Hi all,
To start our October, we went down to hang out for a bit with Auntie Ann and new cousin AG. Now, anyone who knows me well know that I am not really a brand new baby person (They scare me with their floppy heads!) but Rin? He’s a whole different story. He just adores them and is constantly telling strangers that they have cute babies. I just love that in him. So of course my sweet boy just oooh-ed and aaah-ed over his new cousin during lunch. She was asleep pretty much the entire time (as all good babies should be so moms get to eat) but every time she would move even the tiniest bit to take a deep breath or kick her little foot, he would say, “Aww, look Mom. Isn’t she so cute!?!” Bek was a bit indifferent (it’s tough sharing the spotlight) but I know he will love having a cousin close-ish in age to play with at family gatherings. And boy is that little girl cute. Even with my weird newborn aversion, I think she’s adorable. Good luck, Ann, with this amazing, frustrating, heart wrenching, and exhilarating thing that is motherhood. There will be days when all you can do is focus on getting to the end of it, putting your head on the pillow and shutting your eyes but those will be tempered by the perfect moments- the sunlight shining on her curls, the sound of her laughter heard from the other room, the look of pride on her face when she gets herself dressed for the first time. It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. Cherish those moments and they will get you through the hard ones. I promise.
Our little visit with the new one brought all sorts of baby questions in our house from Rin. “What did I look like when I was born? Was I all bloody and gross?” and discussions about how some babies are adopted and some stay with the people they grew in (“That’s so weird, Mom”) And Aibek talking about “I from Kazatan. Dat in Azuh” (Asia). My love Azuh.” We are getting lots of talking out of our youngest these days actually. Some of it is wonderful to hear like when he says “My lub you Mama. You nice. You my best mommy. My miss you (when I get him from school, or when he wakes up in the morning).” And sometimes not so wonderful- like when I tell him to put his shoes on and he loses his marbles, throws them across the room and yells “Never. Never ever again! You fired from dis house!” But really what can I do but laugh at his adorable version of a meltdown. It’s funny.
But the tradeoff with Bek’s meltdowns is that big brother is having fewer and fewer of them as he begins to mature. Maybe it’s that we are keeping him so busy with after school classes like the clay class at Glen Echo where he makes dragons and other mythical beasts, the MSA street hockey and Mad Science he is doing at school, or the flag football on the weekends. I swear he is just happier the more he has to do and the more he gets to hang out with his friends. And they think he’s pretty great too. I love when we are walking to the park and I hear in the distance, " Hey guys! Rinats here!" It’s such a good feeling to know my child is liked. And by good kids with nice parents no less. Rin informed me recently that his friend E is basically like a brother to him. “I could put him on my family tree, Mom.” I hated to inform him that he’s not an actual brother so he would not go on a family tree. Rinat thought for a second and said “Well he could go on my friendtree then.” I like the idea of a friend tree. I feel like my friend tree just keeps right on growing new branches. Every time we move to a new place or have a new adventure, there are a few more leaves that sprout. I’m happy to report that our friend tree is pretty lush these days.
This big boy of ours is getting truly big these days. He has a loose tooth that is still going strong a month later. Will it ever fall out? When he first realized it was loose, he completely freaked out and started screaming and running upstairs to have me look at it and tell him it was OK. I thought that something was on fire the way he screamed. We had talked many times about when his teeth might start falling out, but I think he was still afraid that maybe he was falling apart when it actually happened. He’s still pulled between being a little boy and a big one these days.
And let’s talk about Halloween. This place is insane. I mean, it’s like a street party going on with the sheer number of kids around here. And the thing is- they are all nice. Like, really nice. They all say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, wait their turn, and tell me they love my costume (we were superheroes this year). There are some good kids around here. The kind that I want my kids to be when they are older. On Halloween, all the families meet up and start out at the Great Pumpkin in the triangle who hands out candy. The neighbors all have decorations, flashing lights, music, a million blowup animals, and there was even a movie playing in the neighbors yard on a giant movie screen. I love this place. This is how Halloween SHOULD be.
I always hoped that I had the kind of kids who behaved when I was watching them and even when I was not. I love to try and be sneaky and watch how my children treat people when they think I’m not there. The other day, Rinat, two friends, and Bek were playing soccer in the backyard while I watched from inside. One of the friends knocked Bek over as they ran past and he fell and started to cry. They continued to play so I went to get my shoes to go out and make sure he was not hurt but by the time I got back to the backdoor, I saw that Rinat was hugging him and asking if he was alright. Once Bek stopped crying, Rin helped him stand back up and got him his own ball. It’s times like these that I know that the fact that Rin feels things strongly is a good thing because he has such a fierce love of his little brother. It makes me so happy to know that he adores him and is there for him when I am not. He’s such a good brother. Just as Bek is to him.
Rin asked me to hang out with him and talk while he took a bath and I said no because I just was ready to be done for the day. In this nonstop job of motherhood you have to take the breaks when you can get them. But… then I thought to myself that this might be the last time he asks and I just couldn't pass it up. So I hung out in there with him and it reminded me so much of when he was just a tiny little boy. We used to have so much fun in the bath playing with toys with nothing to distract us from each other. Nowadays it’s hard to get his attention with all of the kids running in an out of our house to play, after school activities, birthdays and playdates on the weekends. I want to make time for just us because I really truly do enjoy being with him at a time and place that we can focus just on each other. I think it is so important. My sweet oldest has been so sweet lately- holding my hand and talking to me when we’re walking places- and I am not sure where it's coming from but I like it. He is finally not in such a hurry to get away from me and prove how grown up he is and is instead happy to talk to me and tell about what is going on in his life. It's good and we've had some good talks about kids in his class and making good moral decisions. And we’ve just had fun chatting about what he’s into these days- what the best Beyblade is and his favorite character on Kickin’ It. I just love to know what’s going on in his head. He is such a deep thinker and I honestly do love to know how his brain works and what he thinks. Let me give you an example…
We were out grocery shopping and picking up dry-cleaning and going to the beer store and whatnot one day and I had my kids in tow. We were chitchatting along the way and, as always, my boys were full of questions. They wanted to know what is for dinner and why some people are good at soccer while some aren’t and why people get named what they do and why people drink beer when it’s so gross and why do giraffes have long necks and a million other little questions that popped in their little curious heads. Spurred, I think, by the new baby in our family, Rin asked, “So mom, after people go to heaven do they get reborn into a different person?”
And I answer, “Well Hon, different people think different things about that.” I paused and then asked, “What do you think?”
Without thinking (which makes me think he'd already been pondering this) he answered, “I think that when everyone in the whole world goes to heaven they all come together to make God.”
And I literally stopped in my tracks.
I stopped in the middle of the parking lot with a child on each hand and dry cleaning slung over one arm to ponder the deep thinking that went into that statement.
*Everyone who dies comes together to make God.*
It’s unbelievably profound.
I mean, stop and think about it. He’s like the wise man on the mountain or something. I know some people think that kids are asking questions to get the answers but I don’t think that’s always true. I think part of my job as a mom is to get them to wonder about things and to figure out the answers for themselves and let them be the problem solvers and the answer-givers in the world. I want them to ask questions and think on it and I am so glad that instead of just telling him what he should think that I asked him to think about that one.
And I like that he's thinking and trying to decide what he believes in rather than just going along with what we, his parents, think. To be honest, I don’t know that I have ever really put that amount of thought into it. When I was younger, I just sort of went along with what my parents told me was right and what the people at church taught me was right even though I wasn’t really sure I believed it. I just thought that since everyone else did that I should too. What can I say? I was a follower. But now this amazing little boy of mine- this leader- has me thinking. What DO I believe? I guess I better start figuring it out. He’s keeping my on my toes, this one…
Love to all, -m
