for us. We got out into the hilly part of the state and drove wind-y roads. It wasn’t far but it was far enough to feel like we went somewhere. And the cave itself was kind of amazing. And nice and cool too. Of course poor Peter was sweating his pants off hauling that stroller a million miles down the stairs to the underground but it was worth it. Even Bek thought it was amazing and didn’t even cry like I thought he would. He’s still pretty unsure in new situations but he’s getting better by the day. I like to measure the success of any outing by how tired the kids are after it's all over. I'd count this as a rousing success. These darling kids wore themselves OUT as you can see. It was a very quiet ride home for us grownups. .

And, because me and hot don’t get along so well, we’ve spent a decent amount of time at the pool. Rin took a few weeks of swim lessons and is getting more comfortable with the water. It’s hard though because they don’t allow floaties or life jackets except at lessons so he tends to just hang on me. Bek, however, is a whole different story. He could float and float for hours. He will stick his little head in the water for what seems like forever holding his breath like a champ. He’s going to be the little fish in the family I think. Must be all that fat that makes him float- HaHa.

And other than that, we’ve just been hanging out and enjoying life. Rin and Bek continue to get along like peas and carrots. I don’t know why I like that saying but it just fits them. But wait- is Rin the pea or is Bek? Hmmm… They laugh and laugh and roll around on the floor and laugh some more.

I have about a million more little pieces of paper tucked away inside my desk and a million more stories to tell of the adventures of the sweetest boys on earth. But that’s for another day. I am out of time (the boys are pounding the table and shouting for dinner) and out of space (Blogger only allows 20 photos per post). So I’ll see you next time!

Love to all, -m

Kicking and Screaming to the Suburbs

2011-07-30T15:00:00.000-04:00

Hi all-

I fought it for years. I really really REALLY didn’t want to move out of the city. I hemmed and hawed, found something wrong with every place we looked at outside of my comfy city ‘hood. But in those excruciating 7 weeks between leaving behind our little bumpkin in Kaz and going to pick him up from the Baby House for good, I spent hours and hours on Redfin trying to forget the reality that he wasn’t with us yet and looking ahead and trying to find a place that would give my boys the childhood they deserve. And I finally hit on a place that seemed like it could be home. A Norman Rockwell kind of place where kids bike around the neighborhood together and neighbors bring over a casserole when someone’s sick. But, this being DC and all, it was with a multicultural twist- one of the selling points for me.

And have I mentioned that it had to be full of mature trees? None of those annoying twigs they pass off as a tree in new developments.

And amenities. There must be fabulous places to go and activities for the kids.

Proximity to the city is a must (it’s 30 minutes). And, the most important part- we must be able to afford a house AND afford to go on vacation/get a babysitter for nights out/go fun places without worrying about what it costs. All I can say is

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED

The kids are happy, healthy and we are settling in quite nicely I must say. The first night in our new home, the boys celebrated with ice cream cones

While Peter and I dealt with this

But we have settled in a bit and have had many backyard ‘parties’ that consist of Rin making decorations and making sure we all have a straw in our beers Kaz style- bendy to be precise because that’s how we do it 'round here.

And mostly we’ve just been enjoying having a place of our own. There have been lots of smiles and laughs as we bond and enjoy our new space.

Never thought I would say it, but...I sorta like it in the 'burbs. But, shhh, don't tell.

Love to all, -m

Lake Mode

2011-07-18T17:59:00.001-04:00

Hi All-

There’s just something about the lake. Wonderful things happen there. We are calm, we are relaxed. It’s how we should always be. But like most people, we don’t get to live on perma vacation. So we have to make the most of the couple of trips we take down here each year and enjoy our break from reality to the fullest.

We leave the crazy and hectic city of DC and head out, worrying about if we brought everything we could need, if the kids will behave or be horrific in the car, did I remember to lock the door/start the dishwasher/feed the cat?, and we set off hoping to regain our sanity in the few days we have there. The road is long and not always easy. We start off in the hurly burly world of traffic out of the city as we cruise down the highway. No, that was an over statement. Usually, we slowly creep down the highway as holiday weekends are bumper to bumper traffic around here. But eventually we make our way out of the city and the cars begin to thin out and the roads begin to get hilly and curvy. There are cows and crops. Grain silos and old farmhouses.

And we take a breath.

We turn off the highway onto a country road that winds past farms and through one stoplight towns. We have to slow down and wait to pass a tractor going 5 miles an hour.
And we take a breath.

The two lane road turns to a no lane road- the lines are gone and it is only blacktop guiding us on our way. We turn into the driveway and know we are somewhere like home but better.

Our pulses slow to a crawl, our blood pressure drops, and we can take a deep breath again. There are 7 blissful days of lazy mornings, boat rides, digging in the sand, playing with family, frosty boat drinks, novel reading, nap taking, and floating in the water ahead of us. The trip is long but we always arrive glad we came. Despite the screaming from the backseat, despite the bad fast food, despite the packing and “arewethereyet”-ing, and despite the sheer effort it takes to pack 4 people into a car for 5 hours it is worth it.

Growing up, we had a sailboat a few hours away and we went pretty often- at least it felt like that to me- and I have amazing memories of my childhood days there. Playing Crazy 8’s with my brothers, picking blackberries from an island in the lake, rowing around endlessly in the dingy, catching frogs and making giant holes for them to live in, sitting on the boom reading books for hours on end, special two-yolk fried eggs that I am pretty sure the lady at the marina faked for us. And I am so happy that we have a place for our boys to build memories like that. A place far enough away from our daily life and our daily interactions that it can be special. Like our own little secret getaway from the world. And maybe it’s part of the magic that the getting here is so hard. It makes you all the more happy to be there once you are. Sort of like our family I guess.

I have said before that I really don’t think I would appreciate our sweet boys nearly as much as I do had they come to us easily. I guess it’s just the world’s way of making sure they have our complete and unabating adoration. And they do, more than they will ever know. I know that the lake won’t be a part of our boys’ lives forever so I try to appreciate it for all that it is and have them store up just enough memories to last them a lifetime.

And please check out my sweet youngest’s face. Still not a fan of the sand or grass.

The water on the other hand is a different story altogether. He could float for hours. And he did.

Go and make some lazy summertime memories- it's already half over! Eat popsicles in the backyard, take a stroll to nowhere in particular and enjoy the company of the people you love the most.

Love to all, -m

WHO Makes it Rain?

2011-07-18T00:02:00.001-04:00

Hi All-
It's been crazy rainy around here lately and the other day, the kids and I were just sort of puttering around the house and Rinat asked,
"Mommy? Why are they making it rain so much?"
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him because I knew this was going to be an interesting one.
"Um..WHO is making it rain so much, Honey?"
and he looked at me through squinted eyes like he knew it was not the right answer but he said it anyway
"The weather people on the TV."
After him telling me to stop laughing, this led to a short and frustrating discussion about God. He keeps my on my toes. As does the little one. Just had to get that down before I forgot about it.

Can you believe the 'creek' in our new backyard? More about our new digs soon. We're finally settling in. FINALLY. And so far so good.
Love to all, -m

A Perfect Day

2011-06-22T21:40:00.000-04:00

Hi all-

Have you ever had one of those days that you are sort of dreading but it actually turns out BETTER than you thought it would? We have been busy with moving, people in town, babysitter drama, Peter working non-stop, and just our everyday insanity and I was just plain worn out. So we get to this weekend and the flurry of busy-ness, reached its crescendo. We met up with one set of people here, another there, housekeepers in the house so baby gets no nap, have to get ready for wedding events and meet the new babysitter who I have to give a diaper changing lesson to (not instilling a ton of confidence)… you know how it goes. Well, we get to Sunday and I will admit I was a little stressed out about the day (and maybe a tad big hung over too, or maybe just tired). I foresaw lots of run here, run there, missed naps, cranky kids. It started when we were up and going at 5:45 with our darling baby boy. He is not one to go back to sleep once he’s up so we were up and at ‘em early. Then Peter was off to work and the boys and I met GigiMar for brunch up the street and Kate/Jason/Matt joined us too which was an unexpected bonus. Rin got to eat unlimited amounts of maple syrup from his grandma and Bek lots to meet some of their LBurg friends. Then we ran back to the house with the stroller in hyperdash mode for a diaper change and to grab some things and headed out to a birthday party across town for one of Rin’s friends from school. I was a little unsure of how my sweet eldest would be due to the amounts of sugar coursing through his system but he was fairly well behaved. It was tons of fun. And it’s amazing how different Bek is turning out to be. He seems to be feeling more safe and although he is still way more clingy than Rin ever was, he finally ventures off on his own at the playground amidst all of the kids. It’s taken a while to get to this point.
But the best part of the party was post cake (which Rin didn’t even eat because he was sugar-ed out). My friend, Sohaer, and I were talking while our boys (BFFs at school) played in the field. Next thing I know, I see them systematically running back and forth and back and forth and back and forth across the field. I look closer and see that they are running through a puddle. A really big puddle. Oh well, their shoes can get wet, no biggie. So we keep talking and I see them out of the corner of my eye and overhear that they are pretending to be dinosaurs hiding behind a tree at the edge of the field. They disappear from view for a few minutes so we sort of walk around the corner to see THIS

HOLY SMOKES

All I can do is laugh. I mean, they are too far gone to even attempt to keep them clean and dry. So we go with it. They look up at us, we look at each other, shrug our shoulders, and say ‘Go ahead and play”. And they took us at our word. They knew that this was no ordinary playdate. This playdate was special. And they made the most of it. These two beautiful boys played their hardest and made the most of the hour that they spent wallowing in the mud like pigs. They jumped, they rolled, they gave each other ‘mud hugs’ and splashed to their hearts content. They were in heaven. And when the time came that every single person had left to go home and little Aibek started to show the signs of missed nap #2, we had them strip down to their underwear, washed them off at the water fountain, wrapped them in a blanket, and strapped them into the car with huge smiles on their little angelic faces.

Then, because our landlord was showing our house, off we went out to new house 30m minutes away to meet up with Peter who was done with work. But it really didn’t matter how far it was because the kids were asleep in the backseat in 2. As a matter of fact, they were so out that when we got there, I quietly scooped Bek up and into a pack&play for nap in his new room. And I had to literally shake Rinat awake. Then he spent a good 30 minutes lying on the floor in the living room trying to wake up. It’s amazing how completely a puddle bath will wear you out. When he was somewhat coherent, we let Rin christen our new fancy bathtub. He love love loved the jets and didn’t want to get out. The water, after we drained it, left a ring of dirt. Not surprising.

After naptime when we were still hanging out at the house it started pouring rain and Rin said “Oh my gosh, there’s a waterfall in the backyard! Can Arman and I go play in it?” Um no. But maybe another time. I'm glad that we have a sometimes creek back there. I'm hoping for tadpoles next spring.

We ordered pizza which we ate out of the box on the kitchen floor and I got really excited to move. It’s peaceful out there. The kids can run around. I don't have to worry about them being run over by a bus or screamed at by the neighborhood homeless person. I think it'll be a good place for us. And most importantly for the kids.

Then the day and the kids slowly wound down and we headed back into DC. On the way home, there was the kind of rainbow that only comes along every few years. It stretched from one side of the highway all the way across to the other the entire ride home. I told Rin about the leprechaun at the end with the pot of gold which he, of course, took as truth but he’s no dummy. He was a little suspicious. But he also loves to pretend so he let it roll and just asked a million questions about it. He is question crazy these days. And I wouldnt’ have it any other way. To me, questions mean curiosity and curiosity leads to a love to learning about the world. It’s the greatest gift that I could have passed along to him. All in all, it was a good day. Just one perfect day in our almost perfect life.

And other than that, the last weeks at our old house were spent playing, laughing, and packing packing packing. Oh and there were a few Spring puddles to jump in along the way.

Go jump in a puddle.

Love to all, -m

BTW- that second photo is a of Bek taking a snooze with his little bum stuck straight up in the air. I have been told that I did the same when I was a baby. Guess it runs in the family ;)

I Never Wrote about Easter!

2011-06-21T14:40:00.000-04:00

Hi all-

I can’t believe that I completely and totally forgot to write about Easter and Beks’ first road trip. What is wrong with me? Oh yeah, we adopted a baby and bought a house in the last few months. I knew there was something. In any case, I didn’t want to let the weekend pass me by so here’s the deet’s about Bek’s first Easter with us. Well, mostly just photos. But don’t photos tell most of the story anyway?

We started out in LBurg where Kate was in town for someone's wedding. We figured it might be a good time for a trip down for her to meet Little Man #2. So we drove down at the last minute and hung with GigiMar and got a visit from the Easter Bunny who brought Rin a pirate outfit (could you tell?).

Then we were off to RNoke to see Peter's Dad and Nancy. After many Rin-sponsored egg hunts in the back yard we headed off to the park and fire station. At first Rin was absolutely terrified of the fire station and refused to set foot in but I found a police motorcycle out back that he was so excited about that he forgot to be scared. And then he was in total fire station heaven. Sometimes people are so nice- especially the big burly ones. They are all softies underneath.

It was a good holiday and our little Bekers seems to be fitting in just wonderfully. He's a good traveler and pretty adaptable which is a good thing since our lives require it these days. And most of all, we are fitting together as a family and genuinely enjoying our time together and with all of our extended family. I am hoping for many many more wonderful times together- hunting eggs, driving fire trucks, or just making Playdoh animals. As long as we're together life is good.

Love to all and more backlogged posts soon.

-m

It's a Small Small World

2011-06-08T13:56:00.000-04:00

Alright everyone- sing it with me. “It’s a small world aaafter aaall…It's a small world aaafter aaall…It’s a small world aaafter aaall…It’s a smaaall smaaall wooorld” Is it stuck in your head now? Me too. As a matter of fact, it’s been stuck in my head for the last week. After a calm and wonderful Memorial Day weekend that we spent at the lake house (I’ll write about that trip later), we were home for one day and then hopped a plane for Florida. Destination Kazapalooza- with a stopover at Disney on the way. After an exhausting plane trip with a just-learned-to-walk toddler, we checked into our hotel and hung out for the afternoon. The next morning we got up and headed straight to the land of Mickey where we somehow lucked out and got into the Disney castle's breakfast with the princesses. At first Rin wasn't so into meeting the characters but once they informed him he was getting a sword, he was all in. We met them all- Cinderella, Belle, Snow White, Ariel... all of them.

Then it was off to enjoy the rides. I love Rin's face on the spinning teacups. Can you tell he's having an absolute blast?

The Snow White ride didn't go over so well. Rin said it was too scary. For all of his fearlessness, he's still a little boy.

We stayed the whole day long riding rides and wandering around marveling at the pure Disney-ness of it all. We met up with our friends Diane/Ceira/Tienna in the morning (the ones in Karaganda with us in 2010) and our friends Meagan/Tony/Taylor (part of the Astana 2007 crew) in the afternoon. We stayed ALL DAY LONG and closed out the day watching the electric parade and fireworks before heading home at 10:00 at night. The boys were troopers despite being completely exhausted. They fell into bed and slept past 8 the next morning.

And while we were in Orlando, we also spent some time chillaxing by the pool. It was Bek's first pool experience so I had to get it on film. He did pretty well and seems to like the water.

And then it was off to the sunny beaches of St Pete and the wonderful people who have adopted from Kaz. Let me tell you that there is nothing like getting together with people who really get you like these people do. There was no 'look at baby, look at parents, look at baby with quizzical look on face followed by well meaning but sometimes annoying questions'. It was just "Oh my gosh, he's absolutely ADORABLE!" from everyone that we saw.

Another first for our littlest one- the ocean. He's a little texture wary and wasn't super fond of the sand. As matter of fact, it pretty much just led to tears and pure misery when he discovered that it was actually STUCK TO HIS HAND (Aagh!!! Get it off!!!) Then we took him to the water and that went over much better.

But you can tell from his face here that he was still a little unsure. But check out Rin's face. There's no place he'd rather be than sitting in the sand as the waves roll in.

And, being the constant daredevil, Rin faced the mighty blow-up slide and won. Well, most of the rides anyway. This one not so much since Daddy decided to take Ciera down instead of him.

And there was a very rushed but nonetheless wonderful dinner with our dear friends from Astana. I swear these kids are almost closer than cousins. There's none of that awkward getting to re-know you time, it's just straight back into play mode. With us adults too. I don't really know how to describe it exactly. They are just sort of like extended family. We have shared with them things that we have not with our own families even. There's something about experiencing what we did together that outdoes any kind of description that we could give. You just have to have lived it right along with us. And they did. And I am hoping that these children know and enjoy each other their entire lives. There knew each other before we knew any of them after all and there's just nothing that can replace that. My friend,, Jila, was telling me that she always remembers Rinat being in the high chair next to her daugher, Kiana, at the baby house before we had even met him. Sometimes I forget that there was a time that we didn't know him but I am glad that he was surrounded by his little friends and that we can keep up with some of them forever. We are so lucky.

And post dinner was the pirate show. And if there is one thing that this little man is passionate about, it's pirates and he was so excited to meet a real life Red Beard.

And of course he had to load up on pirate paraphernalia and get in character.

He even refused to take it off for the photo with our good friends from Karaganda. Oh well, he is who he is stubbornness and all. Or should I just call it excitement?

And as the sun set over the Gulf of Mexico, our weekend was almost over. Our beautiful friends, old and new, scattered to spend the last few precious moments on their own. The next morning we met up and said goodbye to everyone, got a little more beach time, and it was back home. When I was downloading the photos I realized that as excited as I was about the weekend I really hadn't taken that many. What can I say? I guess I was just having too much fun.

And isn't it a truly small world? Five years ago, I didn't even know where Kazakhstan was and there we were in Florida celebrating a place from across the world with people from all over the US and Canada. It's a small small world. And we are all the better for it.

Love to all,
-m
Next up- our big move. Two days and counting...

Baby Announcement Kaz Charities

2011-05-13T13:44:00.000-04:00

Hi All,
As many other adoptive parents do, we left Kazakhstan with our boys in our arms wishing that we could take all of those sweet babies home with us. I felt that way when we brought Rinat home but this time the feeling was so much stronger. My heart just ached as I walked out the door with Aibek in my arms. With Rinat we just saw his Kaz friends in passing as we picked him up or dropped him off in his room for visitation. With Aibek we spent 4 hours a day in the same room with Aibek’s group mates. We got to know their favorite toys, their cries and their giggles. We saw them sick and sad with no one to hold them until they felt better, no one to kiss away their tears (but good gosh did I want to). I spent weeks trying my very hardest to get one little girl to laugh and finally succeeded only to leave a few days later and never see her again. We got to know a little bit about their life stories and why they would never know the love of a family- they had medical issues, there was mental illness in the family, there was a grandmother that visited once a year (yes, once still takes them out of the running for adoption). There are many reasons. But none of them make it OK for them to have that kind of life. I know that I can’t adopt them all, but if there is just one thing that I can do to just make one day of their lives better, I want to do it. If you would also like to help, please take a look at these very worthy organizations below. Buy one fewer Starbucks and instead use the money to help one little life. Maybe it will help one of ‘our’ little ones that we left behind.

www.twoheartsforhope.org
This organization was started by two adoptive moms and supports the orphans in Kaz wherever and however they see a need. They are working on a water filtration system for one baby house (aka orphanage), completed a new playground at another, trying to raise money to fix the windows at another, funded heart surgery for a sweet little girl in need, held a Nauryz (Persian new year) celebration at another place, will be building new beds at another… The list goes on. I am saving up money and hope to join the mission trip next year, wherever in Kaz needs help from Two Hearts.

www.spoonfoundation.org
Too many orphans around the world are lacking the nutrition that they need to support their growth both physically and cognitively. This organization is studying orphan, foster, and post adoption nutrition and are currently doing a study (I heard our sweet Aibek was in the program before he came home with us!) on the effects of vitamins on children in Kazakhstan. Watch the video, it will amaze you how much one little change in nutrition can change the life of a child. Make sure you have tissues nearby- it’s a weeper (with a happy ending for one sweet little girl).

www.jointcouncil.org
This organization supports and advocates for children all over the world and believes that every child deserves to grow up as part of a family. They are the voice for those who are too young to speak for themselves. They are amazing and I have been lucky enough to meet the director Tom DiFilipo I am in awe of his tireless dedication to the cause.

If you know of any other organizations that deserve a mention, please comment below and I will be sure to add them to my list. And please stop and take a moment today to realize how truly, amazingly lucky we all are to be surrounded by loving families, a bounty of food, shelter over our heads, and all of the opportunities that our lives have afforded us. I wish every person on earth could be as lucky.

Much love, -m

I Need to Blog More Often

2011-04-22T23:25:00.001-04:00

Hi All!

Seriously, I do need to step up the blogging because our life is totally insane these days and I really feel like I am leaving so much out. I mean it. Sometimes I have to remind myself how crazy things have been since September. I wonder why I am tired and then I remember that in the last 6 months we have done a lot: We went to Kaz on a very stressful trip where we had no idea if we would come back empty handed or not. Then we came home for my sister-in-law’s wedding. Then we went back and spent a month. Then we came back and celebrated Christmas and New Years and got Rin back in the swing of school. Then I went back again and picked up our sweet little pumpkin. Then I came home, we got settled into family life, got to know our little Bekster, had some visitors. Then we bought a house….

Oh yeah- we closed on a new house last week. Out in the ‘burbs no less. It’s going to be a whole new way of life for us but we hope that it will be an easier one. Just the difference in cost of living will make a huge difference. We won’t move in for another month at least but I can start signing Rin up for camps (thank goodness- not another summer of trying to keep him entertained) and trying to figure out what to move and what to donate. And I have been busy touring preschools for next year too. So far, everyone that we have dealt with has been super nice and helpful so I am excited to get moving and Rin is excited to have a big basement to run around in again.

Aside from house business, we have just been busy with our every day life. There have been a whole lot of firsts in our little guy’s life and it is so fun to see everything with new eyes again. There have been first popsicles and milkshakes, first trips to the zoo and aquarium, first parks and playdates. One of the big important firsts was Mr Big Stuff’s first haircut. Rinat was really really worried that Bek was going to be scared and that he might cry. We went to our local barber shop- you know, the old school kind with cracked leather chairs and a drawer full of lollipops- where Peter and Rin have ‘boy day’ once a month. Rin climbed up as usual but the poor barber who was trying to cut his hair found it difficult because he spent the entire time with his head swiveled to the side to watch Bek. But our brave little guy sat on my lap for the whole time and didn’t say a word. I couldn’t believe how much they cut off- a couple inches probably. No more mullet and now my little baby is officially a boy. No one will mistake him for a girl any more. And speaking of big firsts, he has also taken a couple of steps here and there. It seems mostly to be to get to wherever Rinat is. I do sort of wish it were toward his Mama, but I can’t get jealous. He ADORES his brother. Many people have commented that he just can’t take his eyes off his brother and it is 100% true. He is Rinat obsessed. But he obviously loves me and Peter too since we are now the recipients of the sloppiest, drooliest kisses every morning when Peter gets him and tosses him into our bed at 6:30 for a few minutes while we try to pry our eyes open. And we also have had a not so fun first- we headed to the doctor for his first round of shots and I certainly hope he will not be looking at his brother as a role model in that regard.

I just want to get this down on virtual paper so that I can torture Rin with it later in life. Let me start by saying that I adore my son. I love his spunk and the fact that he is the anti me. I was a shy kid growing up. I remember peeing my pants in first grade because I was too afraid to raise my hand and ask if I could go to the bathroom. Rin is soooo opposite of that. He has an opinion and it is right on out there for the world to hear whether we want to or not. So here's a snippet from my life that might make you laugh. We scheduled Rin and Bek's doctor appointments together the other day. I knew Bek would have some shots and I figured Rin might too so I prepared myself for it. It started off with the nurse coming into the room and Rin blurting out "I don't want shots." Just wanted to get it on record I guess. Then all is good until the doctor wants to look at his wiener and he says 'no!' and crawls under the exam table. Doc says no prob as long as I don't think there are any issues. Nope, no issues as far as I know so we move on to Bek's appt. All is well (he's only 5% height and 15% weight which I didn't expect- how much is he supposed to weigh I wonder). Then the doc leaves and Rin wants to know why we are waiting around. And waiting and waiting and waiting and Bek is crying and crying because he's hungry and Rinat starts to think that there's something up (there is) and wants to know why the nurse needs to come back in after we tell him that's what we are waiting for. And she finally does with a tray FULL of shots. "Are those for Bek?" Rin asks. "Bek is getting shots," I respond (which is not a lie). So I hold him in my lap and hold his chunky little arms and he gets get three and starts wailing on the third one which the nurse had warned me would hurt. I give him some loves and then I hand him over to Peter. Rin sees that there are still three syringes on the tray and goes running into the corner "No! No! NOOOOOO!!!!" For anyone who has never heard the volume level that Rinat is capable of, let me just tell you that it is above and beyond any noise that should be made by a child of only 4. This boy can scream. I explain that it'll just take a minute and then she'll be done and he starts screaming at the absolute top of his lungs (yup, the Kazakh war cry) and starts kicking his legs as I try to pull him pants down so they can shoot him in the thigh. I am trying to hold him still with one hand and pull the pants down with the other which is not working so then I lay him down on the bench and try to pull them down and he screams and screams and SCREAMS like someone is trying to kill him, his legs as far apart as he can get them and his hands holding the pants as tight as he can to keep them on. I am embarrassed and keep apologizing, the nurse is laughing, finally I start laughing at the ridiculousness of it. Rin gets pissed off that we are laughing. Finally Peter hands Bek over to the nurse and I hold Rin’s hands and Peter pulls down the pants and he is flailing around and screaming as loudly as he can. I finally wrestle him onto my lap and the nurse does the shots as he screams and screams and screams some more. It was horrible. Absolutely completely horrible. He calms down and we finally leave the exam room. Every single nurse's head turns our way as we exit which is, of course, humiliating. Absolutely humiliating. And as we exit the building, it's like a switch has flipped and the holy terror is once again smiling and happy. I, however, am a mess. I am embarrassed and still sweating from trying to basically wrestle a wild animal to the ground. And the kicker? We go back in two months for more- 2 for Rin and 3 for Bek. Kill me now. We’re doing separate appointments next time. And I don’t know, bribe him or something. Any suggestions? This photo is his payback until I think of something better. According to him, this is the 'straw king.' And just so you know, he's wearing my espadrilles too. Take THAT, Rin!

OK and here are some cute ones of him too.

But I can’t talk too badly about my eldest. Because it seems that the honeymoon period continues. Aside from a short stint of jealously (I think it must’ve been that) when my mom was in town, he gets the award for the best big brother ever. He lets us know when Bek wakes in the morning, when he needs a tissue, makes sure the basement door is closed so he won’t fall down the stairs, that he doesn’t put stuff in his mouth to choke on, tells him ‘maladietz!’ (good boy in Russian) when he pushes the walker across the room, makes sure Daddy doesn’t let the stroller roll away when we’re at the zoo, is upset when I don’t have Bek with me when I pick him up from school, wants to play his music box for him at night, shares with him, loves on him and just generally adores him all around. As do we all.

Little Beks is developing quite a personality too. He is no longer the quiet little guy we met way back in October. He spends most of the day yelling “DADADADADADADADADADA” at the top of his lungs and crawling around like a he just downed a 40 ounce of Mountain Dew. One of the funniest things is that he is starting to understand the world a little better now. He does things like look at me and shake his head ‘no’ as he reaches toward my computer or coffee cup- it’s the cutest little head shake I’ve ever seen. He knows not to mess with Mama’s stuff. And he finally realized that when he cries, I pick him up. It makes for a whole lot more crying but oh the cuddles I get. They make me almost look forward to him getting a little bump. And when I am not holding his plump little body in my arms, he is usually planted squarely between my feet, little hands pulling himself up my pant legs and face planted between my knees. And any time I sit down on the floor, he somehow manages to back his little self up into my lap. I’m not complaining at all. And strangely neither is Rinat. I am really very impressed at how well he has taken to his brother. I was worried that I had shown Rinat too much attention, too much love, and that he would feel replaced but that couldn’t be farther than the truth. He knows he is loved. As a matter of fact, at dinner tonight he told me “Mommy, I am going to make a list of all of the people who love me.” And he paused for a few seconds. “It’s going to be a whole lot of people. I’m gonna have to staple it.” I couldn’t ask for anything more than for my boys to feel like their lives are so filled with love that it won’t even fit on one page.

I hope you all feel so loved. If you make a list of your own, be sure to add my name to it! Much love, -m

ps- I can't get enough of that big boy haircut! And, yes, I cried on the way home from the barber shop. Big suprise.

2011-03-21T21:44:00.000-04:00

Hi All!

We have been busy with a capital B. Can you tell our sweet baby is tuckered out? Not only are we having an absolute blast with the newest member of our little family but we have been looking for a new place for our brood to roost for a while. Just last week we found a house that we both like and also can afford which is a hard thing to do around here. Sadly, we just can no longer afford to live in the actual District of Columbia and so off we go to the ‘burbs. I never ever thought it would happen but we’ll give it a go and see if we like it out there. We found a cute little house that is big enough to house us for the foreseeable future AND we can now afford to go on vacation every once in a while and, dare I even mention it, adopt one more time if we decide to. I told Peter when we got home from Kaz that I wasn’t even going to mention it for a year and then we would revisit the idea but buying a house made it necessary to chat about it now. So if we decide to adopt again, great. And if not, then we’ll have some cash free to do something else with. I have always wanted to go on safari…

But things are going amazingly well with the little man. Aibek is the easiest baby ever. Truly a piece of cake. I know there will be something we’ll have to deal with down the road but so far no major issues aside from the Giardia (yes, he did have it). And he and Rinat continue to be completely amazing together. I mean, they absolutely adore each other and there is not one single day that I don’t feel lucky to have them together. Just today we were in the little market below Rin’s school and I put Bek on the floor so I could use both hands to get Rin a slushy without spilling and he was just holding onto him and talking to him in the cutest little voice making sure he was safe and didn’t crawl off or get stepped on by anyone and this woman just stopped and stared and you could just tell she was melting and she said “Oh, that is so sweet!” And when I commented that Rinat was an absolutely amazing big brother, she practically went into conniptions telling me how sweet they are together and great it was that they love each other so much. People are really nice. The other day I was shopping with Bek and the Asian girl ringing me up commented that he was super cute and that he looked a lot like her baby pictures and asked if he was adopted from Korea like her. I told her that he was actually from Kaz and blahblahblah we were chatting away. Someone behind me in line overheard and had to come and take a look at him and they started asking questions, then someone else overheard and came up to see his cute chubby cheeks, and before I knew it there was a crowd of literally 10 people who were oohing and aawing over my sweet little guy. I don’t know what it is about him but everywhere I go strangers comment on how cute he is and how they just love the big cheeks and I have had lots of people call him a little Buddha. I couldn’t agree more. He’s adorable. I just want to give him big kisses on those chubby cheeks and squeeze him so tight he explodes. I can’t get over how cute he is. And of course Rin's no shlump either. I would kill for his cheekbones. And I love how snuggly he is these days. I'm sure it's partly due to someone else occupying my lap lately but I'm sure not complaining.

Our fabulous friends also had a welcome home Aibek party that was tons of fun. He’s still a little skittish with strangers (a totally foreign thing to me since Rin is outgoing sometimes to a fault) and I thought he might be a little overwhelmed by it all but he did pretty OK. At the end of the night it was Rin who we had to drag out of there crying because we had overstayed by at least an hour past bedtime. But Bek was unfazed as always. He’s easy. But he has been rapidly moving out of his calm and quiet phase and into the crazy maniac and constant blabbering phase. And I couldn’t be happier about it. He has been crawling around like a maniac. Sometime he does what Rin likes to call the polar bear crawl where he walks on his hands and feet with his butt stuck up in the air. And he absolutely loves standing up and getting his balance before he lets go and falls to the floor laughing and laughing. It’s been paying off too because just the other day I was having him practice standing and letting go and rather than just falling down with a laugh, this time he took a step toward me before falling face first into my lap. I honestly can’t believe that just 4 months ago he couldn’t even sit up. It’s crazy. And he was basically mute until probably December when he started out with “dadadada” before we had to leave him to come home and wait out the paperwork. And just the other day as I was taking him up to bath, he waved and said “byebye” to Rin. I cried (of course, what’s new). That’s a big first. And we’ve heard something that sounds like ‘all done’ although you would never guess that would be one of his first words with the size of his fat rolls. And he says a lot of ‘rahrah’ which I have decided means he is talking about Rinat. That’s what I told Rin anyway and it always puts a smile on his face when Bek says it. And I know he understands a lot. Like when he’s in the bath and I tell him to sit down. He just smiles and laughs and splashes back down. Little stinker. I swear Rinat does not help the situation. Whenever I say “That’s not funny, Bek.” Rin yells back from downstairs “Yes it is!” They are going to be T-R-O-U-B-L-E when they get older.

Rin decided one day that we needed to celebrate Bek’s BDay since he wasn’t actually here with us for the big day. So off we went to Giant to pick up not one but two cakes. One for little BekMan to destroy and one for us. Except that Bek didn’t really destroy his. He didn’t actually want to touch it at all. Rin had to literally take his little hand and shove it into the frosting and then stick it into Bek’s mouth for him to get the gist of it. But then he was hooked. The boy likes cake. You know, his tastes are nothing like I thought they would be. Rin ate literally anything that we put in front of him until he hit probably 2 or so. But Bek? Not so much. I will offer him, say, a bite of carrot, broccoli, corn, potato, banana, pear, peach or whatever and he will let my hand get within centimeters of his little lips and he will then dramatically whip his head to the side in a frantic bid to make sure not one tiny bit of it touches him. It’s so frustrating. I mean, it took Rin many many tries to like some of the foods that are his favorite now. But Bek won’t even touch them. Not even put them in and spit them out if it doesn’t suit. Oh well, he’ll learn eventually that man cannot live on meat and bread alone. And really, it’s not like he’s starving to death or anything, right? I mean, he has baby boobs for gosh sakes.

Spring has sprung around here and the weather is warm. And for us that of course means it's time to spend a whole lotta time outside. The park, the zoo, picnics, and lots of backyard time. When the crocuses start sending up their little shoots and I spy those gorgeous deep purple blooms, it's off with the boots and on with the outdoors. Spring is here.

And have I mentioned Rin's obsession with dinosaurs? Yup, it's official. He's nuts for dinos. And he is finally starting to draw some photos that actually look like something besides just a bunch of squiggles or a happy face. Here's his dinosaur book that he made. He told me I could rip it apart to copy and put it here for everyone to see. So enjoy.

Happy Spring everyone! Love to all, -m

It's Been a Good Month

2011-02-25T09:29:00.001-05:00

Hi All!

I think I have selective memory. Somehow in the last few years, I had forgotten just how messy babies are. And how exhausting. And how much stuff you need just to leave the house. And how, no matter what you do, sometimes they still cry. But having a new little one in the house is, of course, worth every second of work you put into them because you get back every bit of it in drooly smiles and sweet comfy snuggles.

It’s been four weeks now (four already?) and things are going well so far. Our little Aibek is a super easy baby in almost all respects. Literally the only issue we have been having with him are the blow-out diapers. And when I say blow out, I mean up the back almost to his shoulders, out the sides, and up and out the front. I have no idea what is going on with this little guy. Usually the morning one will occur about 5 minutes before I am supposed to walk out the door to take Rin to school. So it is off with the clothes, wipe off the majority of it, run his little bum under the bath faucet to get the little bits off that the wipes couldn’t, get him to stop screaming because I won’t let him play in the water, new diaper, new clothes, snowsuit, and out the door. A little chaotic but at least he doesn’t have the diaper issues that Rinat had.

So we went to the doctor about the boys both being a little off (Strep was going around Rin’s school) and told the doctor about the stomach issues that Aibek had been having. She ordered a bunch of tests on him at the lab but asked if there was any way I could go ahead and get the Giardia one done today (it was 4pm on a Friday). Thankfully Peter had gone with me to the doctor’s office to help out and so he took the boys home and I hopped in the car and floored it to the lab with one of Bek’s dirty diapers (triple bagged) in my hand. It was one of my all time most revolting experiences ever. I talked to the front desk lady and made it clear to her that the doctor wanted me to turn in the Giardia sample before they closed the office and could I please go ahead and get the container and fill it (and dispose of the nasty thing in my bag?). “Sure, you can fill it,” she said as she tapped her four inch, lighting bolt painted, rhinestone covered fingernails on the counter and handed me a bag with two little vials in it. “Instructions in here. Hope you have enough.” Clearly this woman had no idea of the magnitude of the issues we were facing at our house. She was not the best listener and when I asked her which vial to fill, without even looking up she mumbled something about the pink one and added “Bathroom’s out the door, down the hall,” and turned and walked out of the room. So off I went, poo-filled diaper in hand to find the bathroom. Which was nowhere to be found. So I went round and round the office building hallway until I found one. And, I might add, it was locked. I knocked and no one answered. I looked at the time- 4:43. “OK, I’ll wait a minute,” I thought. And I waited. And I knocked. And I waited. And I banged. And no one answered. So off I went in search of an alternative (again, holding a smelly diaper in a public place as people passed me by in their business suits and high heels wondering what that horrendous smell was) and after wandering for a minute, I found a handicap bathroom down another hallway, around another corner. And also locked. But this time someone answered my knock at least. So I waited until they were done and then walked in to see…a toilet and a pedestal sink. Hmm… OK, I have been carrying this diaper around with me for quite a while now and I just decide to get over myself so I put on the florescent purple plastic gloves that the bitchy nurse gave me, cop a squat, and start digging the nastiness out of my sweet son’s diaper with the teeny tiny little spork provided by the vial full of foul smelling liquid that I was required to put the poo into and shake it up. I had more than enough to fill it all the way to the red line as the directions said. Mission accomplished. I packed back up the nasty diaper but couldn’t quite make myself put it in their trash. I felt bad. It stank worse than anything coming out of my son should stink. So I stuffed it back in the three bags I had tied around it, put it in my bag and off I trotted back to the office, a smile of relief on my face that I got it back to her 5 minutes before they left for the weekend. “So do I just fill up the gray one and bring it back on Monday for the rest of the testing?” I asked the ornery nurse. “Uh, NO. You gotta fill that one up too. With the same batch as the pink one.” Groan, huff, and I made her promise not to lock the doors before I was back (and didn’t trust her when she reluctantly agreed). So back I went to the bathroom, back on with a new set of purple gloves, back out with the diaper, unwrap it. This time, however, I was having a much harder time getting the stuff out with the tiny spork as it had been mushed into the diaper in my rush to cram it back into the bag. So what would any desperate mother do in this situation? Yup, I pulled a plastic Take&Toss spoon out of my diaper bag and scraped that sucker clean. This time diaper went in the trash, as did the spoon, and I dropped it at the office right on time. Done. And she handed me the other 7 vials to fill over the weekend. Sigh. Having children requires relinquishing all dignity at the door.

But truly I can’t complain. He is an absolute dream. The only time he cries is when he has a reason to. There was one day in particular that gave me Rinat flashbacks (sorry Rin, but you were not exactly an easy baby). He cried for two hours in the morning rather than napping and then two hours in the afternoon rather than napping. I tried everything to make him stop and the only thing that worked was food. So at dinnertime, I sat there and fed him and fed him and fed him and fed him…for more than an hour. I’m not kidding. I think he clocked in at 1 hour 10 minutes. Any time he did his ‘more’ grunt, I fed him more. I had been feeding him only the amount that I thought his belly could hold without him barfing but I guess that just wasn’t enough. Who knew? So I fed him until I was afraid there might be intestinal damage and he was all smiles and happy once again. Lesson learned- feed him about 10 times the amount I think I should and he might barf but at least he doesn’t cry. I can deal with the barfing. The screaming? Not so much.

And, like with Rinat, I have been teaching him a little bit of sign language- just enough to make our lives easier. And after only a week, little man did the sign for ‘more’ unprompted. Yeah, it was brought on by cookies for breakfast but whatever works, right? ‘Milk’ came soon after. And ‘all done’ and ‘sleep’ are the latest. He gets confused sometimes but overall it makes our life easier and it makes him really happy to know that he can tell us something. He’s so proud.

I want to get this on record because I know it won’t last forever but Aibek and Rinat are playing together absolutely amazingly. It’s wonderful. They just roll around on the floor like puppies and laugh. Every time Aibek wakes up from nap, Rinat screams “Don’t get him yet! I wanna come too!” and we go and make faces at him and Rinat tickles him while I change his diaper. It’s sweet. At bath time, Rin wants to ‘scrub-a-dub him’ and for some reason, Aibek thinks it’s really funny when Rinat comes running and yells “BOO!” right in his face. Whatever floats their boat I guess. Rinat is so proud to show him off too. The first day that I brought him to school, he was so so excited. He asked “Will you bring him to school and put him on your hip like this?” and pantomimed it “and I can tell everyone what his name is?” It was really sweet. And everyone was very excited to see him finally home with us.

We haven’t had a million people come and visit like when we brought Rin home but we have had some visitors and it’s really interesting to see him with them. He is getting more and more active and vocal at home but the second we step outside or someone comes here he just freezes and stares. He’s not afraid really- he always wants new people to hold him and wants to see everything- but it’s just like he’s a little bit overwhelmed and doesn’t know what to do. Deer in the headlights syndrome I guess. But it sure makes shopping easy. He just sits in the stroller and stares. It’s awesome.

There have been many wonderful moments on this journey to bring another child into our family- meeting him for the first time after resigning ourselves to going home empty handed, the first time he reached out his chubby little hands for me to pick him up, his little finger curled around mine as I fed him his bottle on the plane to Almaty- but the moments I have found that I love the most are those that are unremarkable except for the fact that they are mine. Hearing Peter read him books at night, watching my two boys in the bath as they climb over each other and laugh and laugh and laugh, his little head on my shoulder and hands tucked under when he’s sleepy, Rinat begging me to let him sleep on the floor in Bek’s room so he can tell him it’s OK when he cries at night. They are not anything unexpected except for the fact that I felt like at times it was never going to happen for us. But it finally did. And it is so worth all of the tears and headaches of the last few years. Unbelievably worth it. Each and every day I feel blessed to have these boys of mine. All three of them. I may not mention Peter as much at I do the two little ones but he is enmeshed in our lives like very few of my friends’ husbands are able to be. He is there for each and every important part of our lives, both the exciting (arriving home from Kaz) and the mundane (poo scraping). I don’t know how I would do it without him. I am so lucky to have the life that I do. It may not have been the life I planned but it is so much better than I could have hoped for.

Love to all and I hope it’s not quite so long until I post again. I’ll do my best, -m

Photos from the Airport

2011-02-24T22:13:00.001-05:00

Completely belated, but here are photos of our arrival at the airport in DC and the first night home- Rin even took one of them. He was so excited. Nothin' like bringing a baby into your world. I have a post coming soon. It's just taking a while to get it done. We've got a lot going on these days ;)

Love to all, -m

A Day of Love

2011-01-29T10:53:00.000-05:00

Hey All!

I’ve tried to start writing this a couple of times so far but I just don’t even know how to put into words how deliriously happy I am right now. Or maybe it’s just that I am so tired that I can hardly put a sentence together. One or the other. There have been many happy times in my life but last night and today have been just blown away the competition. I have all my boys together again and I can barely believe it has finally happened. The world is good and my heart is absolutely overflowing. And so are my tears. I just can’t stop them from coming. There was a part of me that was always a tiny bit on guard until it was done. But now there is not one single thing to get in the way of it being the four of us together forever. Now that wall is ripped down, smashed up, and put in the shredder and my heart is utterly open to invite this little one into it fully and completely. And he is crawling, cooing, laughing, babbling, and snuggling himself right on in.

But what a trip back home it was. It, as all Kaz flight seem to do, started when we were picked up at 1am to head to the airport in Almaty. Little man wasn’t too out of whack being woken up in the dead of night and stuck into the dreaded snowsuit yet again. Just a little crying and then he laid his head on my chest and was happy again. Things went well, we got lots of smiles from everyone (except the Kaz passport guys who looked a little pissed actually when they saw Bek’s Kaz passport). He was also pretty good waiting at the airport too. He just sort of chilled in the stroller mostly. As we were waiting around for our flight, a woman (American looking) was fast walking around the area with a stroller of her own and said “Congratulations” as she passed which took me a little off guard (it was 2am after all). Carson has been obsessed that everyone thinks we are lesbians adopting a baby together this whole time and so she was on a search to talk to the lady again and casually drop the ‘My friend’s husband is home with their other son’ to set things straight. So we started looking around for her. As we looked, we noticed that there were several of us non-Kazakhs with babies on the flight. Four to be exact and so we gravitated to each other and shared our stories. Two of the four were also in Karaganda at the other baby house and then the woman who had congratulated us (who, yes, was set straight by Carson) was in Ust. What a small world. Not to mention meeting (don’t think I mentioned anyway) a woman and her sister in Frankfurt, on their way to Kaz, who recognized me from the blog. Super small world. In any case, our flight was called, we bundled him up yet again, and headed to Germany. He was pretty decent on the flight. It helped that there were at least three other babies on the flight crying so he just sort of blended into the mix. Overall, no complaints. I shoulda known it wouldn’t be that easy…

So we got to Frankfurt and just sort of hung out for a bit- got some coffee, bought some internet minutes, strolled Aibek to sleep, Carson took a short nap. Sidebar- Carson cannot for the life of her, despite multiple glasses of wine AND Ambien, sleep on a plane. But she has no problems whatsoever falling asleep in seconds in a booth at a café in the middle of a crowded airport in a foreign country. Really? Anyway, sidebar done- we were just hanging out trying to waste the time we had there. Until we looked at our itinerary… and realized our flight left in less that an hour. Oh shit! Shut down computer, pack stuff back into bags, grab stroller, and run to monitor to see that it is…dundundun….cancelled. So we went to the Lufthansa counter to see what the deal was and they said “Oh yeah, it’s because of the blizzard.” Um, ‘scuse me? Blizzard? In DC? As Rinat would say “What the J?” So they then sent us down to the United counter (who was operating the flight) and basically told us to run because they might be able to get us on the 12:15 flight. So Mama ran with Baby, followed by Friend with all the bags down the terminal hallway, down the stairs and to the counter where we were told “Oh no worries, you and the baby are on the flight. But your friend? Nope.” Say what? So they got her a standby ticket and we rushed down to the gate to see what we could do- beg, plead, pay somebody off. As easy as our first flight had been, this one was making up for it. Carson is talking to the gate agent, I am trying to find a place to change stinky diaper #3 of the day without having to change him on my lap (gross), running around like a chicken with my head cut off so I can get back and try to evoke some sympathy from the flight people. There was just no way I could leave Carson stranded in the airport after she came all of the way to Kazakhstan to help me. But there was also no way I could stay at the airport because I would literally have to stay at the airport since Bek, Mr. Kazakh citizen, had no visa to enter Germany. It was total insanity. So we are waiting and waiting and they start calling all of the people to board. First it’s the Awards Members and First Class, then the people with children and elderly, and then they begin general boarding and still nothing. Officials keep telling me I have to board and I keep saying “No, I have to make sure my friend is on the plane.” And finally when everyone else has boarded, we hear those sweet words “Carson Hobby, please come to the check-in counter” Hallelujah. I didn’t even care where her seat was as long as she got on that friggin plane.

It turns out that the stewardesses, however, did care. Carson tells me (or so she says) she repeatedly kept trying to come up to check on me and the stewardess kept telling her that she was not allowed into my class of seats (Um, was that Crappy class? Or Bitchy Stewardess Class? Either would be an accurate description) But it didn’t really matter all that much anyway. My perfect child slept. For 6 hours. I mean, it wasn’t exactly sound slumber or anything but it was sleep. He was on my lap and would only lie facing up, fingers in mouth, head on my belly. He would, ever so slowly, begin to slide further and further down my lap and so about every 20 minutes I would have to rouse myself from my semi-slumber and gently ease him back up without completely waking his cute little finger-sucking self. At one point, the man beside me (who was super nice and offered to help me many times) actually woke me up to point out the fact that literally the only part of him still technically on my lap was his head and shoulders. I actually knew that but have any of you tried to hold a sleeping baby for 6 hours straight? It’s exhausting! The last two hours or so of the flight, I actually woke him up because I just couldn’t do it anymore. I had to get up and move a little bit at least. Carson spied me after a bit and headed up my way into- oohaah- business economy class or whatever it was. So we got to hang out for the last little bit.

Carson was worried about missing her connection in DC so when the wheels touched down, she booked it out of there to get to the front of the passport line. If anyone from DC passport control out there is listening, it would be super great if there was a line for families. I’m just sayin’. In Kaz, we get bumped to the front. Frankfurt has special security lines for families. But in the nation’s capital, we have to trudge though like cattle being led to slaughter. Bummer. But we got to the front finally and- final step in the adoption process- handed over the big fat immigration envelope to the not so nice passport man, wait for him to fill out some forms, and we were done. So I ran out to try and find Carson before she headed to her next flight and was sort of surprised to find that she was still there watching the luggage go round and round. But none of it was hers. So off she goes to the counter and they have, in fact, lost it. And she has missed her flight. And there are no more today. Oh but wait, what about other airports (thank the lord that we live in a big city). Yup, one flying out of DCA in a couple of hours. DONE. Silver lining? She got to walk out with me and see my sweet boys greet the new member of our family. And it was good.

Peter and Rinat were waiting with balloons and smiles and hugs and happy tears. I saw them and immediately started crying to. I was just so amazingly happy to be home where we belong and together again. We caught up for just a minute and then little man had a stinky diaper (of course, what’s new) and so Rinat went with me to change it. He was just so so amazingly sweet with his new baby brother. He jumped up and down and twirled around in circles to make him laugh, he handed him toys and made funny faces, he said ‘kuhkoo’ and tickled him under the chin, and he even told me he’s giving him one of his favorite stuffed animals, AhAh the monkey. It was everything I had hoped- minus the stinky diaper that is. It’s crazy that changing a smelly swampy diaper in the airport bathroom is one of my favorite memories but what can I say- some of the best times in life are not about fancy clothes and big to-do’s but just the everyday ones, covered in spit-up, covered in love.

So we hopped in the car, happy to be back in the US and drove Carson to Reagan National. Rinat was excited to have not just me in the backseat with him (doesn’t happen often) but also his little brother. Poor little Bek though hadn’t had his fill of sleep and shook his head back and forth and back and forth and back and forth soothing himself until he drifted off. It was hard to say goodbye to Carson at the airport. I mean, how can I even begin to say thank you for something like that? It’s just not possible. But the thing is- she knows. She knows because I would have done the same for her. In a second. Any time she needs me. No matter what. That’s just how it is with us. She is treasured and I am lucky to have her. So Carse, wanna head back in say, about 3 years? HaHaHa

And then we headed home. Thankfully, our power came back on while Peter was at the airport. He had packed a bag to stay at a hotel but we got to head home after all. The sheets were dirty, dishes unwashed since the power had gone out a day ago, but it was home and I couldn’t have been happier to be there. Poor Bek was woken up yet again and Rinat could not wait to show him around the house. He wanted to tell him anything and everything about living here and being in our family- including the rules which made me laugh. I let them play for a bit while I made some dinner. And, again, as we sat around the dinner table, the four of us, I thought about how absolutely lucky I am to have all three of my boys in my life. I would not be the same person without each and every one of them. They have all changed me for the better.

Then it was bath and bed. Bek seemed to really enjoy his first bath, unlike the shower in Kaz. He was mesmerized by the moving water and pretty much just stayed at still as he could. I washed off all of the stink from the last few days and he was a soft, fluffy-haired baby again. And so cuddly. And Rinat was super excited because when I handed Bek over to Peter, I told Rin he could come in the bath with me for a few minutes which he LOVES. I’m sure he’ll hate me for it later, but he loves taking a bath with his mama. My sweet boy. After bath, we put the boys (the boyS!) to bed. Bek was fussing a little bit but I left him alone to sooth himself. Then I heard Rin go in there and tell him in his sweet little voice, “Aibek, it’s time for bed little guy. Look outside, it’s nighttime.” He’s being an absolutely wonderful big brother. Zero complaints. I’m amazed by him.

Bek was up a couple of times in the night but did pretty well actually and was up for good at 4:30. Damn that jet lag, but I can’t really complain. Rin woke at 7 and we all rolled around on the bed together for a while. Another memory for my all time best memories list. I loved it. Aibek was ready for a nap soon after and Rin was so bummed. He wanted him to play but I assured him he’d have plenty of time. And it was good because it gave Rin some time with me that was much needed. I missed him so much while we were gone. The snow was falling outside and I was curled up in my robe with coffee in hand, baby sleeping upstairs, big brother playing quietly downstairs, reading all of the well wishes on email, Facebook, and the blog. I have to admit something- I was in my robe from the time I woke up, until after dinner and I am not apologizing for it. Don’t new mamas get to take it easy for a while? I sure did. I soaked up the entire day from 4:30 in the morning when my little sweet chunks let us know he was all done sleeping until I just laid his sweet little head back down in his crib tonight. It was a good day. An amazing day actually. A day for the record books. I hope yours was too.

Love to all, -m

Sorry for the long winded post but I didn’t want to leave a single second out. Every single little thing added up to a difficult, amazing, exhausting, stressful, and blissful experience. And, thank goodness, now it’s done and we are back to our everyday lives. Thank goodness for the loving magic that happens every day I am with these guys.

Easy Day (HaHa)

2011-01-27T02:00:00.000-05:00

Hi all!

No too much to report today. It was pretty low key. It was another rough night with little man and I ended up just passing out on the sofa last night so he could sooth himself without me getting in the way which seems to work out better. I didn’t wake up until 8am (sad to say that Carson is a whole other story) and then lazed around, chitchatted, and drank coffee until little man woke up about 30 minutes later. It’s how every morning should be I think. We hung out in the apartment until noon and then had Sasha take us out for some lunch and souvenir shopping at Tsum. Let me just say that it was not the most pleasant 3 hours I have ever spent.

Firstly, Aibek has had stomach issues (of course, all food is new to him poor guy). So we get to the American Bar and Grill and he is fussy and wiggly. I tried to mime putting a child into a high chair to the waiter and his eyes lit up in that universal ‘I get it’ look. And then he came back with a booster seat to put in the booth. I tried again and mimed putting him in a chair at the end of the table, again the understanding look- and he brought an extra chair to put the booster seat in. I was clearly doomed to hold Aibek in my lap for the duration as he was writhing and flailing around. That waiter clearly does not have any children of his own. Carson and I were both completely starving and happy to have an English menu. I figured there is only so much they can do to mess up a burger but I forgot about the fact that we are in Kazakhstan which is not really known for its amazing burgers but more for the food native to this country. Lesson learned. The meat was so gristly that I took maybe 3 bites before giving up and eating the last 4 french fries that Carson had not pilfered from my plate as I was giving Aibek his bottle. Which he then proceeded to throw up all over the floor of the restaurant. This was no spit up, it was barf and it was gross. So we high tailed it outta there and went to Tsum in search of some shopping.

Sometimes I forget that other people have not been the places that I have been and although Tsum was just par for the course for me and I entered only looking for where there up escalator was, I looked back to be sure Carson was following and saw the same look on her face that I probably had when I first came to a store like that in a foreign country. It is sort of a mix of confusion and being overwhelmed by the sheer numbers of stalls and the amount of stuff in each of them. She seemed so confused. But we found a few places up on the third floor selling the requisite matryoshka dolls and felt slippers and she loaded up on things to bring home. Little Sumo was not super fond of the stroller and wandering around and so I ended up getting him out and holding him for a bit.

I have always felt like peoples’ eyes are on us as we have been in Kazakhstan the last few years but I feel them much more when I am with Aibek. I am not sure if I am more sensitive to it since I know not everyone thinks international adoption is such a good thing in Kazakhstan or if they are staring because I have a super cute baby or staring because he’s fussy or staring because they hate me or what. But they stare. And they stared even harder when his little head fell lower and lower and his little eyes closed and he put his head on my shoulder and fell asleep. It was so sweet, but MAN are my arms tired. We finished up the shopping and got back in the car with Sasha to head back to the apartment to head home which of course woke up Aibek and he started crying and I learned something new about him. His sad little tears drip down from the outside corners of his eyes. I had not even noticed it before. Do all Asian people cry on the outside? I’m curious now.

In any case, we headed home, fed him, cleaned up more vomit, Carson got us some sandwiches from a place next to the consulate, and we took a fat nap until Aibek woke us at 7:30pm.

And in a few hours we’re heading home. I cannot wait to get there. Here’s hoping for a smooth 24 hours of traveling. Not to jinx myself or anything…

Love to all, -m

And here’s a little guest post from the most amazing friend around. I have known Carson since Accepted Applicants Weekend at Sweet Briar College in 1990. She was looking for a roommate that she wouldn’t want to kill a month into freshman year. She settled on me and we have been great friends ever since. I mean, really, who else could I count on to not only fly across the world for me but also keep me entertained, run all my errands, make bottles, get puked on, cry when she met my son, and most of all be just as happy for me and Peter as we are ourselves. She is the epitome of a best friend. So without further ado, here’s my BFF Carson……….

It has been an amazing trip…. overwhelming ...exhausting..Emotional..and so rewarding. I am sitting here in an apartment in Alamty with my dear friend and her sweet new baby (who just puked all over her ha) I am trying to reflect on my trip here. I came with no expectations only to come and help bring home Aibek for Maren, Peter, Rinat and make their family complete. I knew I was going to a very unknown place for me but life hands you all sorts of roads to take you can take- the most traveled and be safe or you can venture out and experience some truly amazing things. I really wanted to be here for my reasons. First being for Maren she went through so much to get here and I could never really help. I mean I could listen …tell her I was sorry when things didn’t go the way she expected but I could not make it all better for her. And of course I am one to make things better.. not being able to fix it for her truly killed me. So when she asked- of course she says I volunteered..but if I remember correctly( which as we know I do) she and Peter laughing suggested it to me- I said sure. Another reason I wanted to go was for Peter. I know that If Scott could not come with me he would trust that Maren could keep me in line and vise versa. I tend to keep Maren laughing and seeing the funny in everything like the door of death..being puked on…my eyes literally melting from the smell of his toxic poo..being woken up from a dead sleep with screaming Bek and staying awake with Maren and eating a whole thing of Pringles bc we are starving and watching Russian TV. Of course there were some personal reasons to come- weight loss …spending time with Maren...and most importantly I felt like this trip would change me as a mother and person. Not many people get to travel to a foreign country and go into a baby house and walk out with a child. To see all those babies who are there and kn0w some of them will never get the life and Rinat and Bek get breaks my heart. I know that my perspective on my children is different as well. Another reason which I forgot about and Maren did not come through on is my fur Russian Hat. DAMN HER

This truly has been an amazing trip and I am so glad I came. I am a terrible writer so Maren has to edit this thing, and we have to go the Ramstore (again) and get home to get up at 1:30 to fly out of here in middle of the FREAKING NIGHT! REALLY??? So with that we head out and then home to the states where Bek becomes a USA citizen  and I am then I am on to my family who I have miss soooo much. HOMEWOURD BOUND

Carson out…

Jan 26

2011-01-27T01:58:00.002-05:00

Holy Poo, Batman

Hi all!

So this morning, Little Man slept until probably 7am which was a very happy thing for us adults. I walked out after a big fat 8 hours of sleep and Carson was watching news coverage of the bombing in the Moscow airport. She had been watching it since 4:30am when she woke up. Scary stuff. But there is only so much time to focus on such a horrible thing when we have a cruising baby to take care of. And he needed a whole lot of taking care of today. We didn’t have too much on the agenda- just a drop-by from Janara this morning and our embassy visit that got moved up to today at 3pm. So it was a slow, easygoing kind of morning- one of those days when we stayed in our pajamas until noon. And Sweetness was very happy to just hang out and play. And poo. A lot. And badly. He left us a really good one this morning (my first) and I changed it with Carson assisting. The stench coming out of that diaper was like nothing I have smelled before. As I opened it up to see mushy poo covering the entire area from front to back, side to side, it wafted up and hit me. I stood, gagging, as Carson ran from the room yelling “My eyes! My eyes! It’s burning my eyes! Oh my God, I think I can taste it!” It took several minutes and a good 10 wipes to get it all off and him cleaned up. We doubled bagged the sucker and I caught Carson before she could throw it out the window to get the smell out of the apartment. It was bad. But little did he know that he had more in store for us. There was another good one before we headed out for our appointment at the Consul in the afternoon and I thought surely we were done for the day.

At 3:00, we walked across the street for our appointment and relinquished all of our worldly goods to the severe looking lady at the front desk. No bags (had to beg to get my credit card out before they stuffed it in the cubby), no food, no cameras, no phones, nothing, and were escorted upstairs by security. Aibek caught the eye of the security guy and started dancing with him in the elevator. He always brings out the smiles in people. And then upstairs in the consul office, like the DMV there were plastic chairs and waiting until your name is called. Janara was there with us and she took over Aibek duty which gave my arms a nice break. Stinky Aibek, same as Rinat when we brought him here 3 & ½ years ago, barfed all over himself and since we were not allowed to bring anything up with us, stayed in his smelly clothes for the duration. Finally they called his name and we headed to the window to attest that all paperwork was correct. But instead of the lady smiling and welcoming a new US citizen, I hear “Um, there’s a slight problem. How soon is your flight home and how soon can you get in touch with your husband?” Not the words you really want to hear as you are literally minutes away from being done with anything being able to go wrong. Thankfully, after some discussion and brainstorming, it turns out it was something that we could easily change (or rather she said “I think probably immigration will be OK with that.”) but my heart did stop there for a few seconds. So I refilled a form, raised my right hand and said ‘I do’, got the essential sealed envelope to give to the immigration officials as we enter the US, and we were off for a final meet-up with The Sisters. They gave me all of our final instructions and we were officially done with all things adoption related. D-O-N-E, DONE.

To celebrate, we headed up to have dinner at Assorti in the mall. Little man had his first restaurant experience and ate a whole bunch of the mashed potatoes off my plate. He loves his potatoes. But as we sat there, it became obvious that he had yet another gift for us in his diaper. We paid for dinner, beers un-drunk, and found the bathroom. Unfortunately, there was no changing station but there was a long counter where there was a young woman checking her makeup. And brushing her hair. And straightening her clothes. And more makeup. So finally, Carson just plopped down the changing pad next to her and went to town on the diaper. And I am not exaggerating when I say that it was most definitely the worst poo of the day BY FAR. I have no idea what in the world is going on with my child’s bowels but Carson used the entire rest of the package of wipes to get this one clean (Haha, better her than me!). The girl started laughing at us and suggested in broken English and charades that perhaps we should just wash him off in the sink. But there was no way whatsoever that I was going to subject the plumbing to that. The girl ended up staying in there and just watching as we got him cleaned, situated, snowsuit back on, in the carrier, and out the door. Carson couldn’t get over why in the world she wanted to hang out in there with us with that going on. I have just sort of learned that people here just love to watch the crazy foreigners. We are freaks here. I’m used to it, but it was new to her. And so as we headed home, I noticed Carson wasn’t wearing her hat despite being constantly cold here. When I asked her about it, she claimed that she was being incognito because she was afraid that the girl was going to follow us home and kidnap Aibek. I’m not really sure why the girl wouldn’t have just followed the baby in the giant smurf-blue snowsuit, but whatever. So she froze her ass off. But Aibek got home safe and sound and he got a good washing down to get rid of the day’s nastiness and it was down to bed.

Tomorrow we have totally and completely free to do whatever we want. No appointments, no obligations, and- best of all- not one thing for me to worry about on the adoption front. It is a done deal. Kazakhstan and the US governments both agree- he’s ours. Ours, ours, ours.

Love to all, -m

Jan 25- 05 (fingermouth), 09 (butt), 15 (liedown), 20 (peekaboo)

Sweet Sleep

2011-01-25T05:50:00.000-05:00

Hi all!

So today was a busy busy BUSY day with a brand new (to me) baby. My little Aibek slept until I woke him up at 9:30. Yes, you read that right, I woke him up. At 9:30. But I guess he was due for some sleep since he didn’t actually get to bed until 3am the night before since we were traveling. So I woke him and shoved a bottle in his mouth so Sasha could pick us up at 9:45. He just wore his PJ’s all day long and nobody better give me any shit about it. I’m in survival mode for now. First, Sasha dropped us at the photo place to get pictures for his visa. We were shoved into this tiny little room with a bunch of Kazakh business men who were, of course, staring and talking about us. I mean, we do stand out so I don’t blame them. I heard them saying “kazakh” and “mama”. I think they got what we were doing there. But still no dirty looks so I was glad about that.

Little Sumo was a good boy, no crying at the stranger holding him and taking his photo. They printed it out and we were off to meet Janara at the notary office (while Carson ran across the street to the market for Coke and water and watched South Park in the car with Sasha). A few forms to fill out, some items that I needed to hand off, and then we were off to the doctor’s office to get him cleared to come home. As any doctor’s office, there was lots of sitting in the waiting room. He has snotty nose and maybe a little ear infection so we got some stuff for that. Then it was back home to drop some things off and we walked to the Ramstore mall down the block. We got some pizza at the food court, fed Aibek some lunch, got some groceries, and came back to the apartment to put him down for a nap. A super late one. But he hadn’t really been complaining all that much (but keep reading to the end). I JUST got him to sleep after a bit of crying and passed out from exhaustion myself and the phone rang in the bedroom. I don’t think I have ever jumped up so fast from the dead of sleep. Aibek might have slept until 9:30 but I was up at 5:30 after not even 3 hours of sleep and was so exhausted that I was limp. It was Janara calling and it turns out that the nurse forgot to weigh him and get his height and Sasha was coming to get us in 20 minutes so we could go back for it. So it was off with the comfy sleeping clothes, back on the boots and coats, wake Aibek up and bundle him back in the hated snowsuit, and back in the car to the doctor’s office for a 5 minute weigh and measure, then back in the car home. I was so tired and so pissed that he was going to get no nap at all, that as I was unlocking the door to our hallway, I violently bashed my thumb in the door (now dubbed The Door of Death) and my entire thumbnail immediately turned different shades of purple. And there were most definitely some colorful words exiting my mouth as well. Thank the lord for Carson because I ran into the apartment, grabbed the Aleve, she got Aibek settled and grabbed some ice and I was incapacitated for the next hour as I waited to see exactly how bad it was going to be and if we were going to have to figure out how to find a doctor to drill a hole in my fingernail to relieve the pressure. I was so pissed, amazingly pissed off. And tired- and I just wanted to be home in my own bed, with Peter and Rinat and be done here. But it stopped swelling after a bit and I calmed down and knew I was going to be OK. Not great, but no doctor at least.

By then it was dinnertime for the little man and so we fed him, ate something ourselves, and then tried out his first shower. He has a snotty nose and I was really wanting to #1 wash off all the dried snot, and #2 get him some steam to loosen it all up and clear it out. But no dice. He was not a fan. So I did what I could and washed off the dried snot and food as he cried and tried to get some water on his chapped little face and put lotion on it. Then we had to wait around for Sasha to bring by some packet for us to keep until Janara came for it the next morning. And, of course since the phone is in the bedroom, I didn’t want to put Aibek to sleep until he had called to say he was on his way. At about 8:30 he finally called, I got the package, and then I put Aibek to sleep.

I really thought he would be exhausted and just fall into bed. But I was wrong. So so wrong. He cried and cried and cried. I think partly the food is not agreeing with him and partly he wanted his comfy crib at the Baby House. I don’t blame him, I’m pretty excited to get back home myself. I tried everything to make him feel better and the only thing that worked was swinging him back and forth. But of course I can only do that for 5 minutes before my back goes into spasms so I would have to stop which would start him crying again. He was crying so hard it was making him cough, and then he would go ‘uh-bbb, uh-bbbbbbbbbbbb’ over and over again, and he had that hitch in his breathing that they get when they cry so hard. He just kept at it for a good hour and a half no matter what I did. It was sad and I knew he was so tired. I know it is against every adoption protocol, but finally at 10pm I decided to just let him cry. I think maybe I was just interfering in his self soothing and it was just better that I leave him alone. It was torturous and I felt bad for him but it worked. Eventually he just cried himself to sleep. I was right there and did what I could but exhaustion finally took over for us both. Sweet sweet sleep.

Sweet dreams! Love to all, -m

2011-01-25T05:48:00.000-05:00

Hi All!

Exhaustion is an understatement. But the new Mama hormones I have coursing through my body are completely making up for it. My friend Carson and I went and had a visit with my little Sumo this morning and I was so afraid that he was going to cry or that he wouldn’t want to be held by me. But he didn’t at all. Not even when Carson held him (and cried). I could hardly put him down because I just wanted to hold his sweet soft little body in my arms and feel that fuzzy head on my cheek. And it was bliss, pure bliss. And when I did put him down, I saw that he’s crawling now. No more of the flop and puke, he’s really truly crawling across the room and it is so good to see. And he’s making some sounds too. I heard him say some consonants and I mirrored them back to him and he looked at me like “Wait a minute, you heard that?” I think he’s going to start babbling soon after we get Mr. Cuteness home. I told Peter I was going to teach him to say “Dada” before we get home. As you can see, I did take a couple of photos today but mostly I really just wanted to hold him. I want to hold him until my arms go numb and I have made up for them being Aibek-less for the last seven weeks. But most of all, I want to hold him until he knows that I will hold him forever.

There have been a few changes around the Baby House since we last were here. The big room downstairs is under construction so we had to go in the main door (which I had never been through before). The carpets were ripped up and everything was a little chaotic with the changes. There were new babies in Aibek’s room and some of my favorite ones that I was hoping to see had moved on to other rooms. But I did get to see some of my other little baby friends. And, as is typical for anyone who comes to Kazakhstan, Carson wanted to know why most of them were not able to be adopted because, really, shouldn’t they all have homes? But there are things here (and in the US too of course) that just don’t seem right and there’s not much you can do about it. Rules are rules and it makes me feel better to know that at least they are taken care of as well as possible in the Baby House. It’s no family, but they are healthy and mostly happy and it could be worse.

After the visit, we ran a couple of errands and then headed back to the Cosmonaut Hotel for lunch and a big fat nap. As we ate lunch, Carson saw that it was beginning to snow. It was those big fat flakes that drift down slowly and land so gently on top of each other just blanketing every branch with gorgeousness. It was beautiful and so cozy. The only thing missing was a big fluffy chair by a crackling fire, a good book, and a cup of hot cocoa. But it made for good napping too. I kept having dreams of picking Aibek up from the baby house and doing stuff like dropping him on his head, or forgetting him somewhere, or them stopping us at immigration and I felt so sick to my stomach and slept a bit fitfully. But I woke up excited and glad to have gotten at least a little bit of sleep considering what’s ahead.

We picked my sweet Sumo up at 9pm from the baby house on our way to the airport and I felt like we were doing it on the sly, like we were stealing him or something. They had let Murat know not to lock the gates to the driveway and to wait for us by the door to let us in. When we came in Bek’s room, it was eerily quiet. The lights were off and one of my favorite nannies, the one who whispers Kazakh in Aibek’s ear, was there to see him off. She had changed him and put on a fresh diaper so all we had to do was bundle him in his puffy snowsuit and we were ready to go. But for some reason, I just couldn’t leave. I didn’t want to. I have such mixed emotions about taking him away from the only home he’s ever known and the only ‘mommies’ he’s ever known. I know it’s his chance to have a family and our chance to have a child and it’s a really good thing but still I feel guilty. There were tears- from Carson and from me and from his nanny- and we walked out into the wintery outside world and he was gone forever from the Botakoz baby house. It was a little bit sad but mostly happy. And off we were.

When we went to check in at the airport, it turned out there was no reservation for him on the plane- oops. But we got it all figured out, paid our overweight charges, and then we headed straight onto the plane. He was so good. Amazingly good. I gave him his first non Baby House bottle, some little bits of bread; he played with toys, looked out the window, saw TV for the first time, watched the big fat moon out the window, chuckled at silly Auntie Carson, and stared at the people. The air steward greeted us as we were sitting down and I noticed that his name was Aibek. I told him, ‘Oh, this is Aibek too!” Such a happy coincidence. He helped me get him all strapped onto me and said “We need to keep little Aibek safe” and asked if he was mine. I guess I should expect that question a lot now. I mean, it was not so obvious with Rinat but with Aibek, there it’s sort of in-your-face that we do not share any of the same genes. But we got lots of smiles, the airport ladies made cute baby talk to him, people asked how old he is. I did not notice a single unhappy face directed our way despite the fact that some people here are not so keen on international adoption. It was all smiles. And so was I.

He didn’t actually cry until we got in the car with Sasha. And then he wailed. It is times like that that I am so happy to have Carson with me because she, of course, made him an extra bottle which did the trick. Actually two bottles finally put him under. And his little eyes went to half mast, and then finally closed, fingers in mouth, smacking in his sleep. Aaaahhhh. Nothing like a sleeping baby to remind you the world is good.

And nothing like sleeping on a box spring to wake you up at 5:30 after going to bed at 3:00. But what an amazing sound I woke up to. I could hear my little man sucking his fingers and sighing a contented little sigh. I looked down into the nest we had fashioned between two suitcases, the wall, and the bed and he is all curled up in his little jammies just snoozing away. No better sight in the world. If I know my sweet sweet husband, there will be lots of ‘checking on the baby’ when we get home so he can see our little man safe and sound, happy and healthy, in our very own house. What a wonderful thing that will be. But for now, an apartment in Almaty’s pretty great too.

Love to all, more when I can, -m

I Can't Wait to Hold Him Again

2011-01-20T20:45:00.001-05:00

Hi all!

Here are some of my favorite photos from our Kaz trip #2.

I can’t believe I am leaving tomorrow for trip 3. After more than 7 weeks, I am going to hold my sweet little boy again in just two more days. TWO. I cannot wait to get on that plane. But there is a little part of me that is going to miss the life that we had. The life with just the three of us. Don’t misunderstand, I am ECSTATIC to be welcoming Aibek home but I know it will be a big change for all of us. And there is just the tiniest little part of me that feels really bad for what Rinat is going to go through when I come home next week with his new baby brother. He will still have every ounce of my love but he’s no longer going to have my undivided attention.
Peter and I were talking about my trip the other day and I started to get all misty eyed and Peter asked what was wrong. “I’m going to miss Rinat,” I answered. He looked at me like I was crazy and told me that it’s only a week and he would be perfectly fine without me. But really I wasn’t talking about the week I’m gone. I was talking about the life that will come after. I am going to miss having just him and me. I will miss being able to watch him play at the park, marvel at the dinosaur skeletons at the museum, and hear him tell me about every little thing he finds exciting no matter how mundane. I know that I just won’t be able to see every little thing now. BUT at the same time, I know that Aibek will bring so much to our lives. More fun, more kisses, more cuteness, more laughs, and a whole lot more love.

Bonding is such a weird thing. In Kaz, everyone else wants to know how the bonding is going. But the thing is that there really is no true bonding for me until I can count on this child being mine forever- no take backs, no paperwork problems, appeals period over, immigration papers done. So basically, on the plane home. What you have in Kaz when you are bonding is a high school crush. You think he is soooo cute, you see his face when you are trying to sleep at night, you think every little sound he utters is adorable, and that he can do no wrong. But it’s not until you are home and taking care of this new little one in your life all day every day that it turns from a crush into true jump-in-front-of-a-bullet kind of love. That kind of love is something that only time and history can build.

When we first brought Rinat home, we loved him. But we weren’t ‘bonded’. Not me anyway. And not him either. He pulled away when I tried to hug him and would only let me carry him facing away from my body, Baby House style. He didn’t want to snuggle on my lap except to read books; he didn’t want to be comforted in the night when he woke up. He just flat out wanted to be left alone most of the time. It was sad not to be wanted. And in that situation, I think it’s natural to think you are doing something wrong. But developing trust takes time and it takes a lot of work. This time around, I know not to blame myself or wonder if it’s ever going to happen. I promise to pay more attention to our little Aibek and less attention to everything else. I’m focusing on my little family of four and that is all for the time being. I am hoping it will speed up the bonding process and I am really looking forward to a time when he can trust us and I can trust myself to know what he needs. And I cannot wait to get started on that journey. I’m counting the hours…

Love to all, -m

Happy Faces from a Big Brother

2011-01-16T20:22:00.001-05:00

Hi all-

Still on cloud nine over here. I have been hard at work nesting and this has not gone unnoticed by my firstborn (ok, not firstborn to ME but born first nonetheless). He too is catching Aibek Fever. He has been more than I ever hoped for in a big brother so far. For one, he has been talking about Aibek all the time without me even bringing him up. He seems to get that he’s coming here and staying forever and he’s alright with it. And he’s generous. One of Rinat’s favorite things to do is ‘read’ toy catalogs. But now, instead of telling me all of the things that HE wants, he goes through trying to find things that we can get for Aibek.

Another part of the nesting (and just me wanting to be settled again) is being on the hunt for a house. So the last few weeks I have been involving Rin in looking at photos of houses online and seeing what he thinks. He’s actually very particular about which ones he might want to live in. They have to have trees, room for a fort, and it must have a large basement for running around in. Me, I’m interested in the kitchen most of all and room for Peter to work in that is not the middle of the living room. I’m tired of getting Rin and I getting shushed when he’s on the phone. We were scrolling through photos of a house the other day and Rin asked “Well, where am I going to sleep?” I showed him one of the kids’ rooms that had a bunk bed in it (he’s dying for a bunk bed ever since he slept in one at the beach this summer) but he wasn’t super interested. Then I kept scrolling through and he shouted “Stop!!! That’s where me and Aibek are gonna sleep!” It was a photo of someone’s nursery with a crib in it. He said, “I will have my bed in there from this house and then Aibek can sleep in the crib right next to me and when he cries at night I will tell him to shhh and when he wakes up, I will get him out and carry him downstairs and feed him breakfast. But if he has a stinky diaper… I’m gonna knock on your door.”

And he has apparently been pondering this idea of sharing a room with his new brother a lot because he brought it up again today. I hated to burst his bubble but I informed him that Aibek was going to have his own room. And that it was kinda good because Aibek is going to wake up at night and cry and it might wake Rin up if he was in the same room. “But why is he gonna cry?” “Well,” I said, “He might cry because he is scared in his new room and doesn’t know where he is.” And then my sweet, sweet Rinat offered the perfect solution. “Well, you know, I’m a big boy now so if he wants, he can have my Glowing Man (nightlight) and I just won’t need it ‘cause I’m gonna try really hard to not be scared ‘cause I’m big and he’s little and he needs it ‘cause he might be more scared than me.” M..e..l..t.. For every time I get mad, annoyed, frazzled by that boy, there is a time like this when it’s all I can do not to smother him to death with kisses. Gosh, he’s a good kid. Most of the time.

And so now I am all set in the travel department. It’s really going to happen. I sort of wish for the good old days when you got your tickets in the mail and you got to rip open the envelope in excitement and hold that golden ticket in your hand in the fancy company jacket and pour over every word on it looking forward to getting on that plane. It’s a little bit anticlimactic to just print them out. But it’s done all the same. My best friend Carson and I will be on a plane at the end of the week to go and pick up my sweet boy. We will get into Karaganda in the wee hours of the 23rd, pick him up from the Baby House, find a way to make it clear to everyone that has helped us along the way just how much we truly appreciate everything that they have done for us, and hop a plane that very same night for Almaty. We will get into Almaty in the wee hours of the 24th and have our clinic visit that day to clear him for immigration to the US. Then a day off -whew- and our appointment at the embassy on the 26th. Then home in the early hours of the 27th. A whirlwind to be sure, but I cannot wait to put my little sweetpea to bed in his own little crib, in his own little house, with his own little family. I remember that first night home with Rin to be one of the most peaceful moments of my life. It was just this sense that all was right with the world. Our world has been a bit shaky these last few years but I knew we would get here eventually. And on Jan 27 all will be right once again.

Some of my friends have asked if I am nervous for Rinat to be without me for a whole week. I am happy to respond, "Not a bit." It's not that I won't miss him, not that I don't wish he could be there when his brother leaves the baby house for good, it's just that I have absolute, utter, complete trust in my wonderful husband. We are fortunate enough to have Peter work out of the house. Sometimes it can be a mixed blessing but it also means that he gets to actually be present in our kids' lives on an everyday basis. He's there for playing Legos before school, he takes a random hour off to go to the park, he plays rough and tumble football in the backyard on a Tuesday afternoon. He is just as much a parent as stay-at-home Me. And so do I have worries about being gone? Absolutely not. He's got it.

Love to all,

-m

We have had a whole lot of happy faces around here the last few days. These are courtesy of Big Brother Rinat. The one at the top with the arms is Tienna :)